Positivity, hope? where is it?
Watch this postBecause of my personal life experiences and insecurities, this time of year is painful, I feel like a lost soul floating above everyone, looking down, searching. Deep down in my gut is total fear and emptiness. Since we moved to the area we live, most days I see ambulances or hear about a death, it is effecting me, I feel terrified all the time of losing my husband as I know without a doubt I could not cope without him. My apologies to those who have lost loved ones, probably thinking I should get myself together but it is just an horrendous, morbid fear of loss, of which I have had too much of, my husband is literally now my heart and soul. Apart from my son, no-one would knock on my door, it is such a horrible feeling I really don't want anymore. I hate the idea that my son, like a lot of men these days is divorced, living alone, surviving. He never wanted a life like this but is just a victim of having a kind heart and being too soft. Not that he portrays this, on the contrary he is amazing in his approach to everything but it is not a life he would have chose. I would have liked to help somewhere over Christmas period, we contacted Crisis earlier in the year (August time) to offer our help and just 3 weeks ago we received an email to say 'thanks but no thanks, we have plenty people now!' I give up! I want to 'be there' for people, help somehow.. I would not send money to charities that advertise to pay for a meal for someone at Christmas time, too much is creamed off by those at the top. So much television, films, adverts all portraying family around tables, people knocking on doors, happy Christmas...roll on January
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I live new year, though, it always seems like a new school exercise book with all the blank pages waiting to be written upon.
Don't dread the future, that will rob you of your present!
Live each moment as best as you can.
Time ripens all things.
Remember there are good people who do care and want to help..
I sincerely hope that the New Year brings peace and happiness to you and your family!
Looking back at my post I do feel a little pathetic but it was one of those times when I did feel as you say 'desperate' redeeming faith in human nature would help but think there is just too much damage done, I live in hope for the new year and thanks again.
x
Happy New Year!!
I am sure we have all felt like you at some point in time... I know I certainly have..
2017 will bring lots if joy-:)) x