All mixed up, where to start
Watch this postHello everyone. I'm new here and have joined because I'm totally lost, and I'm thinking someone else feels like this maybe? I'm thinking about retirement (I'm 63). I had a wonderful life, travelling the world, until I got married. I unwittingly married into a family with serious mental health problems. After 30 plus years, the main source of a life of pure stress, is fading. I'm stuck working at home with my husband, who has mental health problems. I'd love to get out but I'm just so tired at the end of the day. He is a good, kind man, but very challenging. I long ago forgot who I am, what I want etc. How do you a) find a life again and b) drag yourself out to something when you really don't feel like it? I've looked at al the clubs etc around here, and have tried a few but would love to have a bit of fun or a laugh now and then.
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Sharing your problems and thoughts even on sites like this can clear your vision and clear a path for you to follow, hope all works out for you, as you say Small steps.
Life is hard with someone who can't really process the real world, conversation or interaction, due to paranoia. His mother has very serious Control Disorder (derived from foetal alcohol syndrome). It means she is obsessive, domineering, intrusive, abusive, controlling and aggressive . Almost every encounter with her leads to her having a full on screaming session at someone. I've not got this under control by severely limiting exposure to her over the years. I have enforced contact rules and eventually ensured my husband follows the rules. Things have finally become manageable with her.
All of the foregoing has brought me to here. I'm looking for the way forward, and thinking of little steps. Our first teenager is at Uni, the 2nd will go next year, so I now have more time to think about tings. The worst is, the thing I miss the most is romance etc. My moral code prevents me from seeking a relationship outside of my marriage, even though that is probably the only thing I really want! My previous life was packed with romantic adventures and travel.
The first thing i thought off when i started to read your message was how brave of you to have carried on with your marriage when many others would have given up years ago, so i applaud you for sticking with your husband even in trying circumstances.
The first thing you need to do is learn to love yourself, this is not a selfish act but you need to think of yourself because you have a right to a life as much as anyone else.
There are charities like "Mind " who can give you information on people who suffer from mental health problems, these should be your first port of call or you GP, you need as much support as you can get so you can start to rebuild your life. You are not alone and many people are in situations like your own so reach out and seek help where ever you can.
All the best
Malcolm