Diary of a self-isolator – week 51

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 28/02/2021 – Day 352

Here we are at the start of week 51 and just 13 days away from the first time I ever foisted this pile of garbage on to you – the unsuspecting reader.

Another frosty start but what promises to be another warm day here in downtown Kidderminster. I opened my AOL mail this morning to be greeted by pictures of thousands of people on the South coast basking in the mild weather, even after they have been told not to relax yet, will they never learn?

I went downstairs very apprehensively this morning, I opened the blinds to check for trapped pigeons, happily there were none to be seen.

Opposite where I live there is a big patch of greenery where there is a most splendid show of daffodils every Spring, sadly it is also a place used by the many dog owners in this area, I have this theory, I reckon dogs are the most intelligent life force on this planet, Why? I hear you cry, well dear reader, the dog is pampered all day, taken for walkies, then it poops anywhere it likes and guess who has to carry it home? I rest my case M’lud.

Today in 1888 in a Belfast street, a small boy named Johnny Dunlop was riding his tricycle under the supervision of his father. The two rear wheels of the tricycle were the world’s first pneumatic tyres and he was testing them. The test was so successful that his father was granted patent number 10607 on 23rd July.

I have a question for my male readers, When you’re 25 you play football, when you’re 45 you play tennis, then at the age of 65 you play Golf, Have you noticed that the older you get – your balls get smaller?

On this day in 1918 The birth of Alfred Burke, British actor best known for his portrayal of Frank Marker in the drama series Public Eye, which ran on television for ten years from 1965 to 1975.

Also on this day in 1925 The birth of the actor Harry H. Corbett. In the early 1950s, he added the initial “H” to avoid confusion with the television entertainer Harry Corbett, who was known for his act with the glove-puppet Sooty. A chance meeting with writers Ray Galton and Alan Simpson, who had been successful with Hancock’s Half Hour, changed Corbett’s life. He is best known for his starring role in the popular and long-running BBC Television sitcom Steptoe and Son. Early in his career he was dubbed ‘the English Marlon Brando’ by some sections of the British press, Steptoe and son first appeared on our screens in 1962, there were four series up until 1965, but for some inexplicable reason it was then dropped for five years until 1970, then it came back onto our screens until 1974. A classic comedy, who can forget Albert the ‘dirty old man’ having a bath in the kitchen sink whilst eating pickled onions, and I’ll bet there aren’t many of you know the name of their horse! Oh dear, I suddenly feel very old.

Mind, You know that you’re old when you start planning your afternoon nap while you’re still lying in bed at 8.00am.

There were 6035 new cases reported today, while the number of deaths were at their lowest since last September at 144.

Monday 01/03/2021 – Day 353

White rabbits, white rabbits, white rabbits, no dear reader they’re not breeding, that is what we say on the first of the month around these parts.

Well, it were a real crispy job this morning, everything was white when I hauled this sack of bones from the comfort of our bed, having said that, I don’t think it was quite that cold, it’s just that we’ve been really spoilt over the last few days with the above average weather. I had my four Weetabix and popped my head outside as the rest of my body didn’t seem to want to know, it was far too nippy so I decided to leave it a few hours before venturing out.

It was a good job I was up early, my timber delivery arrived at 7.30, a nice cheerful chap with no mask and no gloves knocked the door, I swear, I’m going to put a great big red ring around our doorbell, no-one seems to use it, anyway, I had to tell him I was shielding so I couldn’t help him unload the order (besides the fact that it cost an arm and a leg) “No problem” he said cheerfully – and he got on with the job – leaving me feeling a little guilty. The poor chap, it took him longer to undo all the straps than it did to take my delivery off, then he had to do them all up again!

Did I tell you that at the moment our post is a little non-existent? It turns out that over fifty of the local postmen have tested positive for the virus, it’s not surprising I suppose, given the number of letters and parcels they must handle every day, my heart really does go out to them and their families who also have to isolate for ten days.

Around 11.00am it seemed to be a bit warmer, so I donned my coat and off I toddled outside to sort out the electrics for the Garden room. We are ok for lighting as there was already a light there, but we have no sockets for Mrs H to plug all her lamps into, or to plug her mini bar into, I mean, heaven forbid that she is forced to drink warmish White Zinfandel.

The doing of the job in hand wasn’t a problem, I just had to get a cable from the nearby Garage fuse box and into the Garden room – doddle of a job – or so I thought. Have you ever used one of those tightly wound cable drums? It was fine at first it started coming out nice and straight and I thought I’d be finished for lunchtime, then it started to twist – and knot – and twist again, the cable was doing more twisting that a three thousand strong fan club at a Chubby Checker re-union party! The more I tugged the worse it got, in the end I was forced to bow to the supremacy of the twisted 25 meters of cable and roll it out flat down the garden, twisting it back flat as I went. It was 3.00pm when I finished, and that was only placing the cable, tomorrow I have to attach the sockets – why me Lord?

I went back into the warmth of our lounge and sat down to relax, then Mrs H walked in, took one look at me crushing her best cushions with my dirty clothes and then looked at me, I got out of there quicker than a speeding bullet.

New cases continue to fall as the vaccines do their job, the number registered today was 5455, the number of deaths were half of what they were two weeks ago and numbered 104. We’re not there yet but we are heading in the right direction.

Tuesday 02/03/2021 – Day 354

I was lay awake this morning contemplating the fact that it is physically impossible for pigs to look up to the sky, that is very true, trust me, would I lie to you? Here’s another startling fact that I read last night (I lead such an interesting and varied life – yawn) Rats multiply so quickly that in just eighteen months two rats could have over a million descendants, no wonder Roland always looked so happy on TV.

We had so much post today that the poor old postman had to ring the doorbell it would have taken him ages to post it all through the letterbox, I don’t have a fan club and neither does Mrs H, it was all bills and circulars!

The Health Secretary Matt Hancock was on TV at teatime yesterday, it seems that they have lost a male/female who has got the Brazilian strain of the virus and is running around freely. Otherwise it was a back patting exercise for the NHS. I’m sure all those hard working Nurses and Doctors would rather see a big thank you in their wage packets – nuff said!

On this day in 1918 the birth in Kenmare, Ireland, of Sir Peter O’Sullevan, horse racing commentator for the BBC for fifty years, from 1947 to 1997.He lost me a pretty packet on nags that he said came in first instead of my choice.

Also on this day in 1930 David Herbert Lawrence (known as D.H. Lawrence), novelist and poet, died from tuberculosis in Vence – France at the age of 44. His books included Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Women in Love and Sons and Lovers. This reminded me of my schooldays, I was naughty and started smoking at a very early age, we used to gather down a mate’s entry for a quick smoke before school, one day he brought out his Dad’s secret copy of Lady Chatterley’s lover, we didn’t have to search for the best bits as all the best pages were dog eared from constant use by his dad!

1947 The birth of Harry Redknapp, former English footballer with a long career in football management, starting in 1983 with Bournemouth and manager of Tottenham Hotspur from 2008.

And finally, on this day in 2015 The last surviving Dambusters pilot (Squadron Leader Les Munro) decided to sell his gallantry medals awarded for the famous raid and donate the proceeds to the newly-built Bomber Command Memorial in London, dedicated to the 55,573 airmen killed during the Second World War. The Dam Busters was the first film I ever went to see at the cinema, I went with my older brother Mick, I was about four years old at the time but that stirring music score has stuck in my mind all my life, If I hear it now it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. In those days there were always two films shown, the other film starred one of my childhood favourites Tommy Trinder, the film was called ‘You Lucky People’ and also starred Dora Bryan I think. Happy days back then.

Didn’t venture outdoors till around 11.00 am as it was quite cold, but within an hour the sun was out and I was working in just a T shirt, I had jeans and shoes on as well of course, I managed to complete all the electrics for the Garden room which included three double sockets, It was getting pretty chilly again by four o clock so I thought I’d connect it to the mains tomorrow as I didn’t want to make a mistake and have a batch of unwanted curly hair! Don’t worry, my friend who is a qualified electrician is going to check it all out when it’s done.

The Government search for the last Brazilian variant suspect has been whittled down to just 379 homes in the South East of the country. All those people will be contacted to see if they had a test on the 13^th or 14^th February and have not had their results back yet. Meanwhile, the usual Tuesday surge after the weekend hasn’t occurred this week, New cases remain stable at 6391 and registered deaths in the past 24 hours were 343, half of what they were two weeks ago.

Wednesday03/03/2021 – Day 355

I read last night (yes, I can read) that Honey is the only known food that doesn’t spoil, it seems that honey that was found in the tombs of Egyptian Pharaohs was tasted by archaeologists and was found to be edible, we only know this fact because the archaeologist lasted just long enough to utter the words (just Joking, but the honey fact is true).

It was with some trepidation that I went into the Repair shop today, why? Well the main fuse box for outside is in there and I had to connect all the sockets that I had fitted yesterday, It wasn’t a job I had been looking forward to as I do like my hair quite straight, I stripped the wires and poked them into what I assumed were the right places – then I threw the switch – bit of a result, there were no loud bangs, no sudden flashes or surges, so either the sockets weren’t working or I had done the job correctly, I plugged my drill into the first socket, yes perfect, I tried each socket in turn and each was fine, the Garden room was now live – if you’ll excuse the pun!

Then it started to rain, just as ‘Singing in the Rain’ came on my radio, I decided that it was a day for relaxing so I grabbed a book and sat down to do just that, I was reading about some of the great British Dramas that had been on our TV screens and it was quite fascinating to read about it, I suppose you all recall the excellent ‘Dixon of Dock Green’, but do you remember that PC George Dixon started life as a bobby in a film called ‘The Blue Lamp?’, he was actually killed off in the film but resurrected by popular public demand. Who can forget the eccentric Siegfried and his brother Tristram, they were accompanied by James, the series ran from 1978 to 1990, it was set in Yorkshire and was based on the books of real Vet James Herriott.

Speaking of Yorkshire series can you remember a series called ‘Sam’ about a young man played brilliantly by Mark McManus, making his way up in the property business it ran from 1973 -1975, I’ve always been a sucker for nostalgic series and one of the best was ‘When the Boat Comes In’ starring James Bolam and covering events in Gallowshields in the North East of England as Jack Ford leaves the army after the end of World War One.

You’d have to go back a fair old way to recall ‘Dr Finlay’s Casebook’ though, a Scottish series set in the small town of Tannochbrae in the 1920’s and based on A J Cronin’s books ‘A Country Doctor’, It starred Bill Simpson as Dr Finlay and Andrew Cruickshank as Dr  Cameron, but the real star of the show for many was the housekeeper Janet, played wonderfully by Barbara Mullen. It was re-made in the early nineties but never had the same impact as the original series.

A series that was considered a bit steamy and Taboo at the time was ‘Bouquet of Barbed Wire’, it was about the relationship of a father played by Frank Finlay and his daughter played by Susan Penhaligon, some of the scenes for that period were quite explicit and kept many a housewife on the sofa while the old man was down the local! The first screening was in 1976, but it was so popular a sequel was ordered in 1977 called ‘Another Bouquet’ using the same characters but later in life. A New version was made in 2010 and starred Trevor Eve, it also did quite well in the ratings.

Another brilliant series was of course ‘A Family at War’, It revolved around the Ashton family from Liverpool covering the years from 1930 to 1945, there were three series from 1970 to 1973.

And finally, what I considered was one of the best dramas on TV was ‘Upstairs Downstairs’ about an upper crust family who reside at 165 Eaton Place in London’s fashionable Belgravia, and their servants (“downstairs”). The series covered the period 1900 to 1930 and ran from 1971 to 1975, it made big stars of a lot of the then unknown cast. Two of the best loved characters were played by John Alderton and Pauline Collins who were Husband and wife in reality, a spin off series called ‘Thomas and Sarah’ was created for them, such was their popularity.

I hope you enjoyed my quick look at British Drama, made in a time when good acting and writing was imperative and Drama didn’t rely on two men in a relationship, two women kissing or a host of foul language.

Well, Mrs H and I sat there at 12.30 pm watching good old Rishi Sunak giving it his best shot in Budget 2021 – and we both fell asleep. Rock on Rishi, the best thing ever for insomnia!

New cases continue to hover just above the 6000 mark, today they were 6385, newly registered deaths were at 315.

Thursday 04/03/2021 – Day 356

Got up a bit late this morning because I started watching a new tv program last night, it’s about a bloke who only drinks blood but eats everything.I think it was called Vampire the Buffet Slayer.

My calculator has stopped working without warning. I don’t know what’s wrong with it, It just doesn’t add up.

I can’t wait for this lockdown to end and I can go to friends weddings again, the last wedding I went to the groom was a quizmaster, He said to all the men in the room “Go and stand next to the person who has made you the happiest for most of your life.” The poor barman was almost crushed to death.

I finally heard from George today, “Where have you been” I asked, he said he’d been building a chicken coup in his garden, he’s decided to get some hens because he’s fed up of buying stale ones at the supermarket, besides the fact that he was fed up of putting his mask on and gelling all the time.

“I went to Sainsbury’s the other day to stock up on eggs, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a parking attendant writing a parking ticket for being in a disabled spot. So, I went up to him and said, “Come on, mate how about giving a guy a break?”

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked horse jockey He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tyres. So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he’s so ugly. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on until he’d placed 5 tickets on the windscreen. The more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner.”

“And apparently. last week a car similar to mine was used in a robbery, on the way home from Sainsbury’s I was stopped by a police car, he got out and asked where I was between 6 and 7, I don’t think ‘school’ was the answer he wanted.”

Sigh! I’ve missed George.

I’ve been putting the finishing touches to Mrs H’s Bar (as in drinking) I have to say the whole thing has been a logistical nightmare, just to keep it square took all my skill and knowledge, I wish I’d never seen that pallet, in fact, the next time I order sheet materials I am going to insist that they take their rubbish pallet home with them!

New cases were at 6572 today, the highest number for the week, newly recorded deaths were at 242.

Friday 05/03/2021 – day 357

Do you remember I was doing an article about children’s favourite songs last week? Well, I came across an episode of ‘Torchy the Battery Boy’ on You tube this morning, how on earth I watched that as a youngster I will never know, he was really quite creepy looking and put the recent ‘Chucky’ well in the shade. I must do a piece on what we used to watch on TV as children, I mean, everyone knows about the old favourites like Andy Pandy, the Woodentops etc, but I can think of a few that’ll jog your memory, watch this space.

I was forced – through no fault of my own – to watch bits of Coronation street last night, what a dire lot! There is absolutely no-one in that show who is a true character, which of course means that the programme is a waste of time, it’s not the actor’s fault, it is the so-called writers who churn out this garbage and expect the viewer to believe it. I recall the days of the 70’s and 80’s when you cared about the likes of Hilda Ogden, Ena Sharples, Minnie Caldwell, Annie Walker, because they were proper characters drawn from real life, Even lovable rogues like Jack and Vera Duckworth, Stan Ogden and Eddy Yates were all real people, everyone knew someone like them in real life. The writers in my humble opinion have really lost their way and get their characters to just stumble from one crisis to another, because there are no real writers with an ounce of imagination left in any of the soaps – it’s no wonder we all live in the past! Rant over.

I’m off outside to finally paint the Bar, I really will be glad to see the end of this project, it has dragged on so long.

Air supremacy played a big role on this day in 1936 The British fighter plane Spitfire made its first test flight from Eastleigh, Southampton, powered by a Rolls-Royce Merlin engine. It was designed by Reginald Mitchell and was the fighter plane that helped to win the Battle of Britain. Mitchell died in 1937 without ever knowing how successful his aircraft would become. The Spitfire was first put into service with the Royal Air Force in 1938 and they remained in active service (as photo reconnaissance planes) with the Royal Air Force until 1954

Also on this day in 1943 The first flight of the Gloster Meteor jet aircraft. It was the first British jet fighter and the Allies’ first operational jet. The Meteor’s development was heavily reliant on its ground-breaking turbojet engines, developed by Sir Frank Whittle.

These events reminded me of a children’s TV programme I used to watch in in the end of the fifties, Nearly 30 years before The Flying Doctors (early 90’s) took off from Cooper’s Crossing, tall, handsome American doctor Greg Graham (Richard Denning), his blind colleague and old friend Dr Jim Harrison (Peter Madden) and his trusty nurse, Mary (Jill Adams), were life-savers in the Australian outback. Responding to urgent radio messages, they winged their way (always just in the nick of time) to remote patients in a small plane piloted by their friend, Charley (Alan White). Anyone else remember this?

New cases for today were 5947, the number of deaths continue to fall and today were at 236, half of last Friday’s figure.

Saturday 06/03/2021 – Day 358

Woke up this morning with another silly fact going through my head, it seems that if you flew a plane to the Sun it would take you twenty years to get there, it would be a lot quicker to get a taxi to number 1 London Bridge Place and visit the editor there!

After my four Weetabix this morning I decided it wasn’t too bad outside so I went out to mow the lawns whilst they were still dry. I had forgotten that I’d buried the mower somewhere in the middle shed, beneath a mixture of packing and ladders, half of which I had to remove just to get the merest glimpse of the new mower I bought last year and which has only been used twice. I stretched out my arm and just about touched the handle with my fingertips, I strained to get a grip (not for the first time in my old life  dear reader) but It was no good, I was going to have to empty at least another quarter of the shed if I was going to rescue the mower from all the crap I had thrown on top of it during those jobs in the Winter.

I eventually managed to retrieve it and pushed it triumphantly down the path to the waiting forest, I plugged it in, started it up and immediately got a covering of grass cuttings – I had forgotten the collection box – and guess where it was? Yes, I had to remove the final quarter of the shed to retrieve it, the garden was now looking like the council tip, covered in all matter of stuff that I am too tight to throw away, serves me right!

On this day in 1961 The death of Lancashire born entertainer George Formby from a heart attack, ‘king of the ukulele’. The man who had shone out from our TV screen most Sunday afternoons died at the early age of 56. Formby was buried alongside his father in Warrington Cemetery with over 150,000 mourners lining the route. The undertaker was Bruce Williams who, as Eddie Latta, had written songs for Formby. An hour after the ceremony the family read the will, which had been drawn up two weeks previously. Harry Scott—Formby’s valet and factotum—was to receive £5,000, while the rest was to go to Pat Howson the woman he was planning to marry later that year; at probate Formby’s estate was valued at £135,000. Formby’s mother and siblings were angered by the will and contested it. In the words of Bret his biographer, “mourning was marred by a greedy family squabbling over his not inconsiderable fortune”.

Todays new cases were 6040 bringing the total for the week to 42,825, still quite high but a huge 22.000 down on last weeks total. Newly registered deaths were 158, bringing the total for the week to 1,542, that is just over 800 down on last week, the chance of survival are also rising rapidly, to date, 3,199365 people have recovered, that again is 353,357 more over the week. Things at last are starting tolook a lot better, let us pray that it continues.

Well dear reader I seem to have run out of space once again, so I will leave you with the newly finished Bar which has been the bane of my life. Because of my love of music, we called it  Lyrics after Lynn and Eric of course. Until next week – stay well – stay safe!

It’s been emotional.