Diary of a self-isolator – week 35

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 08/11/2020 – Day 239

Had a lie in this morning, finally fell asleep at 2.00am and didn’t wake up until 5.45am, with the end of my steroids tomorrow am I going to come down to earth with a bump and like Rip Van Winkle fall asleep for twenty years, I could, of course, become sleeping beauty but Mrs H doubts this very much!

I lay there for a few minutes looking at my reflection in the wardrobe mirror, the unkempt hair, the unshaven face and I’m thinking to myself the more I stay at home the more homeless I look. It was at this stage I decided to haul my sorry backside out of bed.

On this day in 1605 Robert Catesby, the ringleader of the Gunpowder Plotters, was killed by gunshot, along with other conspirators at Holbeche House, on the border of Staffordshire. He was buried close by, but the bodies of Catesby and fellow conspirator Percy were exhumed and decapitated and Catesby’s head was placed on the side of the Parliament House. You have to wonder if this was where Burke and Hare got their ideas from.

Also 1656 The birth of Edmond Halley, English astronomer and mathematician best known for the comet named after him and for his work predicting its orbit. He also produced the first meteorological chart. It was just a pity that weather forecaster Michael fish didn’t bother to study them better, after his disastrous forecast of 15^th October 1987, his words  of ….

“Earlier on today apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she’d heard there was a hurricane on the way,” he confidently told viewers.

“Well, if you’re watching, don’t worry, there isn’t.”

…are now as famous as Kenneth Wolstenholme’s famous 1966 World Cup commentary quotation, “they think it’s all over…it is now!”

And finally, on this day 1920 Rupert Bear made his first appearance in the Daily Express. Rupert Bear Annuals have been produced since 1936 and are still in production today. The Rupert Annual is still one of the top three Annual titles sold worldwide. My Dad always bought the newspaper and I couldn’t wait to see what Rupert,  Bill Badger, some of the most enduring pals are an elephant (Edward Trunk), a mouse (Willie), Pong-Ping the Pekingese, Algy Pug (who actually pre-dates Rupert), Podgy Pig, Bingo the Brainy Pup, Freddie and Ferdy Fox, the identical twins Reggie and Rex Rabbit, and Ming the dragon had been up to.

We must not of course lose sight of what today is really about, at 11.00am this morning the nation stood still for all those who had made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. Sadly there was no-one around my area that I could see, perhaps they will make an appearance on Wednesday 11^th at 11.00am.

Figures for the last 24 hours were a little better today, but we are in weekend mode, the number of new cases was 20572 whilst the number of deaths dropped significantly to 156.

Monday 09/11/2020 – Day 240

A very foggy evening last night, I was a bit disappointed that some of the morons that live in and around Kidderminster couldn’t cease from letting their stupid fireworks off even on Remembrance Sunday, they were going on all night around here, some people have just no respect whatsoever, but I’m afraid this is the selfish society we have created, I personally would have happily rounded up these morons and made them cut War Graves grass for the next 12 months – but with scissors – that way they would be on their knees to the people who gave them their freedom, apologies for the rant but they are so callous! Rant over, resume reading.

Well what can I say except THE BITCH IS BACK! Yes, I have woken up this morning (after 4 hours sleep) and feel as fit as a Butcher’s dog. I had my last dose of steroids and my 4 Weetabix, I was then raring to go.

I took Mrs H’s latte up to her and she asked as I beamed down at her

“Ok, who are you and what have you done with the grumpy old git I’ve been living with for five days?”.

I was so full of vitality I decided to let that one go over my head.

By 10am I was back to the place I know and love well, working, It had been almost a week since the work had stopped on the boudoir (bedroom) and I was eager to see the back of it, so far if you recall, all I had managed to do was put together the bedside cabinets and the chest of drawers, we also purchased a new mattress, I did manage to do a little painting.

Anyway, let me get you up to speed, the idea is to re-paint the cream paintwork in white, this will include wardrobe doors and part walls, that will leave the very expensive gold wallpaper on two walls with the mirror wardrobes opposite.

Mrs H has bought new crushed velvet Champagne curtains to match the material on the sled bed we bought last year.

So, I ran the roller over the walls a few times, painted all the woodwork – twice – and then a third time for luck. By 6.00pm it was all done and nicely dried, Mrs H was having a power nap downstairs, so, being the nice chap that I am I decided to hang the new curtains for her to save her little arms.

By the time she had come out of her coma sorry, sleep, it was all done, I took her into the bedroom and she looked – and looked – and looked, then she dropped the bombshell.

To be continued when I have cooled down!

Really good news out today is that they may have a vaccine ready for Christmas, a vaccine being trialled now is 90% positive to stop the virus taking over your body.

Boris was live from Downing street at 5.00pm and rightly urged caution, he wasn’t trying to put anything or anyone on a downer, but he said we must cautiously carry on as we are until this vaccine is proven to be 100% safe, and I think he’s right. He had this to say:

“The Pfizer/BioNTech Vaccine has been tested on over 40,000 volunteers and interim results suggest it is proving 90 per cent effective at protecting people against the virus.

But we haven’t yet seen the full safety data,

and these findings also need to be peer-reviewed.

So we have cleared one significant hurdle but there are several more to go before we know the vaccine can be used.”

The government have ordered 40 million vaccines, but, as this is a two-dose vaccine it will only treat about one third of the UK’s population. I think that in these dark days any glimmer of hope is welcome.

A slight rise in both new cases and recorded deaths today, new cases were 21350 while recorded deaths numbered 194.

Tuesday 10/11/2020 – Day 241

Had a very unsettled night  as I was having dreams, nay nightmares about the gold wallpaper in our bedroom growing a mouth and biting me everytime I put a scraper under it, This was of course due to the fact that we had been watching Heartland, on Netflix, a Vet had gone to syringe a horse and it bit him, and that dear reader is all it takes to set this old imagination into nightmare mode.

As my eyes slowly opened at 5.30 after another 3 hours sleep I could see that the wallpaper was still on the wall. I went downstairs for my cup of tea and my 4 Weetabix not relishing what Mrs H had in store for me in the bedroom today, (stop that! I mean decorating).

So, to recap, Mrs H walked into the bedroom yesterday and dropped a bombshell. She no longer liked the very expensive gold wallpaper that had only been on the walls for just over two years!. It just didn’t go with her crushed velvet Champagne curtains or the big crushed velvet sled bed with the Olympic sized new mattress.

But now Mrs H wanted everything white.

No problem you might think, but there was, the problem being 1. Do I strip all the gold wallpaper off, which would mean repapering with lining paper before painting, or 2. Do I just paint over the existing gold wallpaper with a white emulsion.

Before I could decide, Mrs h blurted out “we’ll just paint it as it is”.

This was the darling lady using the royal ‘We’, whereby I get to do all the work while she makes umpteen cups of tea and confers with Mrs H  and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all..

In a temporary moment of insanity I actually toyed with the idea of trying to strip the wallpaper off in full sheets and selling it on e bay – but it passed.

It is well known that I am no stranger to the old decorating, so I knew straight away that to cover this depth of gold It was going to take a minimum of 3 coats and possibly even a fourth.

But that still wasn’t the problem, our real problem was getting it to dry, I gave it a first coat and two hours later it was still wettish, even though I had sweated bucket loads because Mrs H was cold and had turned the heating up! It eventually dried enough for a second coat, but by 3,30 it was still tacky and still patchy, I gave up for the day and will try again tomorrow.

As expected, the weekend figures are now in and they don’t make good reading, there were 20412 new cases reported, but the number of deaths jumped up to a frightening 532.

Wednesday 11/11/2020 – Day 242

I was lay in bed this morning thinking that if the Government banned shredded cheese – would this make Britain grate again?

Well, there is absolutely no need to explain what todays blog will be about, today at 11.00am we honour the men, women, and civilians who sacrificed their lives to give us our freedom. Today is also the onehundredth anniversary af the entombment of the Unknown warrior in Westminster Abbey. This is a poem I wrote about the Unknown Warrior.

From the war torn battlefields,
Where the poppies abundant grew,
This bloody soil, a body yields,
What of his name? There’s none that knew.

A Father’s lad, a Mother’s son,
A picture on a mantlepiece
A Brother who is known to none,
Carried back home, to be at peace.

For him no more, the cannon rings,
The sound of guns, the sound of war,
For he shall lie among the kings,
Where guns are silent evermore.

That he should lie alone in peace,
Known just to God, and God alone,
Ne’er more to carry his valise,
Ne’er more an army’s stepping stone.

To be entombed in this great church,
Beneath our Lords own imagery,
Will mean no mother has to search,
For laying here, her son could be.

The soldier from his mother’s womb,
Where once he fought for freedom too,
Was placed into the empty tomb,
Back to darkness, to start anew.

The Lord did open Heaven’s door,
Thus from his duties he’ll dismiss,
This warrior who gave life and more,
Greater love, hath no man than this.

But Mother’s o’er the world will cry,
For wars and killing still increase,
The bodies neath the poppies lie,
Whilst Unknown soldier rests in peace.

Out of respect for the fallen I will leave it there for today except for the figures.

Once again there is a rise in the number of new cases, up by 2500 to 22950, worse still is the recorded number of deaths in the past 24 hours, these are also up to 595.

Thursday 12/11/2020 – Day 243

I was lay in bed this morning remembering those wise old words my dad imposed on me during mine and Mrs H’s engagement party:

“Remember son, a man is incomplete until he’s married – then he’s finished”,

I looked over at Mrs H gently sleeping and thought it best to go and make a cuppa.

The bedroom had actually dried out beautifully when closely inspected ( ie, with eyes wide open) the third coat had done the trick, so all was good, just a matter of the delectable Mrs H adding all the extras. Lampshades, bedcovers, pillow cases, framed sayings and my wallet, the wallet is now in a black frame and in mourning after taking a right pasting from she who must be obeyed.

On this day in 1847 The first public demonstration of the use of chloroform as an anaesthetic was given by James Simpson, at Edinburgh University after he accidentally sniffed it and knocked himself out.

1933 The first photograph of the ‘Loch Ness monster’ was taken by Mr Hugh Gray. He managed to take five pictures altogether but after processing, four of them were blank and the fifth was not confirmed as being Nessie but a close up of his ogrish neighbour with the hump.

1974 A salmon was caught in the Thames, the first since around 1840. It was an 8lb 4 1/2oz female and she was discovered entangled in the protective nets around West Thurrock power station It was regarded by Thames Water authority as a vindication of the £100m of public money they had spent on effluent control. The only problem was that no-one had a tin opener.

1984 It was announced, by Chancellor Nigel Lawson, that the pound note, after being in circulation for more than 150 years, would be phased out and replaced with the pound coin. He should have stuck to cooking – oops sorry, that was his daughter Nigella.

1997 Great train robber Ronnie Biggs, was celebrating after Brazil’s Supreme Court rejected a British request to extradite him, for the 2nd time. The court in Rio de Janeiro ruled that because Biggs’ crime was committed more than 20 years previously, he could not be extradited.

Did anyone watch the Repair shop last night? It featured one of our local chaps trick cyclist Alf Tabb, his two Granddaughters took in a miniature twelve inch high bicycle which Alf – all six foot two inches of him – rode all over the world, he kept a five pound note in his pocket wherever he went, this was the reward for anyone who could ride the bike for five yards.

Alf died in 1976 aged 93, Later, there was talk of erecting a statue in the Horsefair, during these discussions Alf’s name was put through as a better suggestion as his shop had been just off the Horsefair in Stourbridge road.

Alf lost out to an iron horse made from Horseshoes!

A record number of UK coronavirus cases in the last 24 hours was down to Brits enjoying one “last hurrah” before lockdown, experts say. Infections leapt yesterday by half to 33,470 in the biggest 24-hour rise – bringing to total number of UK cases to 1.2million. The number of deaths sadly hovered at just below 600 as they have most of the week, there were 563 recorded.

Friday 13/11/2020 – Day 245

Woke up this morning and realised that it was Friday 13^th, I was born really unlucky, if I’d have been one of Dolly Parton’s triplets I’d have been the one on the bottle!

When I was born, I looked poorly, my mother asked the midwife, “Will he live?” she said, “Only if you take your foot off his throat.”

I know one thing for sure, with my luck I’m never going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I’m certainly not going go the same way. With these bizarre thoughts swimming around in my head I went downstairs for my tea and Weetabix.

I was in the Repair shop about 1.00pm when Mrs H brought in a very welcome sandwich, as I was feeding my handsome fizzog I began to think about the history of the sarnie (I know, don’t you just feel sorry for me).

I was raised on sandwiches as a staple diet, from the very first day my dear old Mum passed me a jam splattered quarter with the crusts cut off, I was hooked, my highchair I daresay would look like a scene from a massacre by the time that humble butty had been aimed at the mouth and missed on many occasions.

When I first started school I graduated to the ‘sprinkled sugar butty’. This would involve coming home hungry and Mum saying “Have a bit of bread and scrape”, I had to ask if I could have a sprinkling of sugar on it. I remember the old Tate and Lyle bags where mum used to pour the last remains into a sugar bowl and then rub the bag vigorously between her hands to get the last remains of sugar out, these days there is nothing left but back then the sugar stuck to the bag, perhaps it was the condensation in the kitchen caused by a constant rainbow from boiling terry towel nappies..

Then as I grew there was the old stalwart – the chip butty – this was used many a time to stop a tummy from consistently rumbling, on weekend evenings as soon as the parents left for the pub the blackened chip pan would come out, I remember being capable of peeling a potato before I started school. Mother had a device back then called a chipper, you would put the peeled spud into it and push down hard on the handle, this would push the potato toward a grid with squares, one more good push and your chips popped out the other side. Then it was into the boiling hot lard – I can still smell them cooking now – once cooked, they were carefully placed onto a doorstep of a sandwich, lashings of tomato sauce was added and miraculously you no longer had a rumbling tummy. Prior to this of course, on a Saturday teatime whilst the old man checked his pools coupon, hoping to win the £75000 (the jackpot back then) mum would mash up about 8 bananas and  make a full loaf or more of sandwiches, the bananas had to be mashed or they wouldn’t go around my 4 brothers and 5 sisters, I still enjoy a mashed banana sandwich even today.

On leaving school and starting work my mum didn’t have much imagination when it came to providing butties. It was mostly Lemon Curd spread very thinly on bread  and butter, Lemon curd was used to save the embarrassment of seeing strawberry jam oozing out of your bread, sometimes I would have a bit of corned beef, fishpaste spread or even a cold fried egg sandwich.

Speaking of embarrassment, the worst thing my mum could ever give me was boiled egg sandwiches! Just Imagine being sat in a hut with a lot of burly bricklayers and labourers, when suddenly someone opens an Oxo tin with egg sandwiches freshly made 13 hours ago and placed into a Mother’s Pride bread wrapper, you then open it – the stench was unbelievable, and no-one spoke to me for the rest of the day because they had to take their break in the rain!.

A few years later I graduated to Bacon and egg sandwiches, these were frequently bought from café’s, II would eventually graduate to the Bacon, Egg and tomato sandwich, this doorstep took a lot of skill to negotiate, the skill was to manage to eat it without the contents drippling down the clean T shirt your mum had given you that morning.

When I got married Mrs H’s skill with a piece of bread, cheese and tomato was unsurpassable, remember when you were little and you had real jam sandwiches, remember the delight of seeing that lump in your sandwich – the days when whole strawberries were put into jam – well, Mrs H’s were like that in the early days, the only different was the lumps were blocks of cheese and quarters of tomato, it has taken me 47 years to get her to actually slice the ingredients and not rip a block off and shove it between two slices of bread – bless her. A special mention for the salad sandwich, can I just say that watching someone biting into one of these in a cafeteria with mayonnaise running down the corner of their mouth is not a good look!

And finally, along came the BLT, for those not in the know this is a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sarnie. Who on earth thought that it was a good idea to put a usually crisp and refreshing lettuce leaf together with a red hot slice of bacon? The result was a mish mash of a sandwich that tasted like the equivalent of eating a dishcloth after it had been in a hot washing up bowl for the duration.

No thank you!

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my look at the humble butty.

I don’t normally wish ill on anyone but today Peter Sutcliffe – aka the Yorkshire Ripper – died with Coronavirus, his death may bring closure to the thirteen families of the women he brutally and mercilessly butchered back in the 1970’s, may he never rest in peace.

There was a lot of Cummings and goings at No 10 this afternoon when Dominic Cummings, left Number 10 Downing Street “with immediate effect” (at just after 5:30pm). Dare I say ‘That’s two wrong uns gone today’.

Saturday 14/11 2020 – Day 246.

Well, here we are at the end of week 35 already, where has the time gone? Mrs H and I actually went to sleep at 2,00am after watching 5 episodes of ‘Heartland’ a massive series from Canada set on a horse training farm. Well worth a look with over 200 episodes in the series.

The weather has turned, it’s as dull as dishwater, actually, that is wrong.The original simile, dull as ditchwater, dating from the 1700s, alluded to the muddy water in roadside ditches. In the first half of the 1900s, perhaps through mispronunciation, it became dishwater, that is, the dingy, greyish water in which dirty dishes had soaked.

Today’s project has been passed to me by Mrs H, it’s a bit like the challenges on Top Gear when someone pops over and hands them a card with a task on it, (actually, Mrs H is a big fan, Mmm is that where she got the idea?) So, on our landing we have an old chair which Mrs H’s Granddad used to sit on as he worked in the shed down the garden, To say it is looking a little tired would be underestimating the situation, so todays challenge task is to strip all the varnish off it and paint it white with touches of copper on the legs, this will bring it in line with the colour scheme in our hallway. Watch this space!

Prince Charles has a birthday today, he is 72 years young, but more to the point, today in 1936 The birth of Freddie Garrity, singer, frontman and the comical element in the 1960s pop band, Freddie and the Dreamers. The group disbanded in the late 1960’s but he formed a new version of Freddie and the Dreamers and toured regularly for the next two decades until 2001, when he was diagnosed with emphysema. He died on 19th May 2006. I still have the image of those crazy dances and swinging across the stage on a rope, completely zany, but he proved he had a voice when his record ‘I Understand’ reached No5 in 1964.

Also, today in 1969 The BBC began colour television programmes. This was a great relief to the producers of Pot Black and other snooker programmes, mind you some presenters had to have hasty makeovers lol!

Has anyone realised yet that in one of the most bizarre role reversals of 2020 our kids are now shouting at us for going out! The good news is that there are less than 7 weeks left in this tragedy of a year. There are also just 40 days left to Christmas, there you go, that’s cheered you up no end I’ll bet.

Today’s figures are the highest weekend figures to date of this second lockdown, there were 28,860 new cases and 462 recorded deaths. The total for the last seven days is 172,915 new cases and 2,878 recorded deaths. The government are saying that the next two weeks are vital if the lockdown is to end on December 2^nd.

And on that sad not dear reader I will leave you for another week, don’t forget to tell your friends about this pile of garbage you receive every Sunday morning, because I’m not going anywhere until March at the earliest – God willing.

Have a wonderful week but most importantly – stay safe.

It’s been emotional!