View comments by: Most Recent - first / last | Most Popular - first / last | Replies - hide / show

Stroke after effects

Hi I'm new to this Forum, I only joined because my Husband has had 2 strokes his last was in September of last year, thankfully he came through it but each stroke has changed him , I have lost the man I married, he now has limited social skills ie: doesn't have much conversation , his sense of humour has disappeared , and sleeps most of day away and when hes awake he drinks wine most of day, I can not get him to try and get more mobile, as when I do it ends in argument. What can I do? I Love him to bits but I feel like I have lost my husband forever, am I being selfish?


Created By on 23/07/2016

Not a member?

You need to be a member to interact with Silversurfers. Joining is free and simple to do. Click the button below to join today!

art1935
25th Jul 2016 09:16:19
2
Thanks for voting!
hello Irisheyes i had a stroke 2 years ago and now i can't walk so i'm housebound if it wasn't for my laptop i could be the same i guess,can you get him interested in pc,there is so much you can do on here besides socialising,i am 80 years old and still manage to remain cheerful but i must admit i do have a power nap in the afternoon lol but seriously don't stop loving him and try not to argue.life can be hard when you are an invalid,i'm lucky myself that my wife and i have been married 55 years.anyway good luck for the future >>>Arthur
Tictock
28th Jul 2024 17:05:03
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi there

Really feel for you. My situation is different but similar. I am watching my husband of over 40 years age.. His social skills are reducing. Conversation is minimal. Hearing is a nightmare. I have to repeat everything twice then explain myself. Its not worth the effort.

I also feel Im losing the Man Ive loved all my adult life.

Its me hitting the wine not him. Often whilst he sleeps
KingGeorgeSpaniel
8th Oct 2017 15:47:56
0
Thanks for voting!
My name is Pauline, I had a stroke 6 years ago. I lost my memory and still have great problems remembering things, people's names, how to get somewhere, how to get back!. I'm terrified of getting lost and if my husband moves a few steps from where I left him, I panic.
I've also lost my confidence. I play short mat bowls twice a week and enjoy the camaraderie. Most of the people in the club have health problems of their own. We help each other.
After I had the stroke, I have had several minor strokes (TIA) Whilst the Stroke Unit were great at the medical issues, I felt the follow up support was non existent. Yes there were clubs, but all they wanted to do was play games like bingo!
Anyone with any experience of this?
serenitywoman
2nd Aug 2016 10:49:51
2
Thanks for voting!
IRISHEYES i am sorry your husband had 2 strokes, and your feeling lost, he will feel so many emotions, like feeling worthless due to the loss of his skills he had before, and maybe under valued in general by society, his pride too will have been hurt. some people get feelings back though it takes time, and is unknown.. he will probably be feeling down also. the stroke association people will help with many of these worries, they are good people and help with things like depression though either pills or talking to a clinical psychologist he maybe needs to talk to someone who understands him and how he feels or someone who has gone through the same, the stroke association have a team of people like occupation therapists, and phychologists, and even places stroke people go to to do light excercises. they will visit with you both and find out what he needs they also help family of stroke people..
https://www.stroke.org.uk/
i hope this helps in some way,it is hard on close ones of stroke people, he is a stroke survivor ..
love and peace serenity xx
Boo Boo
30th Jul 2016 19:34:57
2
Thanks for voting!
I've just joined. Lost my husband in April after long illness with cancer,
My heart goes out to you know what you are going through. He wanted to die and I have lost the man I love. We had been married for 52 yrs.
you are not being selfish love. I was wishing for my beloved to go. Hated seeing him suffer so,
It's hard on my own but managing ok.
Keep your chin up
ThatManViv
25th Jul 2016 17:38:29
5
Thanks for voting!
Are You Being Selfish ?? Gosh, you must be a lovely lady to be thinking that you might be. What a shock you have had. Thousands must ask themselves if they have lost their partner for ever once they see the changes in them after they have had a stroke. I suspect your husband has been a lucky man having you as his wife and partner and I bet many is the time he has told people too.

I suggest doing a little research to investigate what stroke-orientated resources are available around you, I'm sure there will be some. Also, forums like this help, and there are forums and sites dedicated to supporting spouses and families, and, there are senior chat sites where you might be lucky in meeting one or two other people in similar situations.

The wine can bring its own problems with rapid weight gain and diabetes, curbing his desire for that may not be easy, but neither is trying to help dress, care for, maybe bathe, someone who is obese and possibly agressive.

And theres nothing selfish about taking care of yourself whilst you care for your husband, so please be kind and gentle to yourself...
jeanmark
24th Jul 2016 12:39:20
3
Thanks for voting!
Hi irisheyes, I am so sorry about your husband and understand that his behaviour may be his way to try to adjust to the change in his life. He is fortunate that he has your love, even if at times it appears he doesn't recognise that. You are not being selfish, such a life changing event affects you both and you are asking for advise which is a good step forward. I would suggest you go to the Stoke Association website, stroke.org.uk and under 'support' you can put in your postcode to find what support there is in your area. I don't know what is available where you live or what help the hospital has offered but this may be a start in finding what you need, recognising you are not alone and help you find other people experiencing similar situations. There can be comfort in being able to talk in confidence with someone experiencing the same feelings as you are and being able to recognise you are in no way being selfish in your thoughts. I'm sorry I can't do more but hope this has been of some help.

Community Terms & Conditions

Content standards

These content standards apply to any and all material which you contribute to our site (contributions), and to any interactive services associated with it.

You must comply with the spirit of the following standards as well as the letter. The standards apply to each part of any contribution as well as to its whole.

Contributions must:

be accurate (where they state facts); be genuinely held (where they state opinions); and comply with applicable law in the UK and in any country from which they are posted.

Contributions must not:

contain any material which is defamatory of any person; or contain any material which is obscene, offensive, hateful or inflammatory; or promote sexually explicit material; or promote violence; promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age; or infringe any copyright, database right or trade mark of any other person; or be likely to deceive any person; or be made in breach of any legal duty owed to a third party, such as a contractual duty or a duty of confidence; or promote any illegal activity; or be threatening, abuse or invade another’s privacy, or cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety; or be likely to harass, upset, embarrass, alarm or annoy any other person; or be used to impersonate any person, or to misrepresent your identity or affiliation with any person; or give the impression that they emanate from us, if this is not the case; or advocate, promote or assist any unlawful act such as (by way of example only) copyright infringement or computer misuse.

Nurturing a safe environment

Our Silversurfers community is designed to foster friendships, based on trust, honesty, integrity and loyalty and is underpinned by these values.

We don't tolerate swearing, and reserve the right to remove any posts which we feel may offend others... let's keep it friendly!