Supermarket Hell

Supermarket Hell

Supermarket shopping, I hate it, I really really do
The reasons are quite simple, but is it just me, or perhaps you too

I always seem to pick the worn out trolley that just won’t push straight ahead
You know the really wonky one that makes you walk crab like instead

Another thing that annoys me, because it’s usually slap bang in the way
The newspaper stand, blocked with people, just standing reading, causing delay

Then you get the piled high offers, I never want any of that stuff
I haven’t anything in my trolley yet and I’ve already had enough

And when you reach the produce, the salad is limp, the fresh fruit looks tired
And if the bag dispensers are empty, I get right wound up and fired

I don’t stop at the Veg racks, as thank heavens I have home grown
Bet your life that would be another thing to make me tut and groan and moan

The fish counter is always disappointing, the display just never looks very nice
I want my fish fresh and edible, not dull and old and over priced

The dairy aisles are a nightmare due to those who’ve come before
There is always something spilt or squashed left lying sticky on the floor

As for the duty janitor, they never can be found
Just like the store assistant, when you want them, they’re not around

The fresh bread shelves are empty, no cobs or long french sticks
The uncut loaves are hardened, no wonder they call them bricks

Toiletries and household and then all the general grocery
Why are the brands I want all missing, empty shelves are all I see

Don’t get me started on excess packaging, or labeling, it makes me want to screech
Or the offers that you do want, which are high above, out of your reach

Oh yes, I must not forget the Deli, a mile long queue when you get there
The assistants are busy gossiping, if you ask for help, you just get a glare

I strive to make it to the wine shelves, and it’s a miracle when I get that far
My mind quickly begins to calculate how many bottles I can get into the car

And then the dreaded check out, oh yes, you can absolutely bet your life
That there’ll be at least one thing on the belt, that doesn’t show up with a price

The assistant has to ask the questions about bags and cards and help to pack
But all I want is to make my escape before I have a heart attack

Your card gets swiped, the receipt spills out, as you put the goods back in the trolley
All I want is to dash to freedom, but it’s raining and I’ve got no brolly

For the second time I now unload, from wet trolley to the boxes in the boot
The shopping is wet and soggy, but I’m too stressed to give a hoot

I’m home at last, but not quite finished, there’s another unload and store away to do
My husband puts the kettle on, he can see me turning BLUE

But I’ve now found a solution to this weekly supermarket hell from hell
And no, it isn’t online shopping, that would do my head in as well

It really was quite simple, why did I not think of it before
The stressful supermarket shopping hell, is now my husband’s weekly chore.

©Karen Stoker 28/09/16