Diary of a self-isolator – week 43

 A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 03/01/2021 – Day 295

There I was lay in bed with my tummy rumbling at 6’00am when I suddenly remembered that a cockroach can live up to nine days without its head before it actually starves to death, it was at this point I went downstairs to prepare my four Weetabix as I didn’t fancy starving to death OR losing my old head, as useless as it is I do like it in-situ.

Some shock news this morning as my daughter phoned up to say her hubby has somehow got coronavirus. After not feeling too well he made an appointment at the local testing centre, got himself tested and it came back positive! This basically means that the whole family is in quarantine for the next ten days I am contemplating whether or not to pop around there during the night and paint a big red cross on their lovely white front door with the words ‘unclean’ beneath, not that I’m unsympathetic you understand.

Speaking of this damn pandemic, the latest problem is getting the vaccine distributed apparently, well I have a solution to this, why don’t they just get Aldi checkout staff to distribute it? – we should all be vaccinated by January 5^th I reckon!

We had another 5cms of snow last night, it was sticking quite bad too, but when I looked out this morning it must have been raining because a lot of it had gone, we have been steadily thawing out most of the day.

Well it’s now official, Mrs H and I are now living in a Christmas free zone, you wouldn’t even know that the jolly old fat fellow in the red suit had been here at all, and before you ask – no, I don’t have a red suit. Isn’t it strange how it takes nearly two days to put up all the decorations and yet just 2 hours to take them all down again, and that includes mauling umpteen boxes and trees up into the cobweb filled attic.

On this day in 1946 William Joyce (Lord Haw-Haw) had the smile wiped off his face when he was hanged for treason, in London. Born in Brooklyn, New York, he had broadcast propaganda from Nazi Germany during the Second World War to both Britain and the United States. The broadcasts started on 18th September 1939 and continued until 30th April 1945, when Hamburg was overrun by the British Army.

Also on this day in 2015, A 51,000 tonne car carrier ship (Hoegh Osaka) became stranded on Bramble Bank in the Solent between Southampton and the Isle of Wight. The ship was carrying 1,200 Jaguar sports cars, Land Rover 4x4s, 65 BMW Minis, 105 JCB diggers and a single Rolls-Royce Wraith – worth an estimated £260,000 – all destined for the Middle East. The vessel was eventually righted and towed to Southampton on 22nd January after 2000 petrol heads from all over England helped push start it off the bank it was lodged on. (I actually made the last bit up, but I could envisage the Top Gear team putting out an appeal).

On the day that Labour leader Kier Starmer was calling for a complete National lockdown within 24 hours the figures revealed that there were 54990 new cases in the past 24 hours, there were also a further 454 deaths, but that figure didn’t include Scotland.

Monday 04/01/2021 – Day 296

I was up with the Lark this morning, apparently that saying comes from the songbird which is nearly always the first bird you will hear first thing in the morning, except for around here of course, all we get is the constant cooing of the local pigeon population of which there are hundreds. You know how the Grey squirrels scared all those nice red squirrels away? Well, it’s the same here, only the pigeons have scared all the larks away! Now where was I – oh yes I was up with the lark this morning eating my breakfast of four Weetabix when ‘bouncer’ turned up to defecate over my memory bench by bouncing up and down in front of the mirror above the bench in an attempt to loosen its bowels, and yes, there you go, worked perfectly.

I am ashamed to say that I have gained over half a stone in the last month, this is basically the result of being sat on my big fat derriere surrounded by endless tins of Roses chocolates, Quality street and Celebrations – resulting in three tins of wrappers. Mrs H only asked me today if I wanted the empty containers to keep any items in the repair shop, Just what I need when I’m working in there – a constant reminder of those days of bingeing whilst soaking up numerous pints of Guinness and watching endless repeats of Salvage Hunters with Drew Pritchard, no thank you. I haven’t asked Mrs H if she has weighed herself lately as I like my head where it is, and I don’t want to end up like that poor cockroach, not to mention the unladylike language that emits from her mouth when anything slightly related to weight is mentioned.

Just watching an advert which said Gordons had now introduced an alcohol free Gin, what is the good of that?  great for all those misers at Christmas though, they can invite everyone around and just keep filling the bottle up from the tap!

So, at 8.00pm tonight Boris bowed to pressure and had no choice but to announce another full National lockdown until (at the moment) February 15^th, this has been brewing all over the weekend as he came under increasing pressure to close the schools, but I have to say – it seems to have caught all the political editors off their guard – they seemed to be expecting most areas to go up to Tier four, and perhaps a few of the schools to close, but that was about it. This for me is devastating news, I won’t be able to buy the love of my life a Valentine card and yes, I do mean Mrs H. it also means of course that you poor things are stuck with me and my ramblings for a lot longer!

Meanwhile on this day 1938 Bertram Mills’ Circus became the first circus to be shown on television. This was also the first time that a paying audience for any event had been televised, and audience members were informed that they could request seats out of range of the cameras. Originally from Paddington, London, his circus became famous in Britain for its Christmas shows at Olympia in West London and his troupe were the last to perform with live animals on the Drury Lane Theatre stage. They didn’t know it at the time but they set a precedent as fools and clowns have inundated our TV screens since.

Also on this day in 1957 A dissatisfied plastic surgeon patient was sentenced in London’ imprisonment, after he had threatened his surgeon with a gun, complaining that his nose was too short. The man nicknamed ‘Pinnochio’ got ten years.

In 2000 Catherine Hartley and Fiona Thornewill, the first British women to walk across Antarctica to the South Pole arrived safely, more than two months after starting their record-breaking journey. It was said that they could have done it in one month had they not kept stopping for a ‘catch up’ (sorry Ladies, couldn’t resist it)’

There was some good news today, Brian Pinker, aged 82 and from Oxford, became the first person in the world to be given the Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine, at Oxford’s Churchill Hospital. Mr Pinker, who has been having dialysis for kidney disease at the hospital for a number of years, was pleased to be getting protection against coronavirus. He said the jab will give him peace of mind as he continues to receive treatment, and he is now looking forward to celebrating his 48th wedding anniversary in February.

New case figures were once again up today, for the sixth day running they were over 50.000 and today were at 58784, recorded deaths were at 451.

Tuesday 05/01/2021 – Day 297

Lay in bed at 5,30am contemplating life and wondering – why in France is a person allowed to marry a dead person? A few minutes -nay seconds – spent thinking about that true fact and I bored myself back to sleep, I eventually rose around 7.40am, a bit of a lie-in for me.

I have to confess to being a bit of an idiot, since the end of October my exterior lights have been blowing every time we’ve had a downpour, I thought I had fixed the problem so hadn’t bothered about it since, then of course we had the Christmas lights on, anyway, to cut a long story short we switched them on yesterday and they blew again, there was only two places there could have been a problem, I knew the one place was ok so I looked at the other side, to do that I had to lift the last two block paviers that I had set down, well actually, hammered down – literally! When I lifted them I noticed that the top of the waterproof box had been shattered – by my over zealous use of a large rubber mallet, who’s a silly boy then, answers on a postcard please. So, my punishment was that I had to kneel out there with a Northern wind blowing and repair the connectors with a proper waterproof one, it should be ok now – touch wood.

Did you ever wonder where the saying ‘Touch wood came from? one explanation states that the tradition derived from the Pagans who thought that trees were the homes of fairies, spirits, dryads and many other mystical creatures.  In these instances, people might knock or touch wood to request good luck, or to distract spirits with evil intentions. When in need of a favour or some good luck, one politely mentioned this wish to a tree and then touched the bark, representing the first “knock.” The second “knock” was to say “thank you.” The knocking was also supposed to prevent evil spirits from hearing your speech and as such stop them from interfering. Alternatively, some traditions have it that by knocking upon wood, you would awaken and release the benevolent wood fairies that dwelt there.

The idea that knocking or touching wood would ward off evil or bring you good luck, may have been adapted by Christians, as were many early pagan beliefs. In a number of Christian communities, the belief is that by touching wood, you are touching the wood of the Cross and as such are seeking the protection of God. On this same token, there were people who believed that by carrying pieces of wood or the true cross, that this would bring you good luck.

Mrs H was in the lounge watching TV when I heard her shouting “Don’t go in the church you stupid woman!”, Curious I went in to her.

“What on earth are you watching?”

“Our wedding Video” she said.

Today for the first time the number of new cases went over 60,000, there were 60,961new cases reported today, worse still, the number of new deaths recorded almost doubled to 830.

Wednesday 06/01/2021 -Day 298

I was lay in bed this morning thinking about the fact that a Giraffe can clean its ears with its own tongue, I know a few women that could possibly do the same.

The third National lockdown should be official today, although it was announced by Boris on Monday 4^th, it can’t be announced as official until MP’s vote on the new rules today, it is expected to be passed.

Someone sent Mrs H a video about using Vodka to help clean the house, and it really works, apparently, if she drinks lots of it, the whole place looks spotless!

Once again I had forgotten to get the milk out of the fridge in the shed, this meant a trip down the path in dressing gown at 6.00am in the freezing cold and for some unknown reason my first day at school came back to mind. That too was a really cold day.

We were ushered into a little room called the cloakroom, the walls were half tiled in a bottle green colour with a whitewash wall above, splattered with the graffiti of the day – crayon marks!, There was a stack of empty crates containing small empty bottles, the remnants of yesterday’s milk allowance,  each of us was allowed to choose a peg, these pegs had stickers of animals next to them and whichever one you chose became your peg for the next two years, As I said earlier, I was a bit worldly wise for my years and noticed a peg away from the door and by a big cast iron radiator, in the winter if it snowed or rained that would be the best peg to dry out my coat, should I have one. I was torn between the lion or the elephant, I chose the lion!

The school was of the old type with three classrooms around a central hall which doubled up as an exercise room for playing in. There were around forty – seven of us and we were escorted to the big classroom and told to sit, a scramble was made for the small desks at the back of the room and obviously the furthest away from teacher, I was far too slow and inevitably ended up on the front row! As I looked around there was an actual sandpit in one corner, in another corner was a massive dolls house and then a circle of small tables covered in all different colours of previously spent paints.

A very elderly woman ( I suspect now that she was only probably about thirtyish) swept into the room with a rousing ‘Good morning children’ and met with a deafening silence, Undaunted she continued to tell us that her name was Miss Smith and that she would be teaching us for the next twelve months,  she went round the room asking each of us our name and I cannot remember her ever asking again, yet within the hour she knew every one of us personally. The morning continued with us basically doing whatever we wanted to as long as it was in the confines of the classroom. I was in my high delight, coming from a large family we didn’t have things like paints, crayons and my personal favourite plasticine, there were soldiers, cowboys and Indians and I eagerly ran from one item to another like a child in a sweet shop.

At twelve o clock precisely the bell rang again and we were all dismissed for lunch, The teachers  just left you to it, they didn’t seem to mind or care where you went or what you did, but, having said that, the streets were a lot safer than they are today, there were no school dinners in those days, you either took sandwiches or you went home, Wandering towards the door I had earlier come through I saw my seven year old sister waiting, she had walked from the junior school down the road to escort me home for dinner, it was almost two miles home and the same back to school,  between those two journeys I had around about half an hour to eat my dinner which had already been prepared by Mum, Four miles today seems a long way but I was young, fit and able,  the amazing thing was that it felt like a short stretch of the legs to me. But, as the old saying goes – they were without doubt the happiest days of my life.

On a very worrying day for the UK figures continued to rise for new cases, in the past 24 hours 62,327 new cases were recorded, but the most concerning thing was that the UK registered 1041 deaths, this is the highest figure since April 21 2020.

Thursday 07/01/2021 – Day 299

It looks as though we’ve had snow outside, but in fact it is just a really bad frost, our car is white over and everything is a blanket of white, I reckon it must have been about -8 degrees throughout the night, I always feel for those who are sleeping rough on nights like this.

Went on to the Government website today to see what was going on, there was an announcement which said:

‘Tonight at 7.00pm a satellite will pass over the UK to take the temperature of  every UK citizen, you should stand naked outside your house and point your passport skyward’.

I think it’s a bit of a con, what about all those who don’t have a passport?

Well, it’s 11.45am and Mrs H and I are still in our dressing gowns, we may well still be in them in 4 hours time except for the fact that I really do need a shower. I really don’t like getting too serious on here, after all my diary is supposed to cheer people up. But please allow me just a couple of lines to express my feelings on recent events. I run a site about local matters and events, with the help of some excellent Admin the site runs quite smoothly -until the last week or so. There is a handful of antagonists who have been making life impossible. These people – and I use the term very loosely – come onto the site and ridicule reports from the local paper about the recent uprise in coronavirus, they insinuate or even insist that it doesn’t exist or that the figures are being fudged, I hate all these people and believe me , I do not normally hate anyone, but they are a special breed, there was a report on the BBC news from University hospital in London, you would have to be really heartless to not be affected by those crying nurses, and those patients desperately holding on to life, but those keyboard warriors don’t care. Well thank you all for letting me have a gripe, it is the last time I will mention these idiots.

Meanwhile the person I love, the wonderful Mrs H is infatuated with cleanliness during this pandemic, she has made me use so much disinfectant, soap and hand sanitiser, that when I go for a pee It cleans the toilet!

I am sat here on the sofa, we have been really naughty and had fish and chips delivered by a company called Appy Grab. It’s quite a good idea really, you just download the app and you get a choice of local Fish shops, Indian takeaways, Chinese takeaways, Mexican and even a full blown breakfast, You just pay normal price for what you want, pay a 50p service charge and £2.50 for the taxi, it also keeps everyone in work of course. I’ll start the diet next week.

This freezing fog hasn’t lifted all day, I’ve just looked out the window and guess what – it’s snowing on top of frosty ground.

It was a bittersweet day with the coronavirus today, firstly the number of new cases dropped substantially to 52618, 10,000 less than yesterday, but as feared registered deaths continued to rise to 1162.

Friday 08/01/2021 – Day 300

Well, if someone had said to me back in March that I would have the next 300 days in almost solitary I would have laughed at them, yet here we are, 300 days with Mrs H and we’re still happily married! Mind you, it works both ways, you wouldn’t believe this but even I am sometimes difficult to live with lol.

Today I am starting Mrs H’s canopy on the decking, there’s a bit of preparation work to do first, all the guttering off the existing roof needs re-siting, and I have to find someway of ‘suspending’ one of the main posts, there is a manhole right in the place I have to put it!.

I hadn’t heard from George for quite a time, so during a moment of partial insanity I decided to ring him, we were chatting on about the old days, I have known him since we were babt’s, his family were really poor, I suppose everyone was in those days, always popping round to borrow a cup of sugar, or a ‘bob’ for the meter. George’s mum actually sent him around to ours with a button once, asked if my mum could sew a shirt on it! He reckoned that their house was so small that he had to go outside to change his mind. We weren’t much better off, on my sixth birthday my mum had only got three candles so she put my cake in front of the mirror!

On this day in 1935 Elvis Aaron Presley was born to Vernon and Gladys Presley in a two-room house in Tupelo, Mississippi,. … In 1954, Elvis began his singing career with the legendary Sun Records label in Memphis. In late 1955, his recording contract was sold to RCA Victor. By 1956, he was an international sensation.

Also on this day In 1940 during World War II: Britain introduced food rationing. Restaurants were initially exempt from rationing, but this was resented, as the rich could supplement their food allowance by eating out frequently and extravagantly, so new rules were introduced.

Today the highest ever number of deaths since the pandemic began was recorded, the number was 1325, there were also 68,053 new cases recorded, the highest figure this week. The figures were revealed as London Mayor Sadiq Khan declared a “major incident” over the increase of cases in the capital’s hospitals.

Mr Khan said:  “The situation in London is now critical with the spread of the virus out of control.”  He is saying that London hospitals will run out of beds in the next few weeks if the virus doesn’t slow down.

Saturday 09/01/2021 – Day 301

I was woken at 5.30 this morning by my own snoring!, for some unknown reason it reminded me that the noise made by the Victoria Falls can be heard 40 miles away – hah! Lightweights.

I was so bored yesterday that I sat and swapped all the celebrations wrappers around, Mrs H wasn’t too pleased, she got her Snickers in a Twixt.

I had plans – weather permitting – to go out and continue the building of Mrs H’s canopy, a bit different to my Saturday morning 60 years ago.

My Saturday morning in the late fifties started with a couple of hours at the local ABC minors, as we came out into the daylight we would shield our eyes and run off down the street slapping our backside and shouting ‘Hi ho Silver’. Then it was over to the indoor market to browse the model cowboys and Indians and of course the soldiers, Next it was over to the comic swap stall to have a free look at the comics we couldn’t afford, within minutes we were told to  ‘sling your hook if you ain’t buying’. By 12.30 pm we were home, then it was round to the chippie for three sixpenny portions of chips between seven of us! In the afternoon the ‘pop man’ would call, ours was the Corona man, I particularly liked Ice Cream Soda and Dandelion & Burdock, Mum had a crate of six mixed pop every week. The pop man was normally followed by the beer chap with the big sign on his wagon stating that ‘Beer at home means Davenport’, my dad always had half a dozen bottles yet strangely I never can remember him drinking in the house. Our Saturday afternoon concluded with a full loaf of Mother’s Pride and half a dozen Fyffes bananas – all mashed – if they weren’t mashed they wouldn’t go around. These were eaten in complete silence as dad listened to the pools results on the radio in hope of winning the £75,000 jackpot. There then followed a big rush for the best seat in front of the TV for the evening.

There’s a MUST watch documentary on BBC2 about the Covid beginning tomorrow night at 9.00pm. Apparently, it’s all about 2 brothers called Wong from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, they were due to get on Flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared.

Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain, and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully sabotaged the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though. It’s really interesting. Have a look at it, it’s called…..

Two Wongs Don’t Make a Flight.

It has been a terrible week in the UK this week, the figures overall were horrendous, the number of new cases were down again today at 59937, that means the total for my week was 417,620, this is 75,674 up on last weeks figures. The number of recorded deaths for the last 24 hours were 1035, the total for my week is 6,298 over 2000 up on last week and double the previous weeks numbers. There are now three million new cases in the UK, the total number of deaths is 80,068. There is, however, a glimmer of hope, the source I use for my information has never given recovery figures, but in the light of new vaccines etc they have now started including them and to date there have been 1,406,967 recoveries.

On that sad note, I will take my leave for another week. Take care everyone and stay safe!

I’ll leave you with a picture of my latest acquisition, hopefully by next week – in my skillful hands – this will become a Cocktail cabinet – or firewood, will update you in my next diary.

It’s been emotional.