Diary of a self-isolator – week 44

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 10/01/2021 – Day 302

Had a really lazy lie-in this morning, it was 7,00am when I crawled out of bed, you nearly didn’t get your Sunday morning dose of my written rubbish, looked out through the window and it was a white out, this of course meant that I wouldn’t be getting anything done on the canopy that Mrs H is so desperately needing, oh dear, never mind eh.

It started last week with the son law getting coronavirus, now the daughter and Granddaughter also have it, the Grandson’s aren’t feeling too good either, I am very surprised really as the son in law never gives anything away normally.

Well Mrs H and I were looking out through the bedroom window at the crisp whiteness of the morning, I was on Facebook – answering my fan – and Mrs H went down to make a cup of char, when she came back up about ten minutes later the frost had disappeared! It was just as though someone had turned the heater on and it had melted within minutes.

On this day in 1840 Sir Rowland Hill introduced the Penny Post to Britain. Mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than being paid by the recipient. On its first day, 112,000 letters were posted in London alone. Now that may not sound very interesting to you, but Rowland Hill was born here in Kidderminster, he actually lived about a mile away, Rowland Hill was born in Blackwell street, Kidderminster on December 3^rd 1795 his father Thomas Wright Hill was a schoolmaster.

Rowland was a sickly child who had constant spinal problems and spent most of his infancy in a prone position, but as he grew, he got stronger, his aspirations also grew and thoughts turned to those of his future, he didn’t know what he was going to do at this time but even at an early age he knew that he wanted to leave the world better for him having been on it. A statue of the great man has been erected in the town, sadly, the previous councils did not think his house was worth saving and bulldozed it to erect a – wait for it – telephone exchange.

Also on this day in 2016 The death occurred, from liver cancer, of the English singer, songwriter David Bowie, aged 69. A very sad loss to the music industry and he left a legacy of self -penned hits for future generations.

Numbers have tumbled today but as you all know we have been here before, these are weekend figures which are always a lot lower, the number of new cases today was 54940, and the number of registered deaths was down to 563 thankfully.

Monday 11/01/2021 – Day 303

I was awake quite early this morning contemplating a fact that I saw on a very interesting documentary last night, did you know that Dolphins, some types of monkeys and humans are the only animals to have sex for pleasure? No neither did I, I wonder where we are going wrong.

Being of the older generation I am very fortunate to have someone call me every day to check up on me, he is from India and is very concerned that I may have had an accident!

The weather was like Summer outside, it was only eight degrees but compared to the last week it was warm, I couldn’t wait to get outside and continue with the canopy which will finally end up at 5 metres by 3 metres, enough to house a small family! By 1.00pm I had all the main supports up, and by 3.00pm it was getting a bit nippy, but half of the roof structure was up, I wanted to carry on but Mrs H insisted I go inside when I started to resemble a Smurf even though I had a tee shirt on with two jumpers and a coat.  I also had gloves on but my poor fingertips felt as dead as a doornail, which got me thinking, where did that saying come from, apparently it is a phrase which means not alive, unequivocally deceased. The term goes back to the 1300s, the phrase dead as a doornail is found in poems of the time. The term dead as a doornail was used in the 1500s by William Shakespeare, and in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol in 1843. It is thought that the phrase dead as a doornail comes from the manner of securing doornails that were hammered into a door by clenching them. Clenching is the practice of bending over the protruding end of the nail and hammering it into the wood. When a nail has been clenched, it has been dead nailed, and is not easily resurrected to use again. An alternative wording of the phrase dead as a doornail is deader than a doornail. It was also the dead nail used as a pin for the knocker, it was said to be hit so many times that it was ‘dead’.

On this day in 1984 French farmers hijacked British lorries in a dispute against meat imports. No offence, but for a nation who basically eat garden snails why were they bothered about a bit of good old British bully beef? It has been said of course that the French could cause an argument in an empty room, not my words I hasten to add.

Thought for the day – Are you in lockdown with two teenagers? Then get yourself a dog, it’s important that you have someone in the house that isn’t just happy to see you at mealtimes.

Once again, the figures were low today, there were 46169 new cases and 529 newly registered deaths, not looking forward to tomorrows figures though.

Tuesday 12/01/2021 – Day 304

Another mild day in store today so I was once again up early, I wanted to get on with the canopy so was soon donning the outdoor gear, umpteen jumpers and a coat. I was listening to the radio when the presenter was talking about game shows on the TV which got me thinking.

One of the best game shows on TV at the moment (in my humble opinion) is The Wheel, which stars Michael McIntyre, I never liked him when he first appeared on our screens but he is brilliant at ad lobbing, a very clever chap and very funny.

This got me thinking about old game shows, the oldest I can remember was Take Your Pick, this show actually started on Radio Luxemburg (remember the top twenty) in 1952, but with the start of Independent Television in 1955 it was converted for TV, Michael Miles was the host and contestants would have to pass the opening game, the host asked the contestant a series of questions in a 60-second span. The contestant could not say “yes” or “no”, nor could they nod or shake their heads. If they did, the co-host would bang the gong and the next contestant would be introduced. Those completing the minute successfully were awarded a £1 prize, a princely sum back then. For the second part contestants would be asked general-knowledge questions. If they answered three out of four questions correctly, they picked a key from a set of ten, corresponding to one of the first ten boxes. The host would then try to buy back the key with increasing amounts of cash, up to about £50. One box also included a key to box 13, which would trigger another round of bidding while the contestant had to choose between their first prize, cash, or box 13 which could have an expensive household item or a booby prize. The show ran from 1955 to 1968.

An updated version hosted by singer and TV presenter Des O’Connor became the second version, which aired from 1992 to 1999. His future wife, Australian born Jodie Wilson, was one of the hostesses; she would later be replaced by former Neighbours twins Gayle and Gillian Blakeney, also from Australia. When I was at secondary school, we had a sadistic geography teacher who also had a macabre sense of humour, if you misbehaved in his classroom, he would send you down to the lockers to ‘open box 13, inside was a large size thirteen slipper, you would take it back to him and he would dish it out accordingly.

Another favourite of that era was Hughie Greens Double Your Money, Hughie Green brought this show to TV from Radio Luxembourg in 1955, with the very first episode airing on Monday 26 September of that year. Contestants had to choose from 42 (originally 58) available subjects and went through preliminary rounds, beginning at £1, leading up to the £32 level, with each question worth twice as much as the preceding one. At that point a contestant would exit and return the following week to decide on entering the ‘Treasure Trail’, leading to the £1,000 jackpot prize. Contestants could quit at any time and leave with their winnings. In order to enable the contestants to concentrate completely, and to avoid any possible answers shouted from the studio audience, all questions from £32 on up were asked while contestants were sealed inside an isolation booth.

Of course, the Granddaddy of them all was Bruce Forsyth’s Beat the clock which featured on Sunday Night at the London Palladium. It was an American import and would feature after the Tiller Girls had done their spot. A young thirty-year old Bruce Forsyth took over from host Tommy Trinder in 1958, after years of music hall and treading the boards Bruce became an overnight star, he brought a whole lot of fun to beat the clock and some say that this was the forerunner of the ’Generation game’. Prizes and money could be won by couples who had been plucked out of the audience moments before. Games involved a mixture of skill, co-ordination, and luck, and were usually cobbled together by cheap props such as balloons, musical instruments, or magnetic letters. The featured couples would have to perform a trick or stunt, like changing clothes (previously put on, on top of their ordinary clothes) with each other within a set time. If I remember rightly If a couple managed to complete both stunts, the wife had to rearrange words stuck to a magnetic board and people had to “arrange them into a well- known phrase or saying” in 30 seconds. If she succeeded, the couple won a major prize. Whenever a bell rang, the couple who played at that time would play a jackpot stunt for a cash bonus worth £100 for each week since the last jackpot win. Well, that was a bit more long-winded than I had planned, but I hope you enjoyed the memories.

As I feared yesterday today’s figures were high, in all fairness, the number of new cases seems to be levelling off compared to recent totals, todays numbers were 45533 new cases and an astounding 1243 deaths registered in the uk.

Wednesday 13/01/2021. – Day 305

I went to bed last night and had to go back downstairs to take some pain killers owing to the simple fact that I had rather overdone it after spending six hours outside on Mrs H’s canopy. I had constructed half the timber frame, and something kept nagging me in the back of my mind (No, not Mrs H) to try the first roof sheet, trying to be clever and save some money I had ordered flat sheets two meters by three meters, of course I never thought about mauling the quite weighty sheet eight feet into the air, there was only one thing to do – I had to call in the cavalry. Sadly, due to the lockdown there were no cavalry available, so I had to rely on the only other person nearby. I could have built the rest of the canopy as I waited patiently for Mrs H to don a jumper, a coat, a scarf, gloves and a pair of outside boots, – does anyone recall that episode of The Good Life where Margo promised to help the Goods get their harvest in, she came out in bright yellow waterproofs and promptly slipped into the mud – well that was how Mrs H looked when she finally made an appearance on one of the warmest days of the year!

So we are wrestling with this huge sheet of polycarbonate we almost have it onto the roof when Mrs H lets out an almighty squeal, her back had spasmed, which made her let go of the sheet leaving me with the full weight, my bad shoulder started to give way as I finally managed to push the sheet onto the waiting timbers, but  my arms were killing me, Mrs H was in agony and together we were about as useful as chocolate fireguards! After a refreshing cup of tea, I manoeuvred the huge sheet into position and it was as I feared, the existing building that I was putting my canopy up to was out of square by at least nine inches! It took me the rest of the day to make the huge sheet fit, it was like putting a square peg in a round hole. But by the end of the day it fitted and was fixed, but boy, did my muscles suffer for the next few hours.

Anyway, got up this morning and it was raining so I was forced to take a bit of a rest, Mrs H had bought one of these towel racks which I had assembled yesterday so I thought I’d get a few brownie points and put it on the wall in the bathroom, this involved drilling the tiles so I went into the workshop to gather the stuff together, I got my drill, drill bits, rawplugs etc, it took ages to find my extension lead then I remembered I’d left it in the shed. So off I toddled upstairs to drill the walls, now this is where I had realised that I was losing the plot, I had spent 15 minutes looking for the extension lead when Mrs H pointed out that the drill I was using was a battery drill! Beam me up Scotty.

The number of new cases is beginning to rise once again, todays total is 47525, but once again, the number of deaths in the UK is frightening, they have risen again today to 1564, at least the number of jabs being administered is now over 2 million.

Thursday 14/01/2021 – Day 306

Had a bit of a lie in this morning, it was almost eight o clock when I got my backside out, I wish now that I hadn’t bothered! It was a horrible damp and cold day outside, I still had a lot of work left to do on the canopy, but first, there was the problem of a blocked sewer to deal with. The downstairs toilet was making that horrible gurgling sound when it was flushed, the water would disappear and then pop back up – a bit like my own personal tsunami.

After a hearty breakfast of four Weetabix and three cups of Dutch courage I ventured outside into the murky day, I lifted the cast iron lid off the manhole (why do they call them that? A bit sexist, don’t you think) I had a pleasant surprise – if you can call staring down a three-foot-deep sewer a pleasant surprise – the hole was quite clear. But, seeing as I had built myself up for the task I got my drain rods from the Repair shop, a word of warning here dear reader, when purchasing stuff it’s not always advisable to go for the cheaper variety, I bought these rods about three months ago and they are definitely not fit for purpose, in fact – turn away ladies please – they are about as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest! Reluctantly I screwed them together pushing them down the pipe as I did so, I got to the last rod and the pipe was still clear, this could only mean that the blockage must be on my neighbours side. Let me explain, the pipe runs from our toilet across the garden, then picks up the neighbours toilets goes on for a few metres and makes a sharp left to pick up his neighbours toilets in the next avenue. This would be totally taboo on a new housing estate today, you cannot expect the contents of a sewer to suddenly take a sharp turn left, it just isn’t designed to.

So I take myself around to the neighbours after pre-warning him, despite my warning him that I hadn’t had my jab (he has) and therefore I was vulnerable he was waiting for me as I arrived, the problem is that he’s a bit hard of hearing, so every time I said something he would lean in closer to hear, I would step away and he would follow. I lifted his manhole and sure enough it was blocked, which of course meant that the next-door neighbour to him must have been having a problem further down the line. I went round the corner to see him – followed very closely by my neighbour. His neighbour has only been in the house about 18 months and didn’t even know that he had a manhole in his garden, my neighbour and I couldn’t remember where it was either, so there we were – all three of us with long screwdrivers – prodding and probing the soft-muddy earth, I was quietly praying that no-one with a camera came past when ‘clunk’ I had found it. It had been covered by twelve inches of soil, probably by the last occupant, it had been raining lightly and I was feeling damp and cold, the neighbour suggested I go back home and he would keep me informed, the upshot was that I was gasping for a cup of tea so I left him to sort it out.

Neighbour number two came round a few hours later proudly announcing that his man had taken a look and that it wasn’t his problem, it was the problem of the local water authority whom he had rang, this of course meant that the problem was out in the lane, he said they would be around in the next 24 hours and could turn up any time up to 10.00pm tonight, I just get the feeling that we have more chance of finding the cat we lost twenty years ago!

The good news is that there’s only another three lockdowns to Christmas.

Once again there is a slight rise in the number of new cases, todays total is 48682, the number of deaths has thankfully dropped but is still over 1200 at 1248.

Friday 15/01/2021 – Day 307

After a truly hectic day yesterday I decided a little lie-in was in order, well actually, I didn’t, my body did, and I didn’t rise until 8.00am.

Yesterday I had a letter to tell me to self-isolate until 21st February and if anything should change they will let me know, also, if it goes beyond that date they will inform me. But the biggest surprise of all was that even if I have my first jab I must act as though I haven’t had one at all, the same applies if I have had my second jab, Mrs H must also do the same. Doesn’t exactly instil me with confidence I can tell you.

The water authority eventually turned up today and the nice neighbour from two doors away went out of his way to keep us informed, he didn’t have to really as we heard the rush of the pipes emptying, but the chap is very thoughtful.

George rang a few minutes ago and informed me that if I hadn’t lost at least a stone, or got a serious drink problem, or got hair down to my backside then according to his girlfriend Rose, I am not taking this lockdown seriously enough. Apparently. he had been to the doctor for a bit of a health check-up, while he was there, they were making small talk, George asked him how he decided whether an old person was suitable for an old people’s home, “well, we fill up a bathtub with water and give the person a teaspoon, a ladle and a bucket, then we ask them to empty the bath.” George jumping the gun replied, “Oh I see, a normal person would obviously use the bucket as it was the biggest.” The doctor looked at him, “No, a normal person would pull the plug out, would you like a bed near the window?”

I have had a good day working on the massive canopy for the lovely Mrs H. Even though it was freezing cold I managed to get all those frustrating little things done, it is now looking very solid and I only have one sheet left to fix on, plus the fascia board, plus the noggins plus the support brackets, plus the ….yawn! I have ordered so many things for this canopy that the Amazon delivery man is now in our bubble!

Had our Tesco delivery today, I ordered some Yorkshire tea as I’m sick to death of Tesco’s ordinary communal garden tea bag dregs, they just taste so bland! Anyway, Mrs H has just brought me a cup in while I was watching the latest ego boost from Boris and his scientific co- conspirators. I saw her in the corner of my eye, she kept looking across at me.

“Your tea will get cold”.

I picked it up and took a sip

“Well?”

I couldn’t resist it, “Thees done very well lass, that’s a reet good cup of char, aye, it really hits the cockles of me heart.”

I swear, if looks could kill.

The number of new cases is once again back to last weeks levels, there were 55757 new cases today, new registered deaths were once again at 1280.

Saturday 16/01/2021 – Day 308

Yet another lie in this morning, I suppose it doesn’t help that Mrs H and myself were awake till 1.00 am watching TV, Mrs H, bless her, is still mourning the end of a series we were watching, we watched the end of ‘Heartland’ a few weeks ago and she cannot be consoled, there is a new series coming on Netflix in April so we are told. However, since then we have watched ‘Chesapeake Shores which was very good., when that we ended I heard the familiar words “What are we going to watch now?”, I have to tell you at this point that Mrs H doesn’t fancy anything that we scroll past, but I have to say that she has got ‘hooked’ on ‘The Good Witch’ and the series we have just started watching called ‘A Place to call Home’.  Hence the late nights binge watching.

I’ve heard a new sensory supermarket is opening in our town, it has an automatic mister that is used to keep the produce fresh, just as you approach you hear distant thunder and get the smell of fresh rain. As you get near to the milk aisle you can hear the cows mooing and get the smell of fresh hay. Then, as you approach the egg trays you can hear the cackle of hens and smell bacon and eggs cooking. As you enter the vegetable section you can smell the hot buttered corn on the cob, however, I’ve been advised by George and Rose not to go down the toilet roll aisle!

Been outside all day, it was so mild that I had to take my coat off!, The canopy is now up, not quite finished but up, there is fascia board to fix and some extra strengthening timbers, look out for the pictures next week.

We end the week with 41346 new cases for today, I know the figures seem very bad but the total for my last seven days is 339952, that is 77,000 less than last week. Sadly the same cannot be said for the number of registered deaths, for the fifth day in a row they are over 1200, today the total is 1295, the total for my last seven days is 7,722, that is a massive 1570 higher than last week and we are being told by the experts that we haven’t yet peaked.

Well dear reader, that is it for another week, let’s hope the figures improve next week, meanwhile please stay safe and have a good week.

I’ll leave you with a picture of the refurbished cabinet which is now a Cocktail cabinet.

Before

After

Upcycled cocktail cabinet!

It’s been emotional.