Funerals

There are a few things that need clarifying - folk attending a funeral do NOT see the coffin "going into the furnace" - oh please where did that come from.
The funeral is actually a very important part of the passage for the folk left, and it is my experience that the wishes of the departed, if wishes have been expressed which is very rare, have been adhered to as much as possible, that the wishes of the family/friends have been adhered to as much as possible.
The funeral director will NOT nonchalantly hand a bill for £5000 or more at the end, the costs are gone through beforehand so that the family understands, and they have choices as to what they wish to pay for, the type of coffin, music, celebrant and so on. It is an individual thing which, in my experience, is attended to with great care and compassion.
Every effort is made to ensure that the deceased is given a respectful and compassionate service, and that the grieving family is cared for with the same respect and compassion.
Of course there can be many stories of mistakes and downright bad work/business - but they all try to make it as painless as possible.
We also have to consider the nature of death, sudden/unexpected/suicide/child/young person - it's so easy to criticise.
My plea to folk I meet is to write down what you want to happen at your funeral, don't say "it doesn't matter - I won't be there" - those who love you will, and they want to honour you in the best way they can - so choose what music you would like played, do you want it to be a religious ceremony or non-religious/humanist.
The biggest problem we British have is our culture which doesn't "do" death, we don't confront it, we don't want to think about it......the trouble with death is - it's inevitable, a bit like taxes, as someone once said!
Oh - and remember this - death brings out the best and worst in people, and old wounds and hurts come back and revenge is sought - family feuds rekindled and so on......

One of my relatives had insisted on a cardboard coffin and I wondered what it would look like. It was beautiful, full of colour and very personalised to her. To be honest, I would never have known it was cardboard. Its now what I want for me.

My personal choice will be Cremation. I refuse to pay the price of a Brand New Car to bury it into the ground to merely pollute the Planet. It is indeed a waste. My 'dust' will become fertilizer for the trees. My Wishes/Desire, is to become 'The Earth'

After organising the funerals for my parents I decided to write down what I wanted to happen at my funeral so that my daughters wouldn't have more "heart-ache" to deal with. I occasionally change my mind about the music so I send them an email with the new instructions and just tell them to file it away for future use 🙂
I also have to say that I agree with Duckkers about the compassion and care shown by the funeral directors - they were excellent and the celebrant ( a Salvation Army lady previously unknown to us) was wonderful - in fact, after my Mum's funeral, my Dad said that it was the best funeral he had ever attended as it was a real celebration of my Mum's life and after 70 years together I'm sure that he knew what he was talking about.
I, personally, disagree with the huge amounts of money spent on funeral flowers - I would far rather give flowers to people when they are alive and can enjoy them. A small arrangement from the family and then donations to specified charities is my wish.

As a response to the "re-usable coffin" - there's the cleaning cost of the coffin to be taken into consideration - I'll just say - bodily fluids!!!!!

There's some lovely felted wool "coffins" made by a company in Cornwall - they can be embroidered and are quite beautiful, and all natural products.

I expected to be attending a funeral this week ,but it is to be private only the ladies husband and 2 sons attending .My friend wanted to donate her body to medical science but because she had
cancer this wasn't possible.Her husband ,sons,brothers and sisters may or may not want or require the support of other relatives and friends and of course this can be done in different ways but somehow not attending her funeral leaves me feeling a bit in limbo with mixed feelings as to who I contact and who may not want that contact
It really is an individual choice , my family know my wishes but I have not made them formal and prehaps better solutions will be in place before
I die but there again it could be sooner than I think.Best take action now and make changes if my ideal solution becomes lawful.

Surely, there is a market for smart looking body bags for burial and cremation. But no doubt the undertakers would capitalise on these if they were available. Your only other option is donate your body to medical science.
It's nice to pay your respects at funerals where you know the deceased and they have touched your life but there are those people who turn up at funerals with the expectation of a nice buffet and a free drink. With todays prices we need to kick that into touch. It should be the immediate family only going for a nice meal after the funeral. That's what I would wish for and to go quietly in a body bag.

OMG natural or nature reserve grounds, still soil, still worms!!!

Why not consider a natural burial? This is the interment of the body of a dead person in the soil in a manner that does not inhibit decomposition but allows the body to recycle naturally. It is an alternative to other contemporary Western burial methods. There are natural burial grounds all around the UK, with new sites opening every year.

There are basically two types of natural burial grounds; truly natural, nature reserve grounds, where non-embalming is a requirement and coffins have to be biodegradable. There are also those where a tree is planted but no other environmentally friendly rules apply.

www.naturaldeath.org.uk/index.php?page=choosing-a-natural-burial-grounds, this may give more information and there are other websites.

These days coffins are available made from recycled cardboard, very few wooden coffins are used, its up to the person to make their wishes known in their will.

There are many various materials available for the 'final journey' does not have to be wood.

One thing this government should be looking at is the downright disgrace re the cost of funerals. We wanted to put our house in order for the hopefully distant future and do not want any kind of the normal funeral pomp, just our body taken away in the cheapest coffin available and ashes returned. Normal funeral directors just don't want to know about this, not enough money in it for them. We did however find one which is in fact called 'final journey' but they still charge something like £2,000 just for that. Does anyone know a better plan?