Diary of a self-isolator – week 49

 A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 14/02/2021 – Day 338

I woke up this morning with love in my heart, it is after all Valentine’s day. I have always tried to be a romantic, I did however have to question George’s outlook on life when he said in a sort of drunken stupor in the pub one night;

“Women are alright, but there’s nothing like the real thing.”

I questioned him about his statement next day and he couldn’t remember ever saying it!

Today of course is the Feast Day of St. Valentine, patron saint of lovers. In fact, there were fourteen Saint Valentines of ancient Rome. Of the Saint Valentine whose feast is on 14th February nothing is known, except his name and that he was buried at the Via Flaminia north of Rome on this day. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. Gretna Green, historically the first village in Scotland, has been performing weddings since 1754. They originated from cross-border elopements stemming from differences between Scottish marriage laws and those in neighbouring countries. Mrs H and I visited it with our friends Janet and John when we toured Scotland a few years back.

The oldest known Valentine’s Day message in the English language has recently been uncovered by the British Library.
Written in Norfolk more than 500 years ago, it was loose in a book they acquired from a donator, but has only just been discovered, while the language used to word them may have changed, the sentiments expressed in the message would find sympathy with many people living today.
While technology may have changed beyond recognition since medieval times, it seems some things remain the same.
Men still shy away from commitment, women still take care of the nitty-gritty of wedding arrangements – and a girl’s best friend is her mum and has been for over 500 years.

The Valentine message, which dates back to 1477, is from Margery Brews to her fiancé, John Paston. In it, she tells John she has asked her mother to put pressure on her father to increase her dowry, while at the same time saying that, if he loves her, he should be prepared to marry her anyway.

This is what Rebecca wrote to John;

“Unto my right well-beloved Valentine John Paston, squire, be this bill delivered.

“Right reverent and worshipful and my right well-beloved valentine, I recommend me unto you full heartedly, desiring to hear of your welfare, which I beseech Almighty God long for to preserve unto his pleasure and your hearts desire.

“And if it pleases you to hear of my welfare, I am not in good health of body nor of heart, nor shall I be till I hear from you.
“For there knows no creature what pain that I endure, And even on the pain of death I would reveal no more.
“And my lady my mother hath laboured the matter to my father full diligently, but she can no more get than you already know of, for which God knoweth I am full sorry.

“But if you love me, as I trust verily that you do, you will not leave me therefore.
“For even if you had not half the livelihood that you have, for to do the greatest labour that any woman alive might, I would not forsake you.

Love you truly

“And if you command me to keep me true wherever I go, indeed I will do all my might you to love and never anyone else.
“And if my friends say that I do amiss, they shall not stop me from doing so.
“My heart me bids evermore to love you truly over all earthly things.

“And if they be never so angry, I trust it shall be better in time coming.
“No more to you at this time, but the Holy Trinity have you in keeping.

“And I beseech you that this bill be not seen by any non earthly creature save only yourself.
“And this letter was written at Topcroft with full heavy heart.

“Be your own Margery Brews.”

Well. How romantic is that! It is thought the couple did eventually tie the knot and had two children.

On this day in 1963 British politician Harold Wilson was elected leader of the Labour Party following the death of former leader Hugh Gaitskell. Reminds me of that old joke when Harold’s secretary said to him, “Can I borrow your dictaphone?” he supposedly replied, “No, use your finger like everyone else!” (sorry ladies, that joke is older than me, I couldn’t resist it).

In 1984 British ice skaters Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean won the ice dance gold medal at the Winter Olympics in Sarajevo, gaining maximum points for artistic expression. This was the famous ‘Bolero’ dance.

Don’t you think that life is strange? You finally get your head together – and your body falls apart!

The number of new cases today were 10972 almost 5000 down on last week, the number of registered deaths were 258.

Monday 15/02/2021 – Day 339.

My old mind was doing overtime when I was lay in bed contemplating on getting my idle frame into first gear, did you know that the first ever jigsaw was created by a chap called John Spilsbury? Apparently in 1770 he cut around the countries on one of his maps after pasting it onto hardboard, of course it was I who created the first ever 3 D jigsaw when I broke Mrs H’s best vase and had to glue it all back together, and yes, she did notice.

I was deleting some old stuff from my phone when I came across an old text message my daughter sent me asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time……….Like sitting around the garden and drinking wine was not a good thing.

Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to have been her favourite topic of conversation. She said she was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the local club and hang out with a few of my friends.

I did this and when I got home that night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 68 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“Oh dear” I replied, “I’m in trouble then; I really don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.” The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

On this day in 1952 The Queen’s father, King George VI, was laid to rest in St .George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle.

And of course, the other big news 1971 was that the British Government launched a new, decimal currency across the country. The familiar pound (£), shilling (s) and pence (d) coins that had been in existence for more than 1000 years were to be phased out in the space of 18 months in favour of a system with 100 pennies to the pound rather than 240. I was working for a supermarket at the time, all those poor little old ladies delving into their purses and paying with an old pound note just to get decimal money in their change. A lot of them didn’t want it of course, but we weren’t allowed to give them old money back by law. Comments like ‘Mickey Mouse money’ and ‘The biggest con of the century’ were rife.

Been working outside today, it was like Summer, compared to the last week, it was probably about 9 degrees but by the time I’d been out there ten minutes I’d got my coat off! I love days like that where it’s mild and no rain.

The number of new cases continue to fall and were once again nearly 5000 down on last Monday, registered deaths were at 230.

Tuesday 16/02/2021 – Day 340

When we first went into lockdown Mrs H and I decided to write down everything we didn’t like about each other – Mrs H is still writing hers!

I was sat typing this load of garbage ready for my readers perusal, (He lives in Outer Mongolia) when I suffered a severe case of lethalogica, when I looked the word up it meant the inability to remember the word that you want!

Well, today is the day every child in the country has been waiting for (unless their mum is a terrible cook, in which case they’re dreading it). Pancake day was always eagerly awaited in our house and my dear old mum would start preparing the mixture early in the morning. There was none of this ready made mixture available today, there were no ‘microwave pancakes’ ready to warm up and put disgusting toppings on.

So by the time we got home from school the pan was already hot and sizzling, there would be one of those really large light brown mixing bowls – which every housewife had back in those days – full to the brim with the yellow mixture. Mum would dip a cup in to the bowl and pour the liquid into the frying pan, the sizzling sound was sometimes deafening, she’d allow the mixture to find its own level and then wait for the pancake to start bubbling, this was her cue to grab the handle and with great dexterity she’d toss the contents into the air and we’d all watch as it miraculously landed back in the pan with sheer perfection – and the other side up. There was then a scramble to see who was going to get the first one! My Mum’s pancakes were so thick and large that it was all you needed for your tea. As I said, there were no fancy fillings or toppings, just a sprinkling of sugar, roll it up and you were ready to go, mum would go on to make a dozen perfect pancakes, one for everyone, but we always hung around in case there was enough batter for a second one, sadly there never was. We would all be crowded into a small kitchen filled with the smells of oil etc, so as soon as we’d had a veritable feast, we would go outside to our mates who would immediately say;

“You’ve just had pancakes haven’t you?”, I always wondered how they knew!

Shrove Tuesday always falls 47 days before Easter Sunday, so the date varies from year to year and falls between February 3 and March 9. So that is why in 2021 Shrove Tuesday falls today on February 16th. Shrove Tuesday was the last opportunity to use up eggs and fats before embarking on the Lenten fast and pancakes are the perfect way of using up these ingredients. The pancake has a very long history and featured in cookery books as far back as 1439. The tradition of tossing or flipping them is almost as old: “And every man and maide doe take their turne, And tosse their Pancakes up for feare they burne.” (Pasquil’s Palin, 1619).

The ingredients for pancakes can be seen to symbolise four points of significance at this time of year:
Eggs ~ Creation
Flour ~ The staff of life
Salt ~ Wholesomeness
Milk ~ Purity

So. I hope you have enjoyed your pancakes today, Mrs H is doing ours for lunch and I can already taste them.

Registered deaths have risen today to 799 which is half of the numbers a couple of weeks ago. Meanwhile new cases were 10624 over 2000 down on the previous week.

Wednesday 17/02/2021 – Day 341

The recycling bin was due to be emptied this morning, our bin men have to don ear defenders due to the terrible noise Mrs H’s empties make as the bottles clatter into the back of the bin wagon!

Well, I hope you all survived your pancakes yesterday. Today is Ash Wednesday Are you wondering why a small dusty cross anoints the foreheads of Christians once a year? No?, well, I’m going to tell you anyway, so grab a cuppa, Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent, a 40-day period of penance for Christians around the world. It always falls on the Wednesday six and a half weeks before Easter, which Christians believe is the day Jesus was resurrected.

The origins of Lent trace to 325 CE, when it was more commonly used as a preparation phase for baptisms. The holiday’s length is a homage to Jesus Christ’s 40-day fast as he travelled through the wilderness after being baptized and before he began his ministry. This period is considered by Christians to be God’s test of Jesus’s spirituality and ability to withstand temptation. Mrs H and I have failed this test miserably on many occasions.

Today, Christians use the holiday both to repent and reflect. The ash cross marking observers’ foreheads is meant to represent mortality and penance for their sins. It is applied by a priest during a morning mass, often along with a small blessing: Sadly, not ‘well done young Eric’ but “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” Many choose to keep it on all day. The ash is made from the burned palm leaves used during the previous year’s Palm Sunday, which commemorates Jesus’s arrival to Jerusalem. It’s believed that residents welcomed him by waving palm fronds.

Ash Wednesday sets the tone for Lent, which is considered a time for self-improvement. I fear this is far too late for Mrs H and I, Originally, Christians observing Lent were allowed only one meal a day and were forbidden from eating meat or fish during the entire period. Well this is definitely too late as we’ve already had breakfast and lunch! This tradition was relaxed by Roman Catholics around World War II. While some still abide by a strict version of the fast on Fridays during Lent, many instead choose to give up indulgences like alcohol and social media. (In that case we are all worthy, especially after the last twelve months) Lent ends on Easter, (Thank Goodness) more than six weeks after Ash Wednesday. (Sundays are not counted in the 40-day observation period.)

There you are you disbelievers, another snippet from the useless info department.

Anyone remember when wallpaper came with perforated edges, I can remember my Mum bashing both sides off a roll of wallpaper. She used to hit it on the edge of the table. And it would miraculously drop off, the ends were there to protect the edges of the thin wallpaper, It was like a half inch edge that hadn’t been printed on. Once pasted and on the wall it looked great and the edges matched perfectly. The decorators on building sites where I worked, would use a bricklayer’s trowel, one chop and it was gone!

New cases were slightly up today at 12,718, while the death count was at 738.

Thursday 18/02/2021 – Day 342

Nothing much happening today so let’s have a trip down memory lane.

On this day in 1949 Opportunity Knocks was presented for the first time (on BBC radio) by its creator, Hughie Greene. It later transferred to Radio Luxembourg then went on to become a popular television programme, the original radio version started on the BBC Light Programme, where it ran from 18 February to 29 September 1949, but moved to Radio Luxembourg in the 1950s. It was shown on ITV from 20 June 1956 to 29 August 1956, produced by Associated Rediffusion.

The late Freddie Starr was one of the first to win, Su pollard who’s character later became chalet maid Peggy in Hi de Hi. Paul Daniels the magician also now sadly gone, a group called Los Caracas who later became the Pop group Middle of the Road, had hits with ‘Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep Cheep,’ and Where’s your Mama Gone’.

On the comedy side there was Royston Vasey later to become Roy (Chubby) Brown, in a cleaned up act, Little and Large, Frank Carson. Max Boyce and my all time favourite Les Dawson, I watch repeats of his show now and he still cracks me up.

On the entertainment side there were acts like Bonne Langford, Bobby Crush, Pam Ayres whose ‘ I wish I’d looked after me Teeth’ was a smash hit.Deborah Stephenson, Lena Zaveroni. Who could forget the muscle twitching Tony Holland, known as the Muscleman, he would come on and flex his muscles to music.

On the singing side there was Mary Hopkin who went on to have a No1 with ‘Those Were The Days’. Berni Flint who had a smash hit in 1977 with ‘I don’t Wann Put a Hold on You’. Millican and Nesbitt appeared in 1973 and had a top 20 hit with ‘Vaya Con Dias’.

Peters and Lee, remember he was blind, had a No1 in 1973 with ‘Welcome Home’ which funnily enough was No 1 on the day I got married to Mrs H the first time. Neil Reid a young lad had a No 1 with a song called ‘Mother of Mine’ Paper Lace who had a string of hits were also winners. Gerry Munroe appeared in 1969 and had a lot of hits with classics like ‘My Prayer, and ‘It’s a Sin to Tell a Lie’.

How many of you remember Barry and Paul Elliot? perhaps If I told you that they later became ‘The Chuckle Brothers’.

Several winners of Opportunity Knocks (notably Tammy Jones, Champagne, Tony Monopoly) later attempted to represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest, taking part in the ‘A Song for Europe’ competition. Lee Evans appeared in 1986 but was rejected and did not make it past the initial audition. Kaz Hawkins appeared in the 1980s’ revival as a child.

Twenty years after the start of Opportunity Knocks, on February 18^th 1969 Hundreds of people clamoured to see the marriage of pop stars Lulu and Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees in a Buckinghamshire church. They divorced in 1973, the same year Mrs H and I got married.

It’s a shame that their marriage didn’t last as long as Bill Cooper (83) and his wife Laurel (82), who had spent the previous 36 years sailing round the world and clocked up 100,000 nautical miles, they returned to the UK to retire, because their health was starting to fail. They had sold their home in Chatham, Kent, and set off from Lowestoft, Suffolk, in June 1976 on their 50ft. vessel Fare Well.

New case figures were once again over 10000 but only just at 12057, registered deaths were at 454.

Friday 19/02/2021 – Day 343

Mrs H and I were up very early this morning as we both had a telephone appointment with someone who was going to write our Last Will and Testament – no, this does not mean that you’ll see the end of me any day now – it is a precaution. We are taking advantage of an offer to have mirror Will written, I don’t know why we’re bothering, what’s mine is hers and what’s hers is her own!

We had a chap come round about 15 months ago with the same offer, he sat in our front room and drank copious amounts of our tea, He was there so long that I started to look around for his suitcase, the standard Will was no problem, but then he started to try and scare more money out of us, mentioning things like local authorities taking the house when sorry – if Mrs H should finally lose the plot, he was insisting that the house would be taken to pay for her keep, I could argue that she’d still be capable of washing up etc, but I doubt that it would hold much water with our council, they hate anything old and we have a rubbish town to prove it.

Anyway, I digress, this chap was in our house so long that even when we got our nightclothes on and put the cat out he didn’t budge, in the end I reluctantly wrote a cheque for the £1200 he was asking nay demanding, he then finally clicked his briefcase shut and left with a smug grin on his face, he hadn’t even unlocked his car door before I was on the phone to the bank to cancel the cheque.

So we thought we’d give it another go, on the initial phone call I explained all this to the chap setting up the phone call and he responded with ‘oh no, we don’t do that sort of thing Mr Harvey.’ So we waited for the phone call and we had everything ready, the first 15 minutes was a breeze, then he started his spiel, it was basically a repeat of what the previous chap had said, do they have a standard manual that the read from, are they all trained the same way and at the same place, do I have MUG stamped across my forehead, we had to let him go through the motions as he said he was obliged to tell us these things by law, but this chap did at least give us five minutes to make up our mind on whether or not we wanted to part company with £1400 of our hard earned money, when he came back on the phone a simple ‘no’ was enough to see him close the phone call by saying our ‘ bog standard’ Will would be with us soon,

Only problem is that dear Mrs H thinks that we’ve saved all that money and is now demanding all sorts of stuff, clothes, gardening stuff etc – Help!!

Today I received a second letter from the Health Secretary, I have so much correspondence from him that he is now on my Christmas card list, anyway the contents revealed that I now have to self-isolate until the end of March, he will write to me again (bless him) in the middle of March to let me know how things are shaping up, how very kind of him.

New registered deaths today were at 533, but new cases were holding steady at 12027.

Saturday 20/02/2021 – Day 344

Woke up to the realisation that in just two weeks time I will have been in lockdown for exactly one year, I have been out of the house twice, and one of those was for my jab, my dustbin has been out 26 times, how is that remotely fair dear reader?

Well, the day has finally arrived! At 11.00am this morning Mrs H is going along to have her first jab. I have heard of women who have refused their jab – because it reveals their age lol!. It is once again pizzitively possing down outside, and it looks as though it’s in for the day. I had a visit from some people yesterday to have my photograph taken, can’t say what for at the moment but watch this space.

I’ll be glad when the sun shines again and I can put my sunglasses on, I like sunglasses, you can look at people without them knowing, a bit like Facebook.

George’s neighbours phoned him up after the severe winds this week to tell him that his trampoline had blown into their garden, he told them he didn’t own a trampoline, it seems that a pair of Rose’s knickers had become unattached to the clothes line. Both are naturally reluctant to reclaim them.

I was wondering – in these days of lotteries (which in my humble opinion is the biggest con on God’s earth) does anyone still do the football pools? My dad used to sit there religiously marking his football coupon desperately trying to get the desired 8 score draws and win the £75000 jackpot (in the late fifties). In those days Littlewoods were the main people, but there was also Vernon’s, collectors would come round the houses giving out the coupons on a Monday and would collect them on a Thursday, they were also available on Public house bars. I must say that the odds on winning a substantial amount were a lot better than todays lottery, have you noticed how many times there is a ‘rollover’ since they increased the number of balls? If you think about it, there is absolutely no sense in doing the lottery for the first three or four weeks as the chances of winning it are very, very small, but on the fifth rollover the law says it has to be won, so if there is no outright winner then it is shared by the second in line, why don’t they just take those extra balls away again? Because they are making a lot of money that’s why.

I hate rainy days and being shut up in the house, not because I’m claustrophobic or anything like that, oh no, the explanation is a lot simpler than that, in short it is Mrs H. ‘Lets go online’ she says, ‘I could do with a couple of things from Dunelm’ she says, Over £100 later – I hate rainy days!

Today’s new case figures were once again really low in comparison to two weeks ago, they were at 10,406 today, a drop of 16,700 on last week and almost half of two weeks ago. The registered deaths were 445, sadly still far too many but again half of two weeks previous, and 1,360 less than last week’s total. The total number of weekly recoveries also continues to rise, today the figure was 2,331,001 a rise of 205,670 on last week. It looks as though the lockdown is beginning to bite at last, if we could only stop those selfish youngsters having mass raves – we could all get through this.

Well that’s it of another painstaking week, apologies that the week contains a lot of historical facts, I will try to do better next week. Until then…

It’s been emotional.