Diary of a self-isolator – week 33

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 25/10/2020 – Day 224

I have had a terrible night (stop laughing) I seem to have wrenched my shoulder sometime yesterday, it may have been lifting the old cast-iron covers off the manhole, if you recall, we were having a problem with the sewers, anyway when all was done I went in to watch the Ireland v Italy Rugby Union match, I leant across to pick up my cup and the pain was excruciating, it felt like someone had thrust a knife into my shoulder, (not that I have ever been stabbed, but come close to it a few times with Mrs H during heated arguments lol). As I have no recollection of how or when it happened, must be old age creeping up on me like a thief in the night.

Every time I tried to move the pain was really bad, I may have kept waking Mrs H up most of the night, so, despite putting the clocks back I was awake at 5.30 and could see no reason for lying there while there were thousands of words and questions going through this sad old head. Like – have you ever wondered why we put the clocks forward and then back?

At 1am on the last Sunday in March, clocks ‘spring forward’ by an hour

At 2am on the last Sunday in October, the clocks ‘fall back’ by an hour.

The idea of Summer Time or daylight – saving time was first mentioned in 1784 by Benjamin Franklin, the American inventor, scientist and statesman.( Didn’t you just know that it would have started in the USA) However, it wasn’t until 1907 that a serious proposal for daylight saving time was made in Britain by William Willett. Angry at the waste of daylight during summer mornings, he self-published a pamphlet called “The Waste of Daylight”.

In 1916, a year after Willett’s death, Germany became the first country to adopt daylight saving time. The UK did the same a few weeks later, along with many other nations involved in the First World War (1914-1918).

Within a few years of its introduction, many countries across the world adopted Daylight Saving Time. However, the benefits of it have been an ongoing debate since it was first introduced.

During the Second World War (1939-1945), British Double Summer Time two hours in advance of Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) – was temporarily introduced for the period when ordinary daylight saving would be in force. During the winter, clocks were kept one hour in advance of GMT to increase productivity.

With the war over, Britain returned to British Summer Time except for an experiment between 1968 and 1971 when the clocks went forward but were not put back, (I didn’t know that) The experiment was discontinued as it was found impossible to assess the advantages and disadvantages of British Summer Time.

Campaigners have sought a return to British Double Summer Time or a permanent British Summer Time to save energy and increase the time available in the evenings. An attempt was made by backbench MPs to change BST but The Daylight-Saving Bill 2010–12 was not passed by the House of Commons.

Opponents pointed out that in the north it would create social disadvantages: for instance, in the far north-west of Scotland sunrise would occur at about 10am in winter, and over much of the north children would have to travel to and from school in darkness.

So, there you have it, still confused? The next time you’re thinking “when do the clocks go back?” simply memorise the phrase “spring forward, fall back”. The clocks always spring forward an hour on the last weekend in March and fall back on the final weekend of October.

Due to the shoulder injury Mrs H has insisted that I rest for today, she will bring me breakfast in bed, with umpteen cups of tea and numerous pain-killers. Then it will be lunchtime, before plumping up my pillows to make sure I am comfortable she will bring me my morning tea and biscuits followed by a roast dinner with all the trimmings served on a silver platter and a smattering of pecks on the cheek – it was at this stage that I woke up and decided to get out of bed! The clock said 6.35 am but it was actually 5.35am.

Today’s new cases have once again risen albeit only by a small amount, they stand at 19790 with a further 151 deaths. The row over meals for children continues with an abundance of local shopkeepers offering free lunches for children.

Monday 26/10/2020 – Day 225

The old shoulder gave me another sleepless night, tried painkillers to no avail, I’d go to the doctors but he’s an ex veterinary doctor from up Yorkshire way, they’re made of sterner stuff up there, he’d probably take a look at my shoulder and arm and say:

“Aye, there’s nowt to be done lad, it’s buggered, lie down and I’ll cut it off for thee”

The lovely Mrs H has talked me into buying some new bedroom furniture for the boudoir, mind you, it’s long overdue, I think she inherited the dressing table from her mother – may she rest in peace – my mother in law and I were happy for nearly twenty years, and then we met each other!

This all started with a lick of paint or a five minute make-over, the idea was to get rid of the existing cream paint – Mrs H has been convinced by Mrs Hinch or one of the others , that cream is no longer in vogue, pristine  white is the order of the day – and so we need to cover it all with white, this then led to a discussion about whether or not we should re-paper, the existing paper cost about £25 a roll and I just don’t think we’ve had enough wear out of it yet, there’s another 15 years left in it I think.

Anyway, the upshot is that the light of my life has rebelled and wants more storage space for her smalls. So, with deep regret I have ordered a new chest of drawers and two bedside cabinet.

Anyone want to buy an antique dressing table scarred with years of mascara, Chanel No5 and lipstick?

What to do with my day is the problem, at the moment I’m about as useful as a one- legged bloke in an arse kicking contest (apologies ladies). I’m quite ambidextrous so all is not completely lost. I could easily wipe down the evidence of ‘bouncers’ return, or dip my left hand into the pond and pull out the blanket weed, or I could just lounge around and annoy Mrs H, the world is my oyster.

On this day in 1989 The British Chancellor of the Exchequer Nigel Lawson resigned over policy differences with Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. John Major replaced him. A classic case of out of the frying pan and into the fire methinks!

Figures continue to increase as the number of new cases reach 20890 an increase of 1100 on yesterday, the number of new deaths fall to 102 thankfully.

Tuesday 27/10/2020 – Day 226

Guess what – oh you’re far too good for me you lot – yes it’s raining outside and lake Geneva outside the house has well and truly established itself leaving around nine inches of pathway for children and mothers to negotiate, now the children can cope quite easily with everything that’s thrown at them, being left alone, being left to starve – oops sorry, slipped off into political mode for a minute, naughty me.

As I said the little darlings can cope quite well on their own, unless of course they have their heads down looking at the latest banter on Facebook, twitter or whatever else they’re linked up to. If they are doing that – which the majority do as they pass our house – then the little cherubs are going to get an  early bath, because lorry drivers think it funny to go past at sixty mile an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone, if those little things aren’t watching where they are going then the water bucket challenge from previous years is going to look like a day out with the Sunday school.

No, it’s the poor mothers I feel sorry for,, especially the young ones on their way into town, having to manoeuvre their way past this lake pushing the latest technology pushchair – which has everything except Sky TV built into it – with one hand, whilst trying to talk to their ‘bestie’ about the absolute rubbish soaps that were on TV the previous night.

It may have escaped your notice dear reader, but I seem to have got out the wrong side of the bed this morning, (actually, I can only get out one side as Mrs H refuses to sleep near the door in case axe-wielding burglars or rapists should break into our humble abode, which means that I will get it first) oops, there I go again.

The reason for my sarcasm and creative outlook on life is that Mrs H has once again trapped me! It was in the bedroom this morning (stop it you lot).We have been discussing of late a bit of a makeover for the old boudoir, it started with a lick of paint, then proceeded to stripping and repapering the whole room and finally to ordering new bedroom furniture which I already have.

But this morning she fluttered her eyelids as she supped on the latte I had just made her and said;

“Darling, I’ve been thinking about the bedroom”.

Straightaway, there are two things wrong with that statement, firstly she is using terms of endearment – very dangerous, and secondly, she is thinking – which is even more dangerous than the first.

She carried on, “don’t think we should buy new wallpaper at £30 a roll, we should keep what we already have and just do all the paintwork, don’t you think?”

Well, I was over the moon, it was only a day’s work for the refurb, but I had a nagging suspicion.

“Anyway”, she continued, “With the money we’re saving I can get some new curtains, I’ve seen some lovely ones and they’ll cheer the room up no end”

And there you have it dear reader, caught, hook, line and sinker, monopolised into buying something other than wallpaper we had discussed, I’ll say it again, that woman is good, she should be doing the Brexit negotiations, they’d be paying us to leave!

The number of new cases rose by a further 2000 to 22885, but the number of registered deaths rose alarmingly to 367, this is cause for great concern with government scientific advisors now saying that the death toll over the coming Winter season could now easily beat that of the roll in March/April.

Wednesday 28/10/2020 – Day 227

Quite a nice day out there today, I was woken at 5,15 with murmurs of a toothache, got up and took a couple of paracetamol. I am sat in the office looking out the window at the most stunning red acer tree in our garden, the colour is beautiful. Bouncer is also admiring the view only the view is his reflection in the mirror he is bouncing up and down in front of, I have decided that it is a male as no female would make that sort of mess. My shoulder is still very painful, so everything is I do is a lot slower, sometimes I think it’s gone then I make a movement and it reminds me – very painfully – that it hasn’t.

I spent most of the day yesterday sanding down and repainting an old oak oval shaped drop leaf table, it was a bit awkward because of the barley twist legs, but the end result was well worth it, I painted the bottom white and did the top in copper, quite stunning even if I do say so myself.

Apparently today 1949 The glove puppet Sooty, made his first appearance on BBC TV. I’ll bet Harry Corbett had a hand in that.

Also, 1958 The State Opening of Parliament was televised for the first time, and we got to see where all those old MP’s slept.

Today was spent finishing off the Dining room which I started last week after fitting a new beam across the fireplace, we have since added a new mirror, but now the whole room needs freshening up, so it was out with the sheen finish paint (Mrs H doesn’t like shiny gloss), You don’t think your room needs doing until you put fresh white paint on it, but the difference is astonishing!

Less than three hours later and all was done and everything was back in place, the only things that were still tacky were the real wood tops above the dressers – they would need at least another coat of Danish oil when dry.

The number of new cases continues to rise drastically and in the last 24 hours stood at 24709, sadly, the number of deaths are also rising with a further 310 being recorded, that is almost 700 in just two days, yet still the government don’t seem overly concerned – I have to admit that I am.

Thursday 29/10/2020 – Day 228

Was intending to go outside today and tidy up the fallen leaves but the rain continues to fall and I poked my head outside, far too cold. I have decided to put together the two flat pack bedside cabinets that arrived yesterday, I hate flat pack but the price demanded I buy them!

First thing to do was find the instructions, it is very important that you bin these at the first opportunity as they will totally confuse you even if your surname happens to be Einstein.

I neatly laid out all the screws, fittings, drawer runners and other parts then put the drawers in one pile and the carcass in another, It was quite obvious how the drawers went together so I got on with that first, what I didn’t allow for was the fact that I’d forgotten I had a very painful shoulder. I don’t know whether you know this or not, but you cannot use power tools on flatpack – everything has to be done by hand!

It took me over an hour to assemble three drawers with the runners, a job that would normally take a third of that time, but I persevered, Mrs H kept popping upstairs and asking if I could cope.

On her third trip upstairs with tea she mentioned that there must have been someone walking past outside and their language was terrible

“Oh Really?” I said sheepishly, whilst rubbing my bruised knuckles, “That’s disgusting”.

By the time I’d put the damn thing together nearly two and a half hours had gone from my life and I still had another to do, but at least I’d managed to keep my language down.

The second one went a lot better and was slammed put together in half the time. When they arrived Mrs H decided that she didn’t like the handles that came with them, so we went on to Amazon and got some she did like. They arrived this afternoon. There was only one problem – the bolts on the new handles were too long, so I was faced with the prospect of taking them to the repair shop and cutting 10 millimetre off each one and there were about sixty of them, I relayed the news to Mrs H looking for a bit of sympathy;

“Why don’t you just use the screws that came with the original handles?” she said casually as she stared out of the window.

OMG! Why hadn’t I thought of that, I didn’t know whether or not to kiss her or squeeze her tight in joy – but the shoulder wouldn’t stretch to that, so I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and said;

“Yes darling, thank you for the input, but I’d already thought of that, you just didn’t let me finish saying so”.

As I turned my face away in embarrassment the word ‘Brexit’ once again came to mind.

Sadly, the numbers of infected people continue to rise, the new cases now number 23465 with the number of deaths recorded at 286.

Friday 30/10/2020 – Day 229.

It is 5.30 am and I am lay in bed thinking that I’m at the age where my mind thinks I am still 29, my sense of humour suggest I’m twelve, while my body keeps asking mostly if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

It was at this stage that I decided to get up.

It was really mild outside, at around 18 degrees it was a veritable Summer day! So, Mrs H and I decided to get our old backsides out there and take the opportunity to  have a bit of an Autumn tidy up, I got my leaf sucker out while Mrs H binned what was left of the remaining hanging baskets, I was busy – well sucking – when the phone rang, it was George, I really like him but sometimes – just sometimes…… it turns out that he just wanted to tell me a joke he had just heard, it wasn’t half bad actually, I thought I’d share it with you.

Richard after a long night at work heard his phone ping with a text message:

Hi Richard, this is Jeremy from next door, I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months now and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you. While you’ve been at work, I’ve been sharing your wife day and night, probably more than you, I haven’t been getting it at home recently, I know that’s no excuse. The temptation was far too great, and I just couldn’t help myself, anyway, I can’t live with the guilt any longer, I sincerely hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Perhaps you could suggest a fee for usage, I’ll gladly pay

Jeremy

Richard feeling enraged and betrayed grabbed his gun, went next door and shot Jeremy dead. Returning home, he shot his wife as she slept. Feeling a lot better he sat in his favourite chair poured himself a stiff drink and relaxed, he looked down at his phone and saw a second message from Jeremy.

Hi Richard, Jeremy here again, sorry about the typo on my last message, I suppose you’ve figured it out by now and noticed that the damn predictor changed Wi-Fi to wife.

Technology huh! It’ll be the death of us all.

Well I thought it was good, I carried on tidying up until the last leaf had been cornered and was cowering on the edge of the decking, but a quick reverse blast soon shifted it.

Now it was time to go back indoors and put together the chest of drawers that had arrived last night, it was exactly the same as the bedside cabinets but a lot bigger and with five drawers.

Of course, it wasn’t made here, some sort of foreign EEC stamp on it, which started me thinking about the ongoing Brexit row, Boris is digging his heels in and refuses to budge.

I personally can’t wait for the end of Brexit, nothing is built in this country anyway, I looked at the back of our brand new TV and it said – built in Antenna – I don’t even know where that country is!

I went to my normal source to check the daily Covid-19 figures and this headline was on there;

‘Britain’s second coronavirus crisis is on track to kill more than 85,000 people this winter if the country doesn’t lock down immediately, SAGE warned today as 274 more Covid-19 victims and 24,405 cases were announced.

The Government’s scientific advisers have called for the UK to follow in the footsteps of Germany and France and retreat back into a full national shutdown ‘for at least a month’ because they say the current three-tiered lockdown system is failing. But top experts say interventions take at least three weeks to take effect. The tiered system only came into force on October 14, little over two weeks ago.’

Saturday 31/10/2020 – Day 230

Lay here in bed early morning, contemplating life – as you do – when this strange thought entered my head, I’m not sure if Halloween ought to be cancelled this year, I mean, we’ve all been wearing a mask and stuffing ourselves full of chocolate and sweets for nine months or more so what would change?

Anyway it’s here, the witching hour is upon us, I hear a lot of people saying that it’s just another ‘American’ idea foisted on us, but actually, that isn’t true, Halloween had its origins in the festival of Samhain among the Celts of ancient Britain and Ireland. On the day corresponding to November 1 on contemporary calendars, the new year was believed to begin. That date was considered the beginning of the winter period, the date on which the herds were returned from pasture and land tenures were renewed. During the Samhain festival the souls of those who had died were believed to return to visit their homes, and those who had died during the year were believed to journey to the otherworld. People set bonfires on hilltops for relighting their hearth fires for the winter and to frighten away evil spirits, and they sometimes wore masks and other disguises to avoid being recognized by the ghosts thought to be present. It was in those ways that beings such as witches, hobgoblins, fairies, and demons came to be associated with the day. The period was also thought to be favourable for divination on matters such as marriage, health, and death.

When large numbers of immigrants, including the Irish, went to the United States beginning in the mid- 19th century, they took their Halloween customs with them, and in the 20th century Halloween became one of the principal U.S. holidays, particularly among children.

And so dear reader, we inflicted Halloween on America.

Mrs H and I are sat awaiting the start of the remainder of the Rugby Union six nations which had been cancelled in March, Mrs H is still fuming, I told her not to wear headphones whilst vacuuming, she did every room downstairs before she realised the hoover wasn’t plugged in, she is so annoyed at herself.

George popped in this morning on his way to the supermarket, I was in the repair shop when he looked in.

“Morning mate, how’s it going?”

“Not good” said George, “I’m in the doghouse yet again”.

“What have you done this time?” I asked.

“It wasn’t my fault, she conned me”.

“Who and how?”

“Rose, she conned me, we were talking over breakfast when she started talking about marriage, not getting married but marriage in general if you know what I mean, anyway, she said that a woman’s wedding day was the best day of their lives”.

“Go on “, I said reluctantly.

“Well, all I said was that any woman who thought that getting married was the best day of their life obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine by mistake”.

“George, you make a rod for your own back”.

Boris and his two advisors eventually made it to the podium today, (there were rumours that he was watching the Rugby on TV), anyway, the result is that from next Thursday we are all on official lockdown, except the schoolchildren, their teachers, the headmasters, the dinner ladies, the college students, their tutors, academies and all essential shops, well, you know where I’m going with this.

He could have saved everyone and himself a lot of time and told them that he was closing anywhere where people meet, pubs restaurants, café’s, hotels, except schools, colleges and academies etc. etc etc.

You have to ask ‘Is it really a National Lockdown!

There were 21915 new cases in the last 24 hours, this means there are now over 1 million people infected in the UK, deaths were registered at 326 bringing the total now to 46555.

Well dear reader we are here again at the end of another very productive week, with Remembrance Sunday fast approaching my sales of World War One in Verse have really shot up, if you want a copy of any of them here is a reminder.

1. A Poetic Trip Along Memory Lane (all poems about the fifties and sixties) £6.47.
2. Poetry from The Heart (A mixture of poetry I’ve written in the last 5 years, £5.49
3. World War One in Verse. (A collection of poems telling the story from the outset to when it is all over) £4.99

All are free if you have Amazon Kindle. They would all make wonderful stocking fillers as most are full of memories.

Or just press control and then click on this https://www.erhblog.co.uk