Curriculum Vitae Extraordinaire

Curriculum Vitae Extraordinaire

Dear Sir/Madam, please find enclosed, my CV for you to read
In answer to your advert, I’m just the human resource you need
I can match all of the requirements to fill your company’s vacancy
I have lots of skills and attributes that make me stand out you see

I’m good at self motivation and I work well within a team
I can handle stress and pressure without the need to shout or scream
I can communicate, coordinate, organise and trouble-shoot
I can portray a corporate image, whether dressed casual or in a suit

I’m great at multi-tasking, a must in this day and age
I’m as shrewd and wily as a fox and as wise as an old sage
If you want friendly and outgoing, someone who is customer aware
Then I’m the only one you need to fill your empty chair

I can analyse, evaluate, on challenges I really thrive
I’m organised and tidy; I can work flex or nine to five
I would work my little socks off and my fingers to the bone
I won’t misuse the Internet or spend all day texting on my phone

I’m numerate and literate, with great interpersonal skill
I’m a just do it kind of person, got no time for standing still
I know my way around a keyboard, I write clear and very neat
There’s very little I can’t do with a word document or spreadsheet

I can train, assist or supervise, maintain data and statistics
I can create reports and get involved with all types of logistics
I’ve planned, performed and overseen lots of projects big and small
I always go the extra mile and my eye is always on the ball

I’m quick to learn new systems and see that standards are always high
I’m always full of bright ideas because my thinking is blue sky
I have a sensitive awareness, good manners and I’m polite
Not backward in coming forward if something wrong needs putting right

I know all about data protection, confidentiality and all that stuff
My head is full of knowledge and I can never get enough
I have commercial acumen; I really know what’s what
I have my finger on the pulse, and never ever say ‘cannot’

My efforts and application and my hard work never waivers
I’ll be there with my boots blacked if anyone needs any favours
I have an attention to detail that is really second to none
I’ve a real keen sense of humour; I’m up for a laugh and having fun

I’m conscientious, approachable, and someone with strengths galore
I can work with all and sundry from boardroom to the shop floor
Friendly, and outgoing, with a very cheerful disposition
I’m someone whose services would be the perfect acquisition

I have listed my qualifications and it’s clear for you to see
I’ve been very well educated, and to a very high degree
I paid attention to my teachers all the time I was at school
I never got into trouble, and never broke one single rule

If you are looking for a person with professional qualities
Someone who will fit in with all your existing employees
Then I think I am the person who ticks all the boxes on your list
I’m am the perfect applicant; I’m an opportunity not to be missed

It would broaden my horizons if I came to work for you
So I’d be pleased to get your letter inviting me for an interview
I’m sure I’d be an asset, with my expertise and flare
I’m certain you must be thinking I am the answer to your prayer

But if I’m so great, I hear you ask, why am I not gainfully employed
Well I must say that very fact has left me feeling quite annoyed
I’ve not been sacked, or reprimanded, or been involved in any crime
I’m just being made redundant and put out to grass before my time.

© Kes.