The Twitcher

Richard was idly contemplating his ill-fortune in being given his name. Richard Head.

Forever to be known as Dick Head. He even went through a time when he called himself Richard Hedly but that got complicated with his bank and authority in general.

An introvert, balding, loner of a man in his mid-fifties he reckoned he’d heard all the unfeeling, uncaring ‘dick head’ jokes there were.

Thanks for that, Mum and Dad, thanks a bunch.

It should have been his lunch break but Amanda, his assistant had taken the day off so he was on his own, fortunately it was mid-week and a quiet day. He was just adding milk to his freshly made coffee and was about to tuck into the cheese and tomato sandwiches he made and brought to work every day, when he heard them come into the shop. There were three of them and they looked, to use his regional manager’s phraseology, ‘rough as a bag of spanners’.

He left his lunch, annoyed his coffee would go cold. “Good afternoon ladies, how can I help?” He asked without any hint of his annoyance at their intrusion.

“’ere, got any Jimmy Choos shoes?” One asked. The other two laughed raucously and the brandy fumes wafted over him. He’d like a tenner for every time he’d been asked that, and they couldn’t afford them even if he did.

“No ladies, Heel ‘n’ Toe doesn’t stock those. However, I’m sure we have something suitable. What style and size were you looking for?”

One of them leaned close to him. He could clearly see the black rooted, back-combed, bleached hair, mutilated into no style any hairdresser would know. His nose almost wrinkled at the combined pungency of her cheap perfume, cheap hair lacquer, tobacco, sweat and brandy. She looked at his name badge.

“Woss the ‘R’ stand for?”

He’d had enough of her already.

“Robert.” He lied.

“Well then, Robert Head, my friends, Cynthia, Madge and me would like some sling-backs, ‘cos we’re off to see a show in London, so, we gotta look the part. Wotcha got then?”
“I’ll bring a selection. What sizes are we looking for?”

“Four, five and seven. Cynthia’s got the big ones, ‘ere, an’ it’s not just her feet!” He left them to enjoy their little joke. As he passed his coffee he took a quick sip.

Richard carried six boxes and returned to the trio who were all sitting side by side on the seats. He placed the boxes on the floor and brought out three of the most garish styles the shop carried.

“Oh I like those! ‘ere, let me try ‘em on!” Madge screamed.

“Yes, I thought you might…” Richard agreed but inwardly thought, ‘these shoes exactly match your cheap, tacky personality’.

“Go on Madge, try ‘em on, go on!” Lil badgered. “Go on Robert, get down there and give her a hand, no looking up her skirt mind!” Then she added, “Go on Madge, give him your Sharon Stone flash!”

Richard always felt awkward about assisting ladies to try on shoes. He had to keep his eyes averted. He’d dealt with this sort before so, he’d get rid as quickly as possible.
“’ere, I know you!” He heard one of them say. “As soon as I clapped eyes on you I thought, I know ‘im!”

“I don’t think so.” Richard said and he could feel his face reddening. Of course she knew him, they lived a couple of doors away from each other as kids, went to the same school, she was Cynthia, Cynthia Christmas.

“Yes I do, you’re Dickie, old Dick Head from the estate, I’m Cynthia, don’t you remember, Albion Street? We went to school together. Well, well fancy seeing you after all these years.” She looked him over and he knew what she was thinking, then she said it. “ You ain’t changed much, except for the hair, or at least the lack of it.”

“Does that mean we get a discount, ‘cos you know her, ‘cos you was like, kids an’ that? I’d have said you was quite a bit older though.” This came from Lil who had by now struggled into a pair of pink sequinned sling- backs. “Are you sure it’s ’im?” She said admiring her feet, “‘cos I like the look of these. Yeah, these are dead me these are, go on then, give us a good price an’ I’ll have them! What’re you getting girls?”

“Yeah me too but I’ll have a pair of the silver ones.”

“Excellent choice. And you Madame?” He asked Cynthia. Cynthia shook her head. Richard then added, “I expect you’re off to get some posh frocks now eh?” All the while he hoped they would leave quickly, the last thing he wanted was to reminisce over a childhood and the school days he hated.

“Hey, yeah, we’d better catch Peacocks. Come on we’ve only got a couple of hours to find something. Cynthia, use your card to pay and we’ll square up later! Come and find us or we’ll see you in the Butchers Arms later, okay?”

“I can do this very quickly, you can wait for Cyn…your friend if you like, I’ll be quick.”

Madge touched Richard’s arm as though she was about to impart something secret to him, but she said very loudly, “That’s what my fella said last night…an’ he was too, if I’d blinked I’d have missed it!” She turned and grabbed Lil’s arm. “Come on Lil, we’ve got frocks to get, see ya later Cynth’.”

Richard collected the shoes and rang up the sale. Now he was alone with Cynthia. He could feel Cynthia’s eyes on him and he felt embarrassed.

“Well,” she said, “fancy us meeting after all these years. Are you well, has life given you what you wanted? I know it hasn’t for me, you know how it is for most people, marriage, kids, divorce…life’s crap really isn’t it?”

He offered her the credit card terminal and she placed her card in. As they waited for the transaction he replied. “No, I’m okay thanks. Never married, but still, I’ve got my birds.”
“Oh, you keep birds?”

“No, no, I study them, watchh them, I’m a twitcher…”

“You can get that fixed on the NHS now…” She said but her attempt at a joke trailed off to nothing, the joke had died.

“We had some good times as kids didn’t we, eh?”

“No Cynthia, I had a dreadful time. I was always the butt of everyone else’s jokes and I was bullied mercilessly, then, when my parents died and I went into care it became even worse, so it’s a part of my life I would rather not recall thanks. There’s your receipt, thank you for your custom.”

“Oh, right, yes, thanks.” Cynthia felt as though she had been dismissed, just another customer. “Right then, I’ll get off. Better catch up with the others.” She picked up the bag containing the shoes and turned to leave. “Dick…”

“It’s Richard.” He interrupted.

“Yes, yes of course, well, Richard, I was wondering if perhaps you…”

“No Cynthia, I don’t think so. Let’s leave the past where it is shall we?”

“Okay, right, yes, perhaps that’s best.” She turned and started to leave but stopped and faced him. “Look, there’s no hidden, what do they call it, agenda, but if ever you feel like a bit of company I work as a barmaid in the Beston Hotel. It’s a cut above your usual spit ‘n sawdust places, better sort of customer and it’s not rowdy…anyway, just a thought, you know I thought we could…”

“Oh, I don’t know Cynthia I’m not a drinker and well…”

“Hey listen some of our customers nurse a pint all night and I’m not suggesting you go boozing, we serve tea and coffee as well…” There was a long silence and she could see him thinking.

Cynthia suddenly turned to leave. “Maybe I’ll see you sometime. Been good to see you Richard. All the best, cheerio.”

His eyes followed her as she left the shop, he watched her figure through the shop-front glass, then she was gone. “Cynthia!” He shouted after her but she’d gone. He went back to his cheese and tomato and made some fresh coffee.

While he was washing his coffee mug someone shouted “Hello!” from the shop.

“Be there in a sec’.” He shouted, quickly dried his hands and emerged into the shop to be greeted by the sight of Cynthia again. “Oh, Cynthia…I…is there a problem? Have you changed your mind about the shoes?”

“Are you doing anything tonight?” She asked.

“No, no I’m not.”

Cynthia placed a small piece of paper on the counter.

“What’s this?” He asked.

“It’s my address and I ‘m cooking us a meal tonight, nothing fancy and no hidden agenda, just two old mates catching up. Nobody else, no kids, no dogs, no family. See you at around seven if you’re up for it?” Then Cynthia Christmas smiled, turned and left him alone in the shop.