My Ageing Parent

My mum had a stroke last year, and has had issues with mobility too since a hip operation. My dad is looking after her. They have always done things together.. Since the stroke, he has been doing more things for my mum. My dad has high blood pressure and has got more anxious. If I suggest a break from my mum, what is he going to do? When my mum was in hospital he didn't know what to do with himself. I'm worried he will crash and burn. Does anybody have any advice?

Hi everyone, I'm hoping there are some people that can help me and offer some much needed advice please. I am currently looking to move my mother into a care home as she is unable to live at home alone any more (unfortunately I'm not able to care for her). Does anyone have any experience in this? I'd love to chat to people that have gone through the process and can offer some guidance - I want her to be in the best pace but it all seems very confusing to me on how to determine where is best. Thanks in advance!

So - we have just heard that my MIL is critical & may not last the night. She lives further away than we could drive there & back in a day, and there is really no point in my OH driving up tonight - my MIL has been away from reality for about 8 years - she does not know what C19 is, which in a way is rather a blessing. With the lockdown restrictions, my OH had booked with the care home to see her next week - the earliest they would allow, but alas, probably too late now. (He had also booked to stay in a hotel overnight, because of the distance.) But - and I'm going to sound awful here - but, I really don't want to go to her funeral, because of the travelling & staying overnight. My SIL & her OH came to my mother's funeral, but that was 20 mins drive and before C19. I would say, has anyone here had a similar experience, and what did they do, but I don't think that would be the case, as the restrictions on funeral numbers have only just been lifted. But all advice would be welcome (even/especially if it's telling me not to be such a wuss).

During these difficult times, I have found myself looking at the world quite differently. Being a Mum, daughter and wife all I want to do is keep my family as safe as possible. My elderly Mum, lives alone and is self-isolating, and we have a chat over the phone every day to check on each other. She enjoys listening to the shenanigans of what the kids have been up to. My main concern is her safety within her home. Each year she is getting a bit more frail and I worry about her falling and not knowing about it until our phone call the next day. I have found a little battery operated light which has a motion sensor in it. I ordered it for her and this company https://www.mrbeams.co.uk/products/universal-night-light-pack-of-2-mb720/ even set it up for her prior to dispatch. She puts them by her bed and along the hall and into the bathroom. At least now when she needs to go to the bathroom at night, she doesn’t have to fumble for the mains lighting. As soon as she gets out of bed, her room is illuminated and she can see where she is going. We all have lots of worries to contend with, some we can’t overcome but I feel a little less stressed overnight now. Anything we can do to stop the potential trips and falls to take the burden off the NHS is a positive in my mind.

Hi. I’m a full-time Carer for my Mum of 98yrs, I do have help from my lovely husband, we all live together, Mum is downstairs & we are upstairs in our own flat upstairs so all works well :0)) but our life isn’t our own, haven’t been away for 4yrs now. To have carers in is so expensive, I have two brothers but it is still left to us to care for her, makes me sad as they can swan off on holiday whenever they like, they have all the time to go out & enjoy themselves, while we are stuck indoors with my Mum, she is very hard of hearing, eyesight not very good & disabled & can only walk with a walker, have to do nearly everything for her, she still manages to wash & dress herself with difficulty at the moment. Luckily we have our Photography to keep us sane LOL & go out once a month to a Camera Club. Thanks for listening to all my problems in looking after my ageing parent seeing we ageing ourselves LOL xx

Hi all, My Mother In Law, is 94 yrs old and lives independently alone. She is becoming more and more frail and has just had another fall,having had a few other falls in the last 6 mths. She was rushed to hospital yesterday after my sister in law discovered her on the floor hallway. She has now got a fractured hip and is being operated on today. I am married to her son, and she also has two daughters. We all live close by,but all work full time too so don't visit that often. We're now wondering what's best for her. Personally (Having worked in aged care myself a few yrs ago) that she needs a residential home type setting, as its now apparent she can't really stay where she is. My MIL however will not discuss it. She wants to remain where she is, and I understand that totally. I just don't think its feasible for her or safe. She had a bad fall last September, the day after our daughter's wedding (She didn't attend, too frail). We had planned a busy day too, packing etc for a trip away for 2 weeks, and chores around the house, but instead spent the whole day at her house waiting for the paramedics, then following the ambulance to the hospital, and we never got home until very late that night. We are on holiday right now (About to go away) and last night got the call from SIL to say Mum had been found on the floor and was now in hospital. SIL had taken her recently to be assessed mobility wise, and my MIL got to the appt, to then refuse to be seen. Probably scared the professionals would say she was incapable of staying living where she is. I'm wondering though, at what point do we intervene and can we? I feel the MIL has the onslaught of Dementia (Becoming forgetful,keeps going back in time thinking its the present time etc). When she returns from hospital,she will no doubt be living back in her own home,but we will of course worry sick that something untoward will happen again. A neighbour recently found my MIL outside at night,just wearing her pj's. It's very sad. Can we speak to someone about this? When does it get to a point where elderly people are actually admitted into a residential home/nursing home? Tia

I've seen & visited people in nursing homes and can't help to think in 10 years from now I'll be going there

I like to hear from others what there concern is with living alone in family home. Do you feel safe with steps, and driving? Is home getting harder to maintain?

It seems to be an impossible topic, one that can only upset if broached by a son or daughter. But when is the right time to move somewhere where there is likely to be more care? I received a brochure recently from  Mickle Hill retirement village in Pickering, Yorkshire - looks really nice. But what is it actually like to live there? How can I sensitively talk to my parents about the possibility of moving there?

We are discussing our end-of-life options in the family. Our parents are elderly and unwilling to do so, the three of us (their children, all retired) are far more pragmatic. We all believe that 'knowing' what to do when we need to will help. Any advice how to deal with this challenge please?