Diary of a self-isolator – week 21

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 03/08/2020 – Day 140

Well here we are at the end of week 20 and on our 140^th day, I just can’t believe it’s been that long, it really only seems like a few weeks!

Work phoned last week for an update on my situation, but at the moment I haven’t got a clue what’s happening, so there’s not much I can tell them, our workplace in all fairness is Covid safe, but not for the likes of me who has underlying problems, thankfully they are all doing their best to help me..

Meanwhile Mrs H and myself have decided to have a lazy day, our Grandson Hatton toddled off to his football training session about 10.00am, by the time he has finished his mum and dad should be back from Liverpool, so we are off to the bottom of the garden to our sunbeds, a couple of weeks ago they were in the shade, but then we had that great big twisted tree removed. Yesterday was spent finishing off that massive roof, the weather was perfect for putting on felt, not too hot and not too cold, I switched on Gold radio and got stuck in, within four hours it was all done, hopefully nicely sealed. Going to miss the neighbour from two doors away though, we have been having some nice chats as I did my impression of Topol (Fiddler on the roof). I had never spoken to him till then as he only moved in a few months ago, but he’s a really nice chap, problem is I can’t see him through two six foot fences lol!

I did find out one thing today, Mrs H likes Old Speckled hen beer, we gave it a bit of a thrashing actually and by teatime my whole stocks had disappeared and I had been reduced to drinking Guinness, not that I mind as I’m quite partial to both, Mrs H on the other hand is a bit of a lightweight on the drinking business – she was fast asleep within an hour of going back indoors – bless her.

I suppose we really shouldn’t moan, but this hot weathers ok until you find out you have no Summer clothes to wear, it’s even worse when you realise you’re too fat to wear them anyway.

I heard a rumour that the government are putting Christmas day back to January 8^th – because Santa will have to quarantine for 14 days when he lands in the UK.

On a more sombre note there were 8 further deaths in the UK with 743 new reported cases.

Monday 03/08/2020 – Day 141

Well here we are safely at the beginning of week 21, I am wondering whether Mrs H and I should receive a key or something, like they used to in the fifties at the age of 21, Mrs H and myself actually got officially engaged on my 21^st birthday in January 1973, it was quite a short engagement as we tied the knot six months later in July! But we had a great party in my parents pub.

I was up quite early as usual and sat downstairs on my computer – well, not actually sat ON my computer – oh you know what I mean, suddenly I heard Mrs H shouting from upstairs that the front door bell was ringing, the problem with that front door bell is that when it rings, it only rings on Mrs H’s phone – which she had with her upstairs, so how on earth was I supposed to hear it!, But that didn’t deter Mrs H wrapped in a dressing gown and wailing like a banshee that someone was at the front door. It was exactly eight in the morning so I too had only my night attire under a dressing gown, but, bravely I answered the door to find the same chap from last week stood there tapping his finger very annoyingly on the delivery note.

Driver     Morning

Me          Is it?

Driver     You ordered a ton of gravel?

I had completely forgot about it, now normally this wouldn’t have been a problem, but the car was parked exactly where the gravel had to go, I don’t drive – you’re getting the picture now aren’t you, I grovelingly apologised and asked him if he could wait a few minutes while we moved the car, the chap was quite agreeable and five agonisingly long minutes Mrs H appeared – fully dressed and well flustered – with the key for the car. Within a few minutes he had tipped it and was on his way.

I need to tell you at this point why I don’t drive, we have to go all the way back to 1996 for the reason.

My daughters friends Mum was something to do with the scout movement, she came around one day and was quite upset, apparently the Scout hut about 4 miles away was in urgent need of repair, this involved raking all the joints out of the brickwork and re-pointing to make the building waterproof. They had received three quotes with the lowest being £15000.

The materials for the job were just under £100, so someone was making a bit of a killing to say the least.

Anyway the upshot was that I said I would do it for £1500, thirteen and a half thousand less, but I would only work on it in my spare time as I was fully booked up for almost six months (I was a jobbing builder at the time – jack of all trades and master of none lol). So, it was agreed, within a couple of weeks I had done all the preparation for the work so all that was left was a nice leisurely couple of weeks pointing up.

On the Friday afternoon I found myself with some time on my hands, so Mrs H dropped me off and I started to point up the gable end which meant working 15 feet up on a ladder, I was doing really well, but it was getting a bit windy, it was nearly 4.00 pm anyway so I decided to call it a day, My bucket and tools were on a small flat roof over the entrance, as I reached out to pick them up I had one hand on the ladder then – whoosh – a gust of wind had turned the ladder over and I was left dangling there holding on with one hand and with a fifteen foot drop below me.

I looked down, try as I might I could not get back onto the ladder. I closed my eyes and let go.

I hit the concrete path below with a thud, my right foot hit first and I heard and felt a crunch yet hardly any pain, I was right by the entrance where all the lads went into the hall, I just prayed that I wasn’t sick right there, I pulled myself together and tried to stand up, I had more chance of winning the lottery! My right foot was useless.

For the next hour I hopped around tidying up, I managed to get my ladders put away, I picked up all my tools and locked them away, the pain was now excruciating!

But my problems weren’t over yet, the Scout hut could only be reached by a 200 meter walk down a dirt path, there was no access for a car, so I now had to hop that distance to where Mrs H was waiting with Vickie, of course they had no idea what had happened and apparently 7 year old Vickie saw me coming down the lane hopping and laughingly said “What’s he done now”.

I struggled onto the back seat and Mrs H insisted I should go to the hospital, I insisted I should go home and get washed and changed first as I was covered in dust.

As I got changed the whole leg was swelling up, I was thinking to myself that I was going to be a bit late for the club that night. By the time we got to the hospital my whole leg had swollen to twice the size and was turning black, they x-rayed it and made arrangements for me to be detained in hospital.

It turned out that I had smashed my heel up into my ankle, the heel itself was no longer there, they explained that I had probably done a lot more damage hopping around, the doctor said it was the equivalent of shaking marbles around in a glass jar, it was six weeks before I got back home, but it was two years before I was able to do any kind of work, there were two occasions when the surgeon suggested amputation, but I insisted that as long as I could feel my toes I wouldn’t allow it.

I had 14 operations in two years and 21 months of those two years spent in a hospital bed, The operating room staff joked that they may as well put a zip on my foot to save opening it up all the time, they then registered me disabled because I had hardly any movement in my foot.

And that dear reader is why I don’t drive – Phew!

There were 9 deaths reported today with 928 new cases, that is dangerously high again.

Tuesday 04/08/2020 – Day 142

It really is strange that when I arise around 6.00 am each morning it is a gloriously sunny day, but by the time Mrs H rises it is overcast and gloomy, I don’t want you dear people to read anything into that of course lol.

My regular Weetabix supply has been affected by the youngest grandsons stay over the weekend, the little lightweight only eats one at a time, but this has left me with an odd amount, I have decided to correct the anomaly by having five instead of the normal four, it’s hell but someone’s got to do it.

I’m really struggling for something to do, I have spent all day pottering around, done a bit of painting, a bit of gardening and just general tidying up. Mrs H has been planting and moving shrubs, I sit with her watching gardening shows where the presenter will say that something can’t be moved until a certain time’

Not Mrs H, she moves it anytime, regardless of the rules, in fact she has totally destroyed the rule book, and yet I cannot ever remember her losing a shrub or a plant.

The day was spent odd-jobbing, when I say odd jobbing that is my way of clearing up all those little jobs that have been niggling me for the past couple of months, The sort of jobs where you walk past and think ‘ I must get that done next week’, so, there were lots of bits of painting to complete, a bit of help for Mrs H in the garden and tidy up the repair shop. My day was done by 3.00pm just in time for a nice refreshing cuppa.

Later that night Mrs H and myself were sat watching a boxing match I had been looking forward to for ages, it didn’t last long, “that’s a bit disappointing” I said to Mrs H, “ that encounter only lasted 45 seconds” She didn’t even look up from her book, when she said “Welcome to my world”

Deaths went up to 89 today with a further 670 new cases reported.

Wednesday 05/08/2020 – Day 143

Another dull as dishwater day which started out nice and sunny and was soon clouded over, after breakfast I am recycling a lot of items that have been annoying Mrs H because they are sticking out about twelve inches and therefore can be seen in her garden.

I refer of course to all the feather edge boards that myself and the grandson removed last week prior to re-felting the other roof. My job now is to get all those twisted and warped (sounds like a description of a member of parliament) boards to fit at the back of the corner summerhouse – or tea room – as Mrs H prefers to call it.

George rang again today, apparently he’s had another tiff with his new girlfriend Rose, it seems that she doesn’t see eye to eye with what he says, I can fully understand that because old George still lives in the dark ages as far as the ladies are concerned, this happened about twenty years ago, just before his wife divorced him actually.

After Georges son Colin proposed to his girlfriend, George took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.” Colin took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, she took off her panties and gave them to Colin. “Try these on,” she said. Colin went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” he said. “Exactly,” she replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”

I have a strange idea Colin will change.

Figures for the Coronavirus once again seem to be rising with  65 deaths and a further 891 new cases.

Thursday 06/08/2020 – Day 144.

No change in the weather today, but apparently, we have a heatwave on the way tomorrow, well, when I say heatwave it isn’t really, according to the weatherman, to warrant being called a heatwave it has to last at least three days, and it will be snowing on Sunday – just joking – but it wouldn’t surprise me lol!

Anyway, I’m taking advantage of the cooler weather and I’m off next door to cut the sixty foot hedge, it’s at least six feet high and over three feet wide, so besides my battery hedge cutter, I will need steps and a broom. The battery hedge cutter only does two thirds of it before it cuts out, ( I have to be very careful what I say here as Mrs H bought it for my birthday a couple of years ago, and I do like my private parts where they are situated at the moment), I then have to revert to using an extension lead and the electric trimmers – hey ho – such is life.

Well the old boy next door was in jovial mood at least, he sat on the bench next door chatting away like a good un, then I found out why, he was off to the pub with his mate for a pint and a platter, while I was cutting the 100foot hedge for him! I don’t really blame him though, he’s on his own most of the time so good luck to the chap.

The battery cutter only lasted about a third of the hedge, so I had to get the extension lead out and the electric cutter, such is life eh!. By the time he got back from the pub you couldn’t even see that I’d been there, I’m such a tidy chap lol. I went back home to search the website for another battery trimmer.

Aol did a poll today to see if the UK thought their Government had been too hasty in easing the lockdown, an astounding 96.5% said yes, There were 49 deaths again today and the sudden rise in new cases is causing concern, today it was 950.

Friday 07/08/2020 – Day 145

Woke up this morning at 5.45 am with the song ‘We’re Having a Heatwave’ rolling around in the space in my head where my brain used to be. The sun was hiding behind clouds but it was so darn hot!

I was having a day harry pottering as there wasn’t much else to do, I was getting the weeds out of my lawn thinking that I must get a new hedge trimmer, we have several accounts like Paypal etc, then I thought – Do I really want to put it on tick – this was a way of paying later when I was a nipper, my mum could never have survived  without the grocer around the corner allowing her tick, when I think about it, his money was never his own as Mum would start the tick on Monday and then pay it on Friday (pay day for dad) Then, come Monday the process would start all over again,

When I was a lad in the fifties Whitsun was the second highest event after Christmas, I came from a large family  but all of us who were at school would be kitted out with a new school uniform, when I say uniform this would consist of new trousers (short or long according to age) a new shirt and if the budget allowed new shoes, the budget never stretched to the posh blazers with the school badge on that some of my friends would wear,  the girls would have new school Summer dresses and again, if funds allowed, new shoes.

To kit out at least six children (the others would be too young or too old) cost an arm and a leg, so my mum got vouchers from either the Provident or Shopacheck, this was a way of spreading the cost over a few months until perhaps November when she would do the same again for Christmas, it was a permanent roller coaster of debt. Everything in those days was on the tick or the ‘Never never’.

The TV was on the never never as well, Mum would rent it from Russells in Coventry street, to pay the rent there was a meter fitted to the back which took one shilling coins, in all fairness, when they came to empty it if there was more than the rent they would give the excess back, a bit of a bonus for mum!

In a way, the gas was also on the tick, My dear old mum, when hard pressed would get the coal hammer and a top off the sterilised milk, she would expertly flatten the top until the size of  a shilling piece, then it just dropped into the meter perfectly, she only did this because a kind hearted chap from the estate would empty the meter for the Gas board, his name was Edgar Morris, he would give my mum a mild ticking off as he emptied the coins interspersed with milk bottle tops onto the table, but there was always a little bit over, ten shilling in those days would feed us all for a couple of days, the only thing she had to worry about was if Edgar was ill and someone else had to empty it. I can’t ever remember my mother trying the same trick with the electric though.

Most of our furniture came courtesy of the never never as well, there was a furniture store in Kidderminster called Noakes if I remember rightly, I think their shop was once in Blackwell street but then they moved to Worcester street, I can’t remember mum ever going anywhere else. We had a formica table and chairs with a matching radiogram which took pride of place in our ‘best’ front room. My mum was so proud of that set, if anyone called she would accidently leave the lounge door wide open so the table and radiogram were in full view, if it was night time she would accidently leave the light on lol!

Even our annual day trip  came on the tick in a way, someone from the local tenants committee would come round every week starting just after Christmas, they would collect a few bob or more – depending on the size of the family- and it would go towards the daytrip in July or August to either Rhyl, Weston or Southport.

When that was out of the way it was time to join Mr Bagleys (the grocer) Christmas club, this would ensure you got enough food over the festive period, he would issue the customer with a card and for every half -crown saved he would put a stamp in the square, you could then trade it in when the time was nearer, he wasn’t that daft though, this meant that he also got your trade over one of the busiest times of the year. The most expensive outlay of course was the turkey, for a family our size you needed at least a 20 pounder (10Kilo), I can’t remember where mum got ours from, but I do remember on Christmas eve it would turn up from nowhere complete with feathers and sometimes the head!

A sudden rise in deaths to 98 today, there were also 871 new cases reported.

Saturday 08/08/2020 – Day 146

Up with the lark this morning and full of energy, straight downstairs for the five Weetabix consumption to get back on track (well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it), problem is that I can’t get enough milk in the bowl for five Weetabix, by the time I get back upstairs to the computer it has solidified and I eat it in slices!

Did I tell you that Mrs H has got us both on a diet, well to be quite honest Mrs H has gone on a diet and unless I starve to death then I must join her, in actual fact I really do need to lose a stone and a bit more. So we are on a strict diet, this doesn’t of course affect my breakfast as it’s quite healthy anyway, but not the dozen or so (low estimate) buttermints that I tend to suck into oblivion before lunch, So basically those have to go and I am restricting myself to about half a dozen a day as opposed  to the packet a day (low estimate) that I am gorging down myself now, I have this awful feeling that I’m going to imitate the secret lemonade drinker in the R Whites advert, at 2.00 am I shall be creeping downstairs for a buttermint!

Mind you, Mrs H is a dab hand at knocking up a healthy meal from next to nought, in fact she is so good that I’m beginning to question her age, was she actually about during the rationing years, I wouldn’t say that to her of course, Mrs H like most women around 65 is very funny about letting people know her age – oops!

For tea we had a steak, baked potato and vegetables all steamed of course, none of that boiling or frying in our house, we are on a diet.

I’m quite excited, I have today completed my third poetry book on Amazon, just need them to check it now before release, watch this space!

There were 55 further deaths and 758 new cases registered today, Preston continues to face problems with their young people ignoring the rules according to Sky news this afternoon.

Well, that’s me for another week, hopefully I shall return next week a former shadow of myself, or at least two pounds lighter – now, where did I put those Buttermints.

It’s been emotional!