Diary of a self-isolator – week 19

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday  19/07/2020 – Day 126

It’s a glorious Summer day here in the Midlands and I was once again awoken to the constant coo-ing of the local pigeon population.

I am devastated to realise that I didn’t mention Captain Sir Tom Moore receiving his Knighthood from the Queen last Friday on the 17th, I was so involved in Mrs H’s birthday, so I shall put the blame squarely on her lol, Apologies to Sir Tom Moore.

I also didn’t mention the brilliant surprise that my youngest Grandson Hatton got for his nan, Mrs H as you all know, follows Mrs Hinch, Lindsey queen of clean and Becky Home sweet Home all on Instagram, so Hatton sent them all a message asking them if they would say happy birthday to his nan, only one of them bothered to reply as most of these celebrities just don’t have the time, but fortunately it was his nan’s favourite,Becky. And true to her word she announced live on her blog:

‘I have been asked by Hatton to wish his nan Lynn a very happy birthday for today, so Happy Birthday Lynn and have a wonderful day’

Hatton’s mum Gemma phoned Mrs H and said that Becky was really having a rant on her blog and her mum should take a look, Mrs H listened to her going on about shopping etc – then she was just about to turn it off when Becky made the announcement. The look on Mrs H’s face was a picture, I really thought she was going to burst into tears, I could have spent ten thousand on her and not got that reaction, Hatton had achieved it with one message bless him.

Apparently on this day in 1553Lady Jane Grey was replaced by Mary I as Queen of England after having the title for just nine days. You’d have thought they would have been more wary after he started nicknaming them ‘Eddy’ or ‘Divvy’ wouldn’t you.

Well I know it is Sunday, but it was on with the old work clothes to get down the garden and do my impression of Alan Ladd in Shane, yes you’ve guessed it, I was going to have a  go at the roots around the two foot stump that the tree fellers left last week, there is an area six feet out all around the stump that has been in ‘no mans land’ for the past five years since that damn tree took over our daylight, suffice to say that after removing just 2 five inch thick roots, I decided I should save some for another day, nothing to do with the fact that my back and knees were killing me of course.

So, Mrs H and myself sat and relaxed with a beer, She in the sun and myself in the shade for the simple reason that I’m still coating my ugly mug in After Sun following last Fridays nap in direct sunlight.

I must admit that at about 8.45 we were getting a bit worried about our grocery order from Tesco’s, but I suspect we may have left it too late for an earlier order, at about 9.00pm the bell rang and it had arrived, phew!

There were 27 deaths in the UK today, with 726 newly registered cases bringing the total of new cases to 294792.

Monday 20/07/2020 – Day 127

The sun is streaming through the windows and it’s lovely out there, to borrow a few words from the great Buddy Holly, ‘The sun is out, the sky is blue, there’s not a cloud to spoil the view’. Today is a very special day in the Harvey household, although tomorrow is our official anniversary today is the anniversary of our second wedding day, allow me to expand on this.

To tell the true story we have to go back to January 2013, this is when my three daughters and myself began to hatch a plan, July that year would be our 40^th anniversary, Mrs H had always said to me for years that the only thing she ever regretted about our marriage was the fact that it didn’t happen in a church and she never got to walk down the aisle, we had married in a registry office in 1973.

So, unbeknowns to the lovely Mrs H we started to draw up plans to re-new our vows on our 40^th anniversary which fell on Saturday the 20^th July, first thing was the dress, the girls got their heads together and sent me some pictures on my phone, there was a fifties style that I just knew Mrs H would adore, so we ordered it and it arrived 6 weeks later. Next step was to book the church. Our local Parish church was St Mary’s, I had been associated with it all my life through school, numerous family funerals and we had the children christened there. It would have also been the place of our original wedding in 1973 but on a date in June (long story) so it was ideal, someone must have been looking down on us because the date was free, which in itself was a small miracle.

Next was the venue, the girls had a bit of trouble with this, we hadn’t got thousands to splash out, but they came up with a local venue that was well within our budget and ideal for us. Finally, it was the invitations, how do you send invitations out to a 150+ guests and still keep it quiet, virtually impossible, but we did it, Mrs H hadn’t got a clue, in fact I found out later that she thought I was having an affair, because I was getting all these phone calls and walking out of the room saying it was someone from the club or work, then messages were being constantly deleted on my laptop, so really I can see how she must have thought there was something going on.

Fast forward to Wednesday July 17^th  2013, it was Mrs H’s birthday and just 66 hours before we tied the knot for the second time, of course the lovely Mrs H was still unaware of this and still very suspicious of my earlier actions, we had booked a table at the local hostelry on the evening, But Mrs H couldn’t understand why almost everyone in the family was joining us. We had a lovely meal and headed outside as it was a lovely warm evening, Video’s and cameras at the ready – I handed her the birthday card which had her wedding invitation taped to the back, I passed the card to her with everyone looking on, she opened it, smiled as she looked through it then turned it over, turned it upside down and  shook it, declaring that there was nothing in it, I told her to look on the back.

We have a video on my page showing her reaction, she read it slowly with unbelievable eyes and then got to the date, the look on her face was priceless!

“This Saturday” she yelled, “That’s only two days away, I haven’t got a dress or anything, what about food?” the questions kept coming until we managed to get a word in and tell her it was all arranged, her dress had been bought and everything was ready.

The following evening was her dress fitting, we have it on video, she had been blindfolded as they fitted it, when they took off the blindfold everyone waited with bated breath as her eyes adjusted to the light, then a sigh of relief, she absolutely loved it! She just wasn’t sure about the very thin straps that held everything up – if you know what I mean – but the brilliant dressmakers soon attached a couple of more suitable straps.

So Saturday arrived and so did Mrs H, she looked absolutely stunning, we had organised an open top car to take her to the church, there was one last surprise, Mrs H loved to hear the church bells ringing out at a wedding, well the good old Vicar had made a mistake with the time so the bell ringers gave us a double session, and that dear readers is how the whole of the wedding went – as smooth as the icing on the wedding cake! The cherry on top of that icing was that I had re-married the girl I had loved dearly all my life and will love to my final breath.

We had a fantastic day which was bolstered by the fact that Vickie had been told she was in remission, sadly, it wasn’t to last, but we have some beautiful memories of a beautiful daughter and a beautiful day when we were all together as a family.

Well, I hope I haven’t bored you all too much with the story of our second nuptials.

Twelve deaths recorded in the UK today with 580 new cases.

Tuesday 21/07/2020 – Day 128

Woke up this morning to a newsflash on the bedside radio  the woman announced:

“A Tanker has just lost its load of glue, on the motorway… so be careful, apparently everyone is sticking to the inside lane.”

Well it’s the start of another glorious day, It is also a double whammy day, Our Granddaughter Mollie is 18 years old today, and it is also exactly 47 years since I married the lovely Mrs H in a quiet registry office in town at 10.00am in the morning. I was 21 and she was 18, I got there nice and early (just to be sure) and the registrar ushered me into another room,

“Have you got it?” he asked

“Got what?”

“The £3 50p fee” he replied

In my rush to marry the girl I loved I had completely forgotten about the money, I had to borrow it off my best man (my brother) and come to think of it – I never ever paid him back! So, he has paid for my 47 years of married bliss lol.

We had a fantastic day and the new Mrs H looked stunning (pictures below), we had bought a house but it needed a lot of work, the lighting inside was gas and there was an old black lead grate in the back room, oh how I wish I’d got the knowledge that I have now, So we were staying with Lynn’s Grandparents in the same house we now own and live in.

We had our honeymoon in – wait for it – Butlins Barry Island, the same place where the comedy series Gavin and Stacy was set, It was already booked the year before and my whole family was there, we shared (yes it’s our honeymoon and we shared) a chalet with a couple from the pub who had also gone with the family, Mrs H wasn’t best pleased but we survived.

Anyway with this pandemic flying around we had a very quiet day, Mollie and her Mum came around for a couple of hours bearing gifts and cup cakes, then the weather changed and it went quite cool.

It’s all a matter of the company you keep on your anniversary and we had a brilliant day. We ordered an Indian takeaway for our anniversary tea, which was washed down with wine, we would normally have gone away – but under the circumstances we thought better of it.

A sharp increase to 110 deaths in the UK today bringing the total to date of 45422 and 445 new cases reported.

Wednesday 22/07/2020 – Day 129

After all the excitement of the last week it’s almost good to get back to normal, just one more emotional day to get through on Monday and we will all be able to relax a little.

You all know me well enough by now to know that if there’s one thing I hate it’s wasting money, well after all that cake and sweet stuff over the past week I had to phone a dentist today, to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
“£95 for an extraction, sir,” the dentist replied.
“£95! “ I said, a bit shocked, “Haven’t you got anything cheaper?”
“That’s my normal charge,” said the dentist.
“What about if you didn’t use any anaesthetic?”
“That’s unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock £15 off.”
“What about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?”
“I can’t guarantee their professionalism and it’ll be painful. But the price could drop by £20.”
“How about if you make it a training session, You could have your student do the
extraction with the other students watching and learning”
“It’ll be good for the students,” mulled the dentist. “I can charge you £5… but it will be rather traumatic.”
“Ah, now you’re talking! It’s a deal, Can you confirm an appointment for Mrs H for next Tuesday please?”

Got the Grandson coming around today, he’s 17 and needs to earn a few bob for an upcoming camping holiday with three friends which will probably end up something reminiscent of an episode of the ‘Inbetweeners’. So, he needs money and I need some slave labour help, to clear the back of the corner summerhouse for maintenance purposes. All is well with the world.

The last time I went camping I was still in the local Boys Brigade, I have to say that their camping skills weren’t the best, they set up camp – which consisted of a massive Marquee and several smaller sleeping tents – on the top of a hill with magnificent views over the sea – on the second night we had the storm from hell, most of the smaller tents were washed to the base of the hill along with the preparation table, the loo and several young boys still in their sleeping bags, suffice to say I am not a big fan of camping.

There were 79 new deaths reported today with 560 new cases.

Thursday 23/07/2020 – Day 130

Another wishy washy day today, nothing but grey skies all around us. We were supposed to be having two tonne of Forest of Dean gravel delivered today, it was to top up the existing stuff which has been ground to a pulp by the delectable Mrs H constantly doing three point turns on it, anyway, it’s not going to happen, I had a phone call saying that the tipper lorry was out of order (feeling poorly?) and would not be available until the following Wednesday, I reluctantly agreed, 15 weeks they have been in lockdown and the first week  back the lorry breaks down – bummer!

I was outside cleaning out Jawsland (the pond), with the song ‘Gone Fishin’ by Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong going through my head as Jaws nudged my hand  when Mrs H called me in by waving frantically at the back doors. Remember les Dawson when he was mimicking the Northern women, he would just mouth the words without actually saying them, well Mrs H was holding her hand over the phone mouthing ‘It’s for you it’s George, he’s on the phone!’ I took it from her wondering why she didn’t actually say the words-

No good morning or hello, He just said, ” Just a heads up, Last night the new girlfriend and I went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would highly recommend it to you.”
“Oh right, What was it called?” I asked
George thought for a while and then said, “What’s the name of that flower that you give to someone you love? You know, the red one with thorns?”
“Do you mean a Rose?” I said.
“That’s it.” he said. Then he turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what was the name of that restaurant that we went to last night?”

I was having a Harry Potter deciding whether or not I should paint the roof of the small Summer house as it was looking a bit like myself – decidedly peaky – when Mother nature kindly intervened, within minutes it was pizzitively possing down, so it was an early bath (if you’ll excuse the pun) and inside to do a bit of scribbling writing to keep my fan entertained through those cold wintry nights, What’s that? Oh yes, they’re already here.

Before I started I remembered I had to phone the chemist for my repeat prescription, this was the result;

Top of Form

“Thank you for calling.
Your call is important to us.
Please hold while we connect you to a queuing system.
We shall answer your call as soon as an operator becomes available.
You are currently in 237th place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 hours.”Bottom of Form

Well, to be honest it wasn’t quite that bad, but it may as well have been, I decided to try again in the morning.

There was an increase of 200 new cases today to 769, with a further 53 deaths.

Friday 24/07/2020 – Day 131

Weather didn’t look too bad today as I swung these old legs out of bed, – ok, slight exaggeration – as I got out of bed and donned my Guinness slippers. First job was to phone the chemist before it got really busy.

When I eventually got through she asked me if I wanted delivery or pick up, having been in self-isolation since time immemorial I naturally opted for the delivery option, ‘Ok’ she replied, ‘So, it’ll be with you either Thursday or Friday next week’.

Now me – being a humble male, therefore incapable of understanding the complexities of life – cannot understand for one minute why I can walk into a chemist under normal circumstances, give my prescription to a nice young lady and wait a maximum of ten minutes to pick it up, if I phone and arrange pick up it will be ready in two days, but if I want it delivered then the whole system goes to pot and I have to wait a whole week, to make a bad situation worse – I don’t even know what day it will be delivered, I basically have a 48 hour slot!

In the words of that lovely chap Terry Wogan ‘Is it me?’.

Talking about health, today, marks five months without drinking a drop of alcohol, or any kind of wine!
And six months of eating seven fruit and veg a day, drinking ten glasses of water, no carbs, and no red meat.
Lots of 8-hour sleeps.
The change in my body has been fantastic! I feel great, I lost weight, and my way of thinking is very positive!
I’m looking to keep this up, and go for more, because I choose to!
No alcohol, eating healthily, lots of sleep and above all, an hour of exercise every day!
I have no idea whose status this is, but I was so happy for them, I decided to copy and paste it and share it with you – my loyal reader!

A sharp increase in the death total once again, it rose to 123, new cases dropped by one to 768.

Saturday 25/07/2020 – Day 132

In the late sixties I worked for a local carpet manufacturer as a creeler, for those of you unfamiliar with carpets, a creeler is basically an apprentice weaver, his job is to work his fingers to the bone on the back of the loom, while the weaver calls him around to the front every hour while he slips off to the toilets for yet another Woodbine ( a cigarette to all those youngsters out there), a creeler within five years would magically turn into the same chap I am now complaining about. Anyway, the upshot was that the dear weaver, not wishing to soil his pristine  hands, would get the creeler to come in on a Saturday morning and ‘clean’ the loom.

Cleaning the loom was a matter of removing all the flights from beneath it, these would have accumulated over the week and could be as deep as twelve inches or thirty millimetres, to do it you used an air blower but to be successful you had to crawl beneath the loom into the dark depths of despair, sucking in flights, kneeling in oil etc.

For doing this momentous task the weaver would offer you the princely sum of ten shillings or a ten bob note as it was affectionately known back then, actually, if there were another couple of looms to be done as well it was quite a lucrative mornings work.

I was in the carpets for three or four years on and off, but at the wise old age of 20 years I decided to get out for good when I walked into the toilets – which were a long line of basins and cubicles – and heard the following conversation.

Ray.     It won’t be long before Harry retires, then I’ll be creeling on that nine foot loom and you can have my 6 foot loom.

Phil       Old Ken is on his last legs, he’ll be off soon, then I can have his 12 foot loom , the next year I’ll be weaving.

Ray      Yes, and I’ll be your creeler, can’t wait.

Well I sat there sucking on my cheap Park Drive tipped cigarette and thought, ‘Is this all I’ve got to look forward to for the rest of my life’. I handed my notice in at the end of the week and within a few days I was working in the fresh air on the building sites. This is a poem I wrote about 7 years ago;

The Creeler

Crawling out from under the loom
out of the dark, the oil and the gloom
Covered in flights from head to toe
carrying the blower to make them go.
Ten bob earned on a Saturday morn
cleaning the looms from the crack of dawn
That’s how the creeler tops up his pay
so the weaver can stay at home for the day.

To come in on Monday to a loom nice and clean
just pull out the handle to start the machine,
Within minutes the weavers off for a shirk
while the poor creeler stays and does all his work.
Bobbins run down while the weavers away
and the creeler’s run ragged keeping holes at bay,
The weaver returns daily sketch in his fist
swats at the creeler for the ends that he’s missed.

So the creeler storms off for a fag and ablutions
muttering to himself making new resolutions,
That when he‘s a weaver on a twelve foot loom
he won’t treat his creeler like he’s in a classroom.
But what is he thinking, a creeler must learn
to have respect for the weaver so the weaver can earn,
So the weaver sits back, while the creeler sweats blood
and that’s why I got out of the carpets for good’

Thankfully the death toll dropped today to 61, the new cases dropped by just one again to 767, there has been a very big spike in Spain and holidaymakers returning here must now self-isolate for 14 days, will this government ever learn?

Well that’s all I have time for this week, I shall stop typing before you all fall asleep, I am going to leave you with a few photos of the past week.

You all stay safe and – God willing – I’ll return next week.

It’s been emotional!