MOVING HOME ALONE ......AND TO A NEW PART OF THE COUNTRY
Watch this postHi All
Have you any experience of moving somewhere new on your own? I would love some input into my plan for the future, if you would be so kind.
My circumstances are as follows:
I have found myself a bit isolated since I am widowed and no longer out at work. I seem to have only acquaintances rather than close friends nearby. I have joined clubs and keep busy with hobbies, but the few people I have met seem set in their existing groups of friends or are reluctant to do anything in the evening. I have retired before getting my state pension as I no longer feel well enough to work.
Lack of funds is stopping me doing more on my own.
So I have come up with a plan to sell my home and rent somewhere instead; this will give me some more disposable income, enabling me to do more and to travel to meet old friends and family. It would also take away some concerns re house maintenance.
Now for my curved ball…… It has been suggested to me that I move 100+ miles away to Warwickshire…… a beautiful area with plenty of new places for me to explore and good transport links for visiting friends and family. I have done some online investigating and it certainly has potential. Now I am wondering what pitfalls there might be that I have not thought of.
🙁
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I live in a beautiful bungalow in a very nice neighbourhood but really miss my friends. Although I know my neighbours and get on well with them all I have not made any true friends and this has led to me feeling lonely and isolated.
I am a bit shy and that could go some way to explaining why I have not made any friends. But if you are outgoing and confident then it shouldn't matter where you are because you will make friends of that I am sure and at the end of the day that is what life is about.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I was widowed in 2017, and six months later decided to move from the family house we had lived in for twenty years, to another town.
I felt I needed to move on, and my daughter was finding it hard being in the house with an empty chair where her Dad used to sit. Another reason for moving was to go to a newer property with less maintenance.
We have been in the new home for nearly a year now, and I am very pleased that we did it. I am quite a shy person so I knew I wouldn’t be making lots of new friends, however I have joined a writing group which has given me lots of confidence as well as a new hobby. We have also found our neighbours to be very friendly (we are in a small close of just nine houses).
I won’t pretend it was easy, I had a lot of sleepless nights worrying if I was doing the right thing, but now I’m glad it did it. I did a lot of reasearch into the area we moved to, and we saw a lot of houses before we found the one that was right for us.
I would say take your time, do a lot of research and then you will find the right place
Please don't get yourself in such a tangle with what you will do once your husband has died. For now just enjoy any time you have left with him.
Afterwards you will have a period of inner turmoil before you will feel able to make any decision. When things have settled you will see things more clearly.
My husband used to tell me that if left alone I would be all right in Cornwall where we had moved to. It was his dream not mine and he had 10 years there. Hence lived his dream. I don't drive and did not like being so far from my family. Yes I would have been all right there, I had made some good friends there but after 4 years decided to move up country nearer my daughter. Easier to get about on public transport from here and I see more of my sisters. It was the moving away from my husbands dictates that was the hardest. Felt very disloyal BUT at the end of the day you will be most important in your life. Take each day as it comes and have a care for yourself.
I have been thinking a lot about what I should do once I am on my own. With hindsight it was probably not a good idea to come here and I feel a bit cheated that my family have now moved away. My instinct is to go home although I would not be able to return to where we lived in Cheshire England as it would be too expensive, plus people I know have moved on. I do have a brother in England still but we are very different people and I would not want to live where he is. I have been thinking about Yorkshire quite a lot as I really like it and feel at home there, in particular North Yorkshire. We used to go walking regularly in the Yorkshire Dales and loved the North York Moors and the east coast.
My dilemma is whether to go back to England, where I probably would not see much of my daughter and grandchildren here in Australia or stay here, where I would at least be able to see them sometimes. I do have some sort of life here, and have joined a group of women who meet for coffee etc but they are more acquaintances than real friends. My brother and family are here of course but they have their own lives and still work so we don’t really get to see that much of them.
I am just wondering how others have managed the practicalities of moving alone? I am now 68 and the thought of starting over on my own in a new place is very scary, especially moving back from here.
I thought about a retirement community but understand they are bad value, the ongoing costs can be high and the resale and exit fees not good and I don’t know whether I could afford it.
I have seen a few ladies on here from Yorkshire. Does anyone have any advice on suitable places to live. Maybe a market town with a bit going for it and plenty to do for our age group and not too far from the Yorkshire Dales/Moors? I have done some research and Wetherby sounds nice, but too expensive I think, also Knaresborough?
They say you shouldn’t make any decisions for at least a year, but I have known for over 2 years what is coming and so have had plenty of time to think about it. I just feel that Australia is not my home but don’t know if I can manage such a huge undertaking alone at my age.
Sorry for such a long post,
I have taken the plunge and moved .... I have not logged onto Silversurfers since then and thank you for the encouraging comments made.
After 6 months it is still a work in progress of course, but I am trying to keep positive and enjoy the adventure. Exploring unfamiliar countryside is good and even mastering the local ring road can be a hoot.
I jumped straight in to joining groups (things in the local library and also U3A) and have made some friends to chat too. Progressing to exchanging contact details and meeting outside of the groups has yet to happen. I am concerned that I will slow down when winter comes and go into hibernation!
The stuff with the kids/family is still painful. It is hard to throw off one's own experience of being/feeling very close to family and then finding they don't feel the same as time moves on.
Next I am going to jump in and write my contact details on little slips of paper to give to people I have got to know. It may sound a bit formal but it might help me through the situation. I think I would be happy if someone gave me their phone and email. So here goes........
You need a hobby for the winter when groups tend to close. Maybe you could suggest days out with some of the people in the groups that you have met. Its nice to chat to people online as well.
Take care. Ruball
I think it mostly depends on why you are having to move. If, as in my case, you have split up with a partner then there might be financial restraints which will dictate where and what you can afford. Have you got family nearby or do they live in places where you would be happy and have you got a lot of close friends where you live at present? I would have loved to have lived near to my daughters but the houses I could afford were right next to the A1 with traffic thundering by day and night! So, I chose to stay in an area near to where I had been living. The advantages are that I see all my friends frequently, I'm still a member of my local U3A and my daughters only live 15 miles away. The disadvantages are that I occasionally bump into my Ex, with his girlfriend, but 5 years down the line I'm happy and enjoying my new life. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! 🙂
Been widowed some years now & have moved twice within a mile. Loved the town & county where I've been all my life. Made many friends during work & retirement & had a busy social life too.
My daughter has been wanting me to move closer to her ever since her Dad died. Wants to look after me in my dotage!
Well I decided to move nearer her & my son's family last year but all good plans don't necessarily happen.
She was delighted but forgot how stressful upping sticks can be. It was a massive decision that I had made but was determined to go ahead & move.
I thought I was lucky when offer on my house went through & I then spent many weeks travelling to my daughter's when I eventually found a lovely property.
Unfortunately there was to be several hiccups before I finally moved in.
The move was more stressful than expected as I ended up in A &E with heart problems.
During the move & since I seem to have many hours at the hospital or doctors. With all the medication I am feeling very low & -wish I was back home!
Not had the energy most days to go walking (which I love) or go to dancing etc . I've got great neighbours but don't feel able to knock on their door for a chat.
Each week I keep in contact with friends who miss me equally & visit them occasionally.
What do I do.? Stay here & hope I feel better? I blame my choice to move for my health problems so that doesn't help.
Moving back would be costly but maybe I could have a retirement flat.
Not normally down but I feel I've lost my mojo!
The two main aspects to your proposed change are selling your home and moving to a different area. A word of caution about selling your home: If, overall, you enjoy your home and area you live in - we all occasionally get a bit fed up with the same daily surroundings - then I would think very seriously before selling your home. I cannot begin to stress the advantages of owning the place in which you live - it is yours, no-one can tell you what to do with it, nor what you can't. Renting may seem viable in this instance, but you surrender a certain peace of mind when you do. Now, to balance that - I rent; I have a very good landlord who appreciates I am a excellent tenant, so there no problems as far as that is concerned, however, I have also had a very poor landlady who started out okay, but then changed completely and made my life a misery for a while - it is pot luck in that respect, though to be fair, the good to 'okay' landlords probably far outweigh the poor ones.
Freeing your home's capital is, well, freeing - it is what I did, but I also have a private pension that tops up my funds - you need to consider the long term implications: at present, unless you have a big mortgage, your 'rent' is zero or fairly negligible, I cannot imagine renting anywhere in your proposed area will come in much under £600 per month for rent alone, £7,200 per year, £36,000 over 5 years. - will your new-found finances bear that? You wish to free funds to allow greater expenditure - I can tell you from experience (not mine, a friend's) having a sizeable pot to draw from can lead to temptation, he spent his in a relatively short space of time and is now, in effect, broke.
Moving to a new area IS exciting, but it will not necessarily solve your feelings of being 'isolated'. I am very happy with my own company so do not feel a need to seek out acquaintances, and so on, but you are not like that and the problems you encounter at present MAY remain with the added disadvantage of not knowing anyone at all.
I am sorry to sound a tad pessimistic, but I have a solid rule of thumb that has served me well: Better to begin with doubts before proceeding with certainty.
Much of what we do in life is made or broken by our attitudes, if you truly feel your current mode of living is truly no longer tenable or desirable AND are the sort who can rise to a challenge, then I say grasp it with both hands, if, however - and this is my concern for you - you are just a bit fed up with your circumstances and feel a change will solve that... well, it might, but it also might not.
Life, as you are no doubt aware, is very short and needs to be grasped by the throat, my instinct is to say 'do it', but only you know whether you actually want to for sound reasons AND have the tenacity to see it through. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. I hope this has helped, if I can further assist you in making this life-changing decision, I'd be happy to lend a listening ea along with Fe ' war stories' about the advantages and the pitfalls.
Regards,
Alan.
I really enjoy my home and garden plus I have great neighbours.
I think that when we get older and one is left to carry on alone life is very different.
You have made me realise that I should be very grateful of what I have and make the most of it.
Thank you.
Kind Regards
Lynn.
I am very new to this so please forgive me if I have put this in the wrong place, however, I hope it's the right place!
I moved to Devon two years ago with my husband and my youngest daughter who is 27 but came back to live with mum for a while until she sorted herself out after a relationship break up. She is soon to fly the nest again and move back up to the South East so I will miss her companionship and friendship dearly as we are very close.
My husband meanwhile, has a very demanding job and spends time away most weeks.
We live in a very small community in mid Devon (8 miles from Tiverton) and I am struggling to make friends as I don't go out to work.
I am looking to make some friends in Devon within a 30 mile radius, ladies in the age group of 50-70 (I am 60). I am interested in shopping, walks with the dog, preferably on a beach, lunch or coffee outings, most things really but would just like some companionship. I have a good sense of humour and am a friendly person but better in small groups rather than large ones.
If anyone is in a similar position or would be interested to meet up, please reply to my post. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you 🙂
To help me to make the right decision about moving four hours' drive away to Devon it would be good to be able to see into the future but as that's impossible I'm struggling.
I will be 80 soon so a big upheaval would be seriously stressful but I'm quite fit. Why am I thinking about the move? - to be nearer my daughter and family.
My current situation is I have everything I need, a nice home with all amenities to hand and a close friend living next door. But, she suffers from serious heart problems and if she wasn't around I could die in my home and no-one would know due to unfriendly neighbours so I'm not too keen on where I live. With my daughter wanting me to live closer I really don't know what to do. But for my daughter's company (when she's not at work or asleep because she's so busy) it would be a case of starting afresh but what a massive mistake it would be if it didn't work out.
I wish I could answer "what do I want to do". I'm afraid of swapping one location for another and keep thinking "better the devil you know etc.". Has anyone else given up security for such a move. Replies would be good.
I know exactly what you mean about moving when you get older. I moved around quite a bit when I was younger. But it was different then. I had a family. So I took my own friends with me i.e. my family and it was much easier to make friends as you were in the workforce, made friends through your spouses friends at work and through your kids. My wife died several years ago, my kids are all grown up with their own kids and live hundreds of miles away so rarely get to see them. I'm lucky if I get a phone call now and again as they are all so ' busy ' and you sometimes feel you have been pushed down to the bottom of the contact list. But can suddenly go to the top of the list when something goes wrong in their ' busy lives ' They seem to have forgotten that you were ' busy '. Mostly by looking after them, spending lots of money on them and trying to give them a happy life. As I've got older I've found ( which I'm sure happens to most of us oldie's ) that I have lost a lot of friends that I have common history with through death, losing touch through them, or me moving, divorces and people taking sides, etc.etc. I've lived out the ' bush ' most of my adult life and have no desire to live in a city, or suburbs. I'm more at home sitting around a campfire, or having a bbq and a laugh with friends rather than going to some fancy restaurant or cafe. But that's just me. Everyone is different. I went to a restaurant recently ( first time in a long time ) with an old mate from interstate who had visited me for a couple of days. A young couple came in and sat at the table opposite us. As soon as they sat down, out came their mobile, or I-pods, or whatever you call them. They never spoke a word to each other. even when their meal arrived, they used their fork to eat their meal and their other hand to operate their mobile. My mate and I shook our heads and wondered whether we were still on the same planet that we were born on when people used to talk to each other face to face. I'm not really bitching about it. It's just the way people's lives seem to end up no matter what you do. Otherwise why are we all on Siversurfers. Life seems a bit sad when you end up talking to strangers through a medium like this, and I certainly didn't think I would end up on something like this. But here I am. I only picked this site by accident, as from memory, I think I typed in seniors chat room on Google and up came this site. So thought I'd have a go at it, not realising it was UK based and I'm in Australia. But reading through a lot of posts loneliness and looking for new friends seems to be the common theme. But don't think it's probably the right site for me as I can't come and have a cuppa and chat with whoever, not sure if I could get used to this type of cyber friendship, plus I find this site so confusing as I have noticed quite a few other people have. I wouldn't know what sort of advice to give you as far as moving at your age Robanpen, or whether you'll ever read this anyway. I retired to a small village 18 years ago where I knew no one and I've found, like some people have mentioned, that I have lots of aquaintances but no real friends. They've all lived here for 200 years, everybody is their cousin or uncle,or they've grown up through school together and are not really interested in making new friends with blow-ins like me especially when you are single. I live in a nice place with a lovely view but a place is only the people you meet and maybe, as you said, ' the devil you know...' It's much easier to make these decisions when you are young and bullet proof. Even although I've ended up a lonely person at least I have a good view across a Bay, own my own place, don't lock the house, or the car,and don't have any traffic lights or parking problems and a beautiful beach in a lagoon just around the corner from me. I feel that I am probably better off than a lot of people. Anyway I've probably waffled on long enough. Just got myself into a writing mood and its helped occupy my mind for a wee while. So good luck to all you Silversurfers and hope you find whatever you are looking for.
Cheers Wellies.
I live in Warwickshire Suffolknan