I’m Going on a Diet

I’m Going on a Diet

I’m going on a diet, no, I’ve made up my mind
Don’t tell me I don’t need to, you’re only being kind
I know I’m getting fatter, my clothes are all too tight
and my body, once so smooth, has been wrapped in cellulite

My standards have been dropping, I’ve been piling on the pounds
So from this moment, going forward, Biscuit Tin is out-of-bounds
Cookies are my weakness, so crunchy sweet divine
And pastries, and chocolates, and crisps and dips and wine

I’ve given it lots of thought and I’ve written up a plan
I’ll stick to it religiously, I’m positive I can
I’ve got to take control, if I don’t take some action soon
I’ll be like Mr Creosote and explode like a balloon

My jeans are digging in and they’re bulging at the seams
So to get this diet started, I’ll cut out custard creams
I’ll do the gym three times a week, I’m going to be so fit
I’ll live on soup and celery – unpack my Nutribullet

I had all good intentions then the telephone went and rang
And while chatting to my mum, I felt a hunger pang
On automatic pilot, I put the kettle on for tea
And before we finished chatting, I was on biscuit number 3

Damn, damn, damn, why am I so weak?
I’ve only got myself to blame for this bourgeoning physique
The biscuit packet is open now, it’s laying on the side
It’s time to go cold turkey, where’s my sense of pride?

I’ll be like a super model, I’ll cut down on my meals
Nothing tastes as good they say as being skinny feels
I’ll start on it tomorrow, I’ve made a solemn vow
But just in case I’m tempted, I’ll eat all the biscuits now

Anita Brooke www.TheArtfulPoet.com