Read All About It (true story)

Read All About It (true story)

I’m not much for reading the papers
I never believe what they say,
but sometimes they grab my attention,
like the story I saw yesterday.

I read of a weight watchers meeting
where dieters, checking their ‘score’
had thought it divine intervention,
when they fell through a hole in the floor.

I bet they’d discussed expectations
as they waited to step on the scale
They just never guessed for a moment,
the whole infrastructure would fail.

Imagining their consternation;
with floorboards beginning to creak
while making a quick calculation
of chocolates they’d had in that week.

I see them all sat in the basement;
their leotards covered in dust
complaining that weight watchers conned them
with recipes no one can trust.

The comments then made by their mentor
as she stared at the mess round her feet;
“I know that we celebrate Christmas,
But blimey, how much did you eat?”

An accident ‘weighting’ to happen?
A problem no one had for seen?
Nowt left of the Weight Watcher’s meeting,
but by God you can see where they’ve been!

I know that I shouldn’t be laughing
I’ve tried enough times in the past
to lose a few pounds after Christmas.
My efforts just don’t seem to last.

My message to all of those ladies,
though your story is now widely known,
the damage you caused on that morning
I’d probably do on my own.