Diary of a self-isolator – week 27

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 06/09/2020 – Day 182

Up with the lark this morning, the sun was streaming through the window at 6.00am and all was well with the world, went downstairs for my four Weetabix and there was no milk, which meant a trip down the shed to the other fridge – in my dressing gown! Good job we’ve got understanding neighbours, I was soon tucking into my regular breakfast.

Talking of breakfast, apparently, there is a new Orange Juice being marketed today, it is called CEX, (pronounced sex). The new information leaflet says Cex is marvellous, it boosts the immune system and keeps you slim because of its unique formula. The leaflet goes on to say that Cex is good for you at any time of the day, you can have Cex for lunch or for supper but morning is said to be the best time, it could be good during the night also, So always remember to have Cex on the breakfast table it will guarantee a great start to the day, If you go on holiday don’t forget your Cex. Please order Cex from your milkman as soon as possible, He will be pleased to deliver, if not Cex is available at your local supermarket, just ask any colleague where you can get it. Cex will turn you around and leave you feeling wonderful. Once started finish Cex as soon as possible, we are sure that you will enjoy it!

On this day in 1902 the first conviction in Britain using fingerprints as evidence was in the case against Harry Jackson by the Metropolitan Police at the Old Bailey. He had left his thumbprint in wet paint on a windowsill and was tracked down through it. On 27 June 1902 a burglary occurred in a house in Denmark Hill, London, and some billiard balls were stolen. The investigating officer noticed a number of fingerprints on a freshly painted windowsill, apparently where the burglar made his entry. He was sentenced to seven years. Number 1. I can’t believe he got 7 years for stealing billiard balls, and Number 2, I am wondering now if this is the reason that they put ‘wet paint’ notices up when re-decorating.

Also, on this day stiff pilchard Cliff Richard made his debut appearance on Jack Goodes ‘Oh Boy’ Tv programme singing ‘Move it’, this was later covered by a bunch of chimpanzees on a Tv advert for PG tips, under the guise of Mr Shifter and ‘Here Dad, do you know the piano’s on my foot?’ I’ll let you finish that one-off.

While you ponder the above I am off outside to paint the area around my fish pond, I daresay I will have someone watching me with their mouth open and watching me all the time, No, dear reader, not Mrs H but Jaws, my Koi Carp who has the ability to outstare any living being on earth.

So, I am outside in my back garden doing the painting when all hell breaks loose a mile or so away, I have no idea what was going on but all I could hear for ten minutes were sirens of all types, I don’t know why, but we seem to hear a lot more sirens on a weekend than in the week. George confided to me one day that it was the ‘weekend coppers’, he reckons that when the regulars go off duty on a Friday afternoon the part-timers take over, and they love a siren. I don’t believe him for one minute of course – but there are a lot of sirens on a weekend.

New coronavirus cases are slightly down but still well over three thousand at 3330, it was reported on the news that police were overwhelmed by the number of parties and raves taking place last night nationwide. There were 5 further deaths.

Monday 14/09/2020 – Day 183

Well here we are entering our 27th week together, (except for all you late arrivals of course – but, you are all very welcome lol) The sun is already blazing at 5,45 am but it must be quite chilly as the central heating has just fired up.

Mrs H arose about 7.45 and was keen to get outside, I did explain to her that it was still quite cold yet bless her, but if I had to name her after a variety of flower it would have to be – now what am I looking for – not rose, got it! It would have to be impatiens because that little lady of mine is full of it. She will look at a plant online and say that it’s too small, she needs instant garden growth, three of the ‘plants’ that we bought a couple of years back were ‘too small’ but it’s just cost me £200 to get a chap to cut em down!

I am trying really hard to learn the different types of plants in our garden, but Mrs H moves them so often that I’m really very confused

Now, regular readers will recall that about 24 weeks ago we had a little visitor, I was sat upstairs at my computer gently tapping away at the keys, when I heard Mrs H scream,
“Quick, get down here”.

Thinking that the Russians had invaded or worse still, Donald Trump had invited himself round for tea, I bolted down the stairs to find out what all the chaos was about, I found Mrs H curled up on the backroom sofa – trembling.

“I’ve just seen a mouse come through the back door” she said with a quivering tremble in her voice.

Resisting the temptation to ask if it was carrying a suitcase I asked where it had gone.

“in the laundry room”.

Well, at least it was a clean mouse, I had a quick look around, nothing, but just to show a bit of sympathy I went to the repair shop and fetched two traps, I set them and shut the laundry room door.

An hour later Mrs H was watching her compliment of soaps (which are now back on a regular basis, beam me up Scotty) on the bed, she absolutely refused to stay downstairs with Minnie or Mickie (or both, they usually hang around in pairs) when she asked me if I fancied a cup of tea, Me – being the gentleman that I am – offered to go and make it, whilst down their I opened the laundry room door just to check on the traps, they were empty! I don’t mean there wasn’t a mouse in them, the little chap had been in – eaten what was in there and made a sharp exit – without setting off the traps, I mean, I could understand one being empty, but both! I either need to get some new traps or, I am dealing with the son of super-mouse from 24 weeks ago, watch this space.

Thankfully the new cases were down quite heftily today, but then, we are into weekend figures, the new case figure was 2621 while deaths in the past 24 hours were slightly higher from yesterday with a total of nine.

Tuesday 15/09/2020 – Day 184

Another sweltering day on the way for today.

In 1752 the 3rd of September became the 14th as the Gregorian Calendar was introduced into Britain. Crowds of people rioted on the streets demanding, ‘Give us back our 11 days.’ I think they got away quite lightly we want the whole of 2020 back!

Mrs H and I have got fed up with paying out for signs, you know the ones, things like ‘Trespassers will be composted’ to hang near the greenhouse, over the years and because of Mrs H’s obsession with these signs(they are hanging off every available door handle in the house, every available space on the wall) we have paid out a small fortune. So, I am supposed to be a writer, I have lots of bits of wood lying around, I thought, why not make my own. We ordered some ready made letters of the t’internet (less than £4 for 60+) and we were on the way, I have made up a few sayings which cannot be bought anywhere and I am making the signs right now, (well, not right now, I am typing).

George popped around while I was in the back garden, he’s not a happy bunny, apparently his partner Rose hasn’t spoken to him for two days, it seems that after he almost worried himself into an early grave last Wednesday because he thought it was her birthday, it turned out that it was on Saturday, Rose got out of bed full of the joys of Spring, dropping hints at George who had drank more than his share in the local club the night before, any normal man would have realised after two hours of hints, but we’re talking George here, he was on TV in the sixties quite a lot, it was called interference, anyway, to cut a long story short he is well and truly in the doghouse, he has been living on skinheads on rafts (beans on toast) and jam butties since Saturday as Rose refuses to cook for him.

He got no sympathy from Mrs H either, she looked at the two-day stubble on his chin and casually asked if Rose had locked his razors away as well.

Well. I have no idea what’s happening on the Mickie and Minnie situation, I left 2 traps in the laundry room last night, I had reason to go down around 11.00pm and just checked while I was there – the traps were empty. There are 2 possible reasons here, 1. The cheeky little bugger got shut in the laundry room and thought he would make the best of a bad situation by eating the contents of the trap and getting a free meal. 2. The traps no longer work!

Anyway, I reloaded the traps and went to bed, watch this space!

Sadly a substantial jump in new deaths today, they went up to 27, that’s 27 families who are going to have a miserable and sad Christmas, our hearts go out to all those families. The new case total once again passed the 3000 mark up to 3105.

Wednesday 16/09/2020 – Day 185

Woke up to the sound of Marc Bolan and T rex singing the classic ‘Ride a White Swan’. 29-year-old former singer Marc was killed on this day in 1977 when the car driven by his girlfriend, Gloria Jones, left the road and hit a tree in Barnes, London.

The couple were on the way to Bolan’s home in Richmond after a night out at a Mayfair restaurant. A local man who witnessed the crash said, “When I arrived a girl was lying on the bonnet and a man with long dark curly hair was stretched out in the road; there was a hell of a mess”.

Marc had become a huge star in the UK, and at some time in the early to mid-’70s, he was probably the ‘biggest’ pop star we had. He achieved that rare thing — he had a massive teenybopper audience, yet secretly the cool guys appreciated how good he really was.

I can’t believe this weather, another gloriously sunny day here in Kidderminster, certainly trying to make up for the rubbish Summer we had.

Checked the traps again this morning, nothing happening, food still intact and no sign of activity, it seems that Minnie/Mickie was an opportunist thief and did actually sneak in through the back door where Mrs H first saw it. However, for Mrs H’s sanity I will leave them down a little longer, and another little mouse will live to pop back in the coming Winter months.

If there’s an increase in Covid 19 cases because there has been an increase in testing, I’m wondering now that if there was an increase in IQ testing – would there be an increase in idiots?

Apparently on this day 1915 The opening of Britain’s first Women’s Institute happened, (regularly referred to as simply the WI) it was opened at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Anglesey, Wales. Its two aims were to revitalise rural communities and to encourage women to become more involved in producing food during the First World War. It is now the largest women’s voluntary organisation in the UK.

I reckon they chose this name in case the hubby asked his wife where she was off to ‘at this time of night’, it would also have served to stop any protestations as most politicians couldn’t spell or pronounce it.

Also on this day 2002 the world’s first self – cleaning glass was launched after being developed by scientists at the leading glass company of Pilkington’s in St Helens. The water used was apparently supplied from the tears of window cleaners!

Enough of this light banter, it is now 11.00 am and I am still in my dressing gown, this is all thanks to Mrs H who cannot sleep in hot weather, we are staying up until 1.30 am watching TV, it was almost 8.00 am when I rolled this old body out of bed.

I am off outside to finish my signs.

Well, what can I say, Mrs H is over the moon with my new-fangled signs made up with bits of old wood and left-over paint, another feather in my cap!

Bit of a horrendous results in the coronavirus results today, the total of new cases was just nine shy of 4000 at 3991, there was also a further 20 deaths, the thing is that a lot of people cannot even get tested, so what is the real figure? Scary.

Thursday 17/09/2020 – Day 186

Here we are safely at Thursday, there is a popular saying that we seemed to have acquired from the good old USA, ‘Over the Hump’ means that we are past the middle of the week and on our way to the weekend, I don’t particularly like the saying it is a proper ‘Americanism’, besides the fact that after 26 weeks of isolation the weekend doesn’t really exist, all the days seem to roll into one!

I have had orders from the family for new signs the thing is, should I charge? Just asking for a friend. Meanwhile, Mrs H is expecting her delivery of stuff after spending a considerable amount on Winter clothing, It is only a matter of six weeks when she spent another ‘considerable sum’ on clothing, when I reminded her about that she replied, “Oh, that was Summer clothing”. I fail to understand why you would buy Summer clothing in the middle of a particularly poor Summer, answers on a postcard, please.

Ok. I’m getting paranoid with this mouse situation now, I have even started wondering if they were sticking, so I touched it with my finger – took me ages to find the plasters!

Rumours are rife on today’s radio news bulletins that the Government are considering a National two-week lockdown in order to bring under control what is being described as ‘the second wave’.

There is no sign of my new gadget that will allow me to drill holes precisely in wood, I ordered it over two weeks ago this is an email I received today.

Hi eric,
Thank you very much for your patience these days. Your patience has given us a great encouragement. Your order will arrive soon (7-15 working days),
If you feel like you’ve had a great time shopping,I hope you’ll leave a good comment when you receive the Facebook questionnaire.If you have any dissatisfaction during the whole process, please feel free to contact us through email [[email protected]]. It is our honor to solve the problem for you. Your valuable advice is our driving force. Sincerely look forward to your next visit.

May you have a wonderful time every day.

I’m no expert but isn’t that the worst email you have ever read, it is terrible English, I mean, who says ‘Thank you very much for your patience these days.’ And apparently ‘my patience has given them great encouragement’ I’m really over the moon about giving them this vast amount of encouragement – but where’s my tool? And finally, they wish me a wonderful time every day, this conjures up images of some kid in best designer gear on the backstreets of Beijing tapping out these emails with great gusto on the latest hi-tech computer and raking in hundreds of thousands of people’s money’,

I think I may have just had my second Chinese takeaway!

‘’When Covid 19 is over’ is starting to sound a bit like ‘When I win the lottery’!
New cases were well in excess of three thousand at 3395, new deaths were once again quite high at 21 despite the Governments attempts at ‘fudging the figures’ to keep them low.

Friday 18/09/2020 – Day 187

Yet another sunny day! So, it seems we are having a bit of an Indian Summer. Today I have decided that I should pick the last of the conference pears after one badly rotted pear narrowly missed Mrs H as she entered her greenhouse, oh dear, never mind eh!

Yesterday was spent re-painting a section of decking around the pond, I had only done it once in the Spring with some very cheap paint, today I will attempt to clean the glass on the Summer house, a bit of a daunting task considering it hasn’t been cleaned since I erected it 6 months ago!

I don’t know about you but I have always loved Fridays since my childhood, It was the end of the school week and we were allowed to stay out later and even stay up later, all week we would have to lie in bed at 7.00pm with blackouts up to the window to stop the evening sun blazing in, but it didn’t stop the screams of glee coming from the other kids in the street outside.

But Fridays were great, we would play in the street till about 8.00pm in the Summer of the late fifties, two men would go around the estate with a horse and cart loaded up with one hundred weight bags of coal, if my mum bought any off them she would stand at the door of the outdoor coalhouse puffing on an embassy cigarette and counting the bags, as soon as they were down the entry she would poke her head in the coalhouse checking for excessive slack or even stones!

Another regular on a Friday was the milkman, this would be his opportunity to catch some of those who hadn’t left the money on the doorstep, (yes, they could do that in those days). Another favourite was the Fruit and Veg chap, he had a shop in town but to supplement his income he would deliver in a van on Friday, his old green van would be full of the basics, potatoes, vegetables, fruit of all types.

There was only one young chap in our street who owned a car, he had an old Riley, one of those with running boards along the doors, he would invite us to jump on when he was turning around, he later became the milkman that I helped out on a weekend’

The other Friday evening visitor was the lad from the grocery shop around the corner, he had a bike with a large wicker basket on the front which carried the groceries to customers, a job I would do a few years later.

At 8.00pm we would have to go in, but it wasn’t too bad, we were allowed to watch an hour of TV before bed, It would be something like Bonanza, Rawhide or Wagon train, it was sheer bliss Friday night as a child.

I was born to be wild, but only till 8.30 – maybe 9.00 tops!

I’m not going to bother to turn my clock back on the 25th October, who needs an extra bloody hour of 2020!

The 6.00pm news on BBC was a bit dire today, Boris Johnson said “There’s no question, as I’ve said for several weeks now, that we could expect (and) are now seeing a second wave coming in,” he told reporters during a visit to the Vaccines Manufacturing Innovation Centre construction site near Oxford.

“We are seeing it in France, in Spain, across Europe – it has been absolutely, I’m afraid, inevitable we were going to see it in this country.”

The new cases had increased by almost a 1000 on yesterday’s figures, today’s were 4324 with another 27 deaths.

Saturday 18/09/2020 – Day 188

Forgot to tell you about the big weigh in on Thursday, Mrs H weighed in at one pound less and I lost another two pounds, I have mow shed exactly 8 pounds since I started, just need to lose another 8 now. Of course, when the kids were at home no-one put weight on when Mrs H cooked, they named the kitchen Area 51, because of the UFO’s – Unidentified Frying Objects!

Not sure how many of you have an Alexa, there are concerns being bandied about that these devices are listening in to our conversations, if you are thinking of investing in one get the male version called Alex – it doesn’t listen to anything apparently!

Had to order two more new mouse traps today, still unsure about the existing ones working properly, the mice are leaving notes asking for stronger cheese!
Today in 1839 was the Birth of George Cadbury, the chocolate manufacturer. A Quaker, he believed in taking care of the welfare of his workforce, and he created a model village for his employees at Bournville, Birmingham, but they weren’t very grateful – they ate it!

Also on this day 1879 The famous illuminations in Blackpool were switched on for the first time, a month before electricity was generally available in London. The first display was known as ‘Artificial sunshine’ and consisted of just eight Arc lamps which bathed the Promenade. I was just wondering how many made the long trek to see those eight lights lol!

All the new rules came into force this week, of course if you’re really desperate to have a party with the rule of six being the law, you could always have a ‘Police themed’ party then your neighbours will think you’ve already been grassed up lol!

On a more serious note, the number of new cases was up as high as in May earlier this year, there were 4422 new cases and a further 27 deaths, and yet still, news today is about arrests of protestors and parties being broken up all over the country, will they never learn?

That’s it for another week you lucky people, don’t forget my New book is still available. A Poetic Trip Along Memory Lane is £6.47 at Amazon, Poetry From The Heart is £5.49 and World War One In Verse is £4.99, all available at Amazon books or if you have Kindle then they are free.

Most importantly, please stay safe in these dark days ahead.

It’s been emotional.