I wish I’d looked after my feet

My version of the Pam Ayres poem (I wish I’d looked after my teeth).

I wish I’d looked after my feet

Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet
As they ache and burn in the heat
My corns are a pain my bunions the same
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

My stilettos and platforms are gone
Replaced with a flattie or thong
I’ve no Jimmy Choos just old ladies shoes
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

My poor old arches are flat
I’ve lost an inch cos of that
I’ve got pads to support them
The chiropodist endorsed them
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

My heels are cracked and dry
It’ll make the strongest girl cry
In my thongs, they look rough
I’ve had quite enough
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

My ingrown toenails are terribly sore
I can’t put my feet to the floor
Really hurting like hell
And are oozing a smell
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

I can hear my old mother bleat
You should look after those feet
She bought me some Brogues
But I turned up my nose
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

Now we all know a girl loves her shoes
But there’s now not a lot I can choose
I wear a pink slipper
But look like a kipper
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet.

Now my calves they pain day and night
My varicose veins are a terrible sight
I now need an op to improve the whole lot
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my feet