When I’m Eighty-Four

Sing along to my parody of The Beatles’ ‘When I’m Sixty Four’. Revised and updated to reflect the fact that Paul is now 81 and Ringo 82. How did that happen?!

When I’m Eighty-Four

Now that I’m old and falling to bits
‘Though I’ve still got hair,
Fast approaching is the day when I will need
24 hour round-the-clock-care.
If I can’t hold my booze anymore
And pee all over the floor,
Will you still need me? Will you still feed me?
When I’m 84.

I used to be happy mending a fuse
And doing DIY.
Now my eyes are dim and I can hardly see.
What the hell is happening to me?
I’ve got lumbago, my hips are both shot,
I can’t kneel down anymore.
Do you still need me? Will you still feed me?
Now I’m nearly 84.

Every Summer we would rent a cottage on the Isle of Wight
When it wasn’t too dear.
We were both so young.
Swimming, hiking, foolin’ around,
Now those days are gone……..

What do you think? We’ve come a long way
And I’m hanging by a thread.
I used to rock and roll a-long into the night,
Now it’s cocoa and fall into bed.
Incontinence pads are provided for me
Who could ask for more?
So will you still need me? Will you spoon-feed me?
WHEN I’M EIGHTY FOUR.