Full Time Carer
Watch this postHi. I’m a full-time Carer for my Mum of 98yrs, I do have help from my lovely husband, we all live together, Mum is downstairs & we are upstairs in our own flat upstairs so all works well :0)) but our life isn’t our own, haven’t been away for 4yrs now.
To have carers in is so expensive, I have two brothers but it is still left to us to care for her, makes me sad as they can swan off on holiday whenever they like, they have all the time to go out & enjoy themselves, while we are stuck indoors with my Mum, she is very hard of hearing, eyesight not very good & disabled & can only walk with a walker, have to do nearly everything for her, she still manages to wash & dress herself with difficulty at the moment.
Luckily we have our Photography to keep us sane LOL & go out once a month to a Camera Club.
Thanks for listening to all my problems in looking after my ageing parent seeing we ageing ourselves LOL xx
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I'm afraid I would also urge you to check out your mother's will. If your brothers are doing NO caring (and refuse to pay for respite care), then YOU should be 'paid' by your mum to provide her care while she is alive, so that whatever is then left when, sadly, she passes away, even if it is divided equally between you and your brothers, will NOT seem like your brothers did stuff all and yet got her money when she died. JUST not fair.
That may seem very venal, but why should they get equal dibs with you, if they don't do anything for your mum, but you do everything?
It's very easy for brothers to assume 'oh, caring is what sisters do ..... not my problem'. (I know that's very unfair for all the 'good' brothers out there, but it happens!)
I totally empathise with you though as it must be really challenging to be her full time carer.
Such a shame your brothers won't give you a break ... perhaps for their new year's resolution it should be for them to each give you a break, and either step in or pay for a respite carer... everyone needs a holiday 🙂
Fingers crossed!
Carers need time off even when they are caring for family - if you don't look after your own physical and mental health how will you be able to look after your mum?
Maybe mention that to your brothers - what would happen if you are taken ill? But don't pussy-foot around the conversation and become bitter - just ask your brothers outright if they will either provide respite care themselves or pay for someone else to do it.
If you're brothers can not spare the time to help and are unwilling to give up their own holidays they should contribute to respite care costs.
Have you asked social services what help they can offer?
You need to consider your own health and so do your brothers.