Items to put a smile on your face ? :O)
Watch this postFirst Day at The Zoo:
A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does so, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps pelting him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?” (Wait for it !!!!!)………………
The lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees"
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So remember this story the next time …
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
" Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who mucked up your hair?"
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Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.
If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.
If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.
As always, you make me smile/laugh. Thank you, you’re a star
Brilliant brilliant joke, love it!!!!
Hope you don’t mind if I copy it and pass it on to all my friends and family.
I think my mum would love it too but she’s not online!
Thanks for the laughter Yod, I look forward to the next one!! 🙂
Much better than my jokes, they’re non existent as I can never the punchline.
Maybe I could take a course in ‘joke telling’.
You could be my teacher! 🙂
I can never REMEMBER the punchline or remember to read my own comments before posting. They may actually make sense but I can’t guarantee anything!!! :-0
You have made my day. Your stories, jokes are brilliant. I’ve laughed my socks off......now my feet are cold!!!!
Just keep ‘em coming, this world needs more laughter and good news.
I’ll have to start a ‘good news’ thread, well I would if I knew how.
Any ideas folks! 🙂
Ok, so I help out at a charity shop and I was running late, which I hate.
I got home quickly changed into a pair of old jeans on the bed. I was walking down the street when I felt something dragging behind me.
I looked down and to my horror I saw a pair of my pants were hanging out of my jeans. I must have taken both off together and forgot about them!
So the moral of the story is: Always check yourself in a full length mirror before leaving home of suffer the consequences!! lol but then life would be boring if we were all perfect! 🙂
Sports of all kinds,but do spend most of my time in front of the TV,
Billy no mates that’s me these days.
So come say hi & chat with me I can’t be the only one in this position.