The Tin Stories

This story is one of my first and has been accepted for publication in India … it is copyright protected so please enjoy it but don’t make any copies … 

It may surprise you to know that Biscuits have a life of their own. Perhaps you already knew that? Or perhaps you don’t believe me. It really doesn’t matter either way for it is good to sometimes see things from a different viewpoint, whether that viewpoint is real or not.

This is the story of Garry, a young Biscuit who is still in his packet. In his prime and looking forward to getting off the shelf and starting life’s journey. It is also about Mrs. Amy Stout who loves biscuits and is on her way to the shops to buy some more. Every morning she sets the kitchen table the same way she has for the last fifty years. First the table is cleaned and polished then a clean white cloth is laid out. On this is placed a small crystal vase with a few wild flowers from her garden. Amy only sets the table for one person. It used to be for two when her husband was alive. Once it was five when the triplets were growing up. Now the triplets have homes of their own so it is for one. Sometimes a friend may pop in for a cup of tea so Amy always puts out a big plate of biscuits next to the vase. On the other side of the vase goes the tea tray with its small tea pot, milk jug and sugar bowl. This would be whisked into the kitchen if a visitor should call. Then out would come the best china including some small side plates for the biscuits. Garry didn’t know it yet but this was to be his new home. Biscuits are very sociable creatures and love to chat with other biscuits. As you probably know biscuits are naturally short sighted and normally could only see from one side of a plate to the other. As if to make up for this they have very good hearing and a keen sense of smell. They don’t speak like we do, their’s is a kind of telepathy. On the shelf in the supermarket Garry was chatting away to the biscuit next to him in his packet about how hot it was in the bakery and wasn’t this just the best adventure ever. Garry was at the top of the packet and very nervous. All biscuits know that the top or bottom of a packet is more dangerous than being in the middle. Many Biscuits are broken before their packet is even opened.
‘Hold on’ Garry whispered ‘I can here a trolley coming’.

Sure enough Amy Stout was coming down the aisle. Garry listened carefully as the trolley stopped. Then came the sharp crackling sound of packets being taken from the shelf. Garry was so excited he thought he might ‘crumb’ himself. Garry felt his packet suddenly lift then settle again. Then he felt the vibrations of the trolley moving away to the checkout. Amy Stout did her own packing of the shopping into her wheeled basket and was very careful with the biscuits. Garry was used to the sounds and smells of the bakery so the noise of the traffic and the bus journey on the way to Amy’s house was a bit confusing. It was a relief when Amy’s front door opened and closed and everything went quiet. Then Garry and the other Biscuits heard a strange new sound. It was Amy singing as she put away the shopping. It went like this ;

Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, We’ll all have tea.
Sukey take it off again, Sukey take it off again, Sukey take it off again, They’ve all gone away.

‘There’s just so much to learn in this strange new world’ said Garry to no one in particular.
‘I wish you’d stop being so cheerful’ said the Biscuit next to Garry.

Before Garry could answer he felt the packet lift again and heard a loud crackle as the top of the packet was carefully opened. This was a great relief as he had silently feared that the other end of the packet might be opened first which would make him the last one out. The next few moments were a blur as Garry was taken from the packet and gently placed on a plate with a whole selection of other different Biscuits. He was the only Garibaldi on the plate and no more appeared.

‘They must be still in the packet’ thought Garry as he looked around at his new home. He had been placed between a Bourbon and a Ginger Biscuit.

‘Don’t talk to me’ said the Ginger Biscuit whose name was Snappy.

‘Hi there, my names Choc.’ Said the Bourbon Biscuit ‘Don’t worry about Snappy, he’s always a bit grumpy in the mornings. He’ll relax after tea time this evening. He worries so much about ‘The Five’ that he never enjoys anything.

‘How sad’ said Garry ‘ I mean, how sad not to enjoy anything. I have never heard of ‘The Five’. Is it five hungry mice ? We had some fearful mice at the bakery. Always out to nibble at you.’

‘No’ said Choc ‘It’s nothing to do with mice. We never talk about ‘The Five’ when we are plate-side. Wait until this evening when we go to the tin.’

‘This is great’ said Garry ‘Thanks for talking to me. Especially as I’m just a plate-side newbie with a lot to learn.’

‘You’ll be fine’ said Choc ‘You see those three show offs in the middle. All covered in chocolate and looking so smug?’

Garry looked and saw three chocolate digestives in the middle of the plate.

‘Yes, I see them’ said Garry. ‘They look very proud of themselves’

‘Proud indeed but underneath they are just ordinary digestives.’ replied Choc.’They are so proud of how they look that they don’t realise they will be the first to go. It pays not to get noticed around here. I keep my chocolate on the inside.’

‘Who are all the others?’ asked Garry.

‘Over there, right on the other side’ said Choc ‘You see that big rough looking oatmeal?’

‘Yes’ said Garry ‘he’s very loud isn’t he. He seems to be making fun of the Biscuit next to him’

‘That’s the one’ said Choc ‘ His name is Bran and he thinks he’s a real tough cookie. He’s making fun of Fluff, that’s the Lemon puff next to him. When this evening comes and we are all back in the tin he won’t be so brave. Biscuits like him are always the first to ‘crumb’ themselves when it all go’s pitch black and one of the Elders start telling a scary story. All Biscuit’s are equal in the tin once the lid is on.’

‘Are there stories every night?’asked Garry.

‘Oh yes’ said Choc’ That is how we pass on everything we have learned to newbies like yourself. One day you may be an Elder telling stories to other newbies. At the moment the senior Elder is Lefty. We call him that because half of him is missing, he is all that’s left. You’ll meet him tonight. Now let’s finish showing you the others. You see that pink wafer next to Fluff, that’s Rose. She’s a lovely biscuit, very kind. Then in-between Rose and myself is Shortie, he’s an old fashioned shortbread and doesn’t like show offs. Now look back at Bran, on the other side of him from Fluff is Cuthbert, he’s a custard cream. Then there’s Dodger, he’s the one with jam in. Then in-between Dodger and Snappy is Richard, he’s a rich tea biscuit. That just leaves the three in the middle, they haven’t spoken to any of us other biscuits so I don’t know their names.’

‘ Thanks Choc ‘ said Garry ‘ that’s a lot to remember. Do you know where my friends in the packet have gone ?’

‘ Packets usually go on the shelf next to the tin, in the wall box, ‘ said Choc ‘once you’re out of the packet you don’t go back. Once you’ve been plate-side the tin is where you go every night.’

As Garry was pondering all that he had learned his revery was shattered by a loud bell playing a musical tune.
‘What’s that?’ he asked Choc.

‘That’ said Choc ‘ means you might get to find out about ‘The Five’ sooner than I would have liked. Now stay quiet and whatever happens don’t scream.’

For the first time in his life Garry was afraid. With good reason though he didn’t know why. The loud bell was Amy’s front door bell which usually meant there would be a visitor. Visitors meant tea and tea meant biscuits. Choc knew when he heard the chink-chink noise that ‘The Five’ would be here soon. The chink-chink noise was Amy picking up the tray with the tea set on.

Choc whispered to Garry ‘You might want to go dark for a while. I’ll let you know when it’s alright to brighten again.’

When a biscuit ‘go’s dark’ they stop themselves seeing things and when they ‘brighten’ they bring their sight back.

‘That’s alright.’ said Garry who wouldn’t have missed this for the Bakery.

Now there was no chatter on the plate. Even Bran had gone quiet, he somehow looked smaller and less full of himself. There was another chink-chink noise as the tea tray came back. Then more noises much nearer as two side plates and two cups and saucers were placed on the table. Garry sensed a curious warm smell as tea was poured into the cups and in the distance he heard low rumbling sounds as Amy spoke with her friend. Then all went very quiet and on hearing a slight gasp from the other biscuits Garry looked up and saw ‘The Five’ . They were hovering above the plate and moving round in a circle as if deciding who to take. They were round and ugly looking with funny polished bits on the ends and they all seemed to join up in the dark somewhere at the back. Suddenly they dived down and grabbed a chocolate digestive. It was the most terrible thing Garry had ever seen. Then it was gone. The other two chocolate digestives were whimpering now. Garry heard a far off crunching sound that was very unpleasant though he couldn’t quite say why. The horrible crunching sounds eventually faded away. That is when the disgusting slurping and gulping sounds began. Amy and her friend were noisy tea drinkers. When it went quiet for the second time Garry looked up just in time to see ‘The Five’ gliding slowly in from out of the darkness. Once again the pink monsters circled slowly. They pounced again taking another chocolate digestive. Garry hoped that it had ‘gone dark’ before being grabbed. The horrible crunching began again and then the disgusting slurping and gulping sounds. The low rumbling sounds came back and this time went on for hours before stopping. They eventually heard the front door open then close and peace returned. The Biscuits started chatting quietly and tried to comfort the last chocolate digestive who was in a terrible state.

Choc spoke gently to Garry ‘ I think it’s all for the best that you saw ‘The Five’ for yourself this way. If you had heard about them in the tin you would have worried all night.’

Amy Stout was in the kitchen washing up the tea things. When she had finished Amy went to a kitchen draw and took out a pair of plastic ‘cake tongs’ . Amy didn’t like to handle food that she wasn’t about to eat so she used the tongs to pick up the Biscuits from the plate and put them in the tin at the end of every day. Amy put the tongs in a large pocket on the front of the paisley coloured pinafore she always wore when working in the kitchen. That done she crossed the room and opened the food cupboard where the Biscuit tin was kept. It was a fine old large tin decorated with a Union Jack flag and a picture of young Queen Elizabeth. Across the lid was the word ‘Coronation’ and the date ‘1953’. Amy placed the tin on the worktop under the cupboard and removed the lid. Placing the lid upside down next to the tin. Amy then reached for her tongs and used them to take out all the Biscuits from the tin and place them in the lid. Amy didn’t like to waste anything so she didn’t throw away any broken Biscuits. The crumbs in the tin were tipped into a glass jar and sealed. Amy used the crumbs when she did her favourite cheesecake recipe. When the glass jar was back in the cupboard Amy replaced the Biscuits from the tin lid then went to the front room to fetch the Biscuit plate. Amy liked to put the Biscuits away before setting the table for supper. That way she wasn’t tempted to nibble away in the evenings. Her pinafore had been getting a bit tight lately so she only used the Biscuits for her visitors.
Garry had noticed that now all the excitement was over Snappy had started to cheer up.

‘Well I’ll be double-baked’ said Snappy ‘ I was sure I was a gonner that time.’

Richard sighed and said ‘We tell you every day not to waste your life worrying. Biscuits don’t last forever so make the most of everything.’

‘I know’ said Snappy ‘ I can’t help it. Ever since Lefty told us about the ‘Cave of the White Biscuits’ I can’t stop worrying.’

Even the mention of the ‘Cave of the White Biscuits’ seemed to put Snappy back in a sulk.

Before Garry could ask about the ‘Cave of the White Biscuits’ Choc said ‘ I suppose now is as good a time as any to explain. When Lefty was last plate-side long long ago he was taken by ‘The Five’ . The way he tells it is he was carried to a place where there were five caves. The two caves at the the top were slightly apart and had things moving in them. Big round shiny wet things and when one of them moved the other one copied it. Well if that had been me I would have ‘gone dark’ right then but Lefty didn’t. As Lefty looked down he saw two very small caves that didn’t seem to be doing anything, they were right in the middle of the soft wall and close together. The worst was yet to come. At the bottom of the soft wall was a giant cave that opened and closed and made terrible noises. Even worse, there was a giant fat pink worm in the cave that was squirming about in some goo. Still Lefty kept looking, all around the cave were small white Biscuits jumping up and down and bashing together. What happened next was terrible. Lefty was forced into the big cave and the White Biscuits smashed down on him. As they broke him in two half of him fell on to a sea of white cloth. He lay there for hours listening to the horrible crunching and disgusting slurping and gulping sounds. Later on as he was dozing he felt himself lifted and put back on the plate. That is the story of the ‘Cave of the White Biscuits’. Lefty is the only one to come back from there and I believe every word he said.’

Choc was silent for a while to let this all sink in and Garry was too shocked to say a single word.
The silence was broken when Amy arrived and carried the Biscuit plate back to the kitchen.

‘Don’t worry when you get picked up by the grabbers’ said Choc ‘ they only put you in the tin and they are very gentle.’

Amy used the tongs to put the Biscuits in the tin, she left the delicate ones till last so they wouldn’t be crushed by the others. When they were all safely in the tin the lid was put on. Then she opened the cupboard and put the tin back on the shelf.

Inside the tin the only sound was Lefty welcoming the newbies and trying to comfort the surviving chocolate digestive. It turned out that her name was Cocoa.

‘It is a sad day for us all when we loose one of our number Cocoa’ said Lefty ‘but worse for you who was their friend.’

This was when Garry realised that he was listening to a conversation that was outside of his personal space. Before the lid had gone on Garry had seen that he was still between Snappy and Choc. Cocoa was in the middle of the tin and Lefty must have been underneath somewhere. This was all very peculiar. When Biscuits spoke to each other they could only speak to the one or two they were next to. This is so for a good reason, it is because of their telepathy. If they were able to hear conversations from a wider area then it would be all jumbled up. Like trying to listen to a dozen radios all tuned to different stations. So how come he was listening to Lefty talking to Cocoa. When Lefty was quiet Garry put the question to Choc.

‘I wondered how long it would take you to notice’ replied Choc ‘ some newbies don’t notice at all. I can see that you will go far. It is a gift that Lefty has. He says that it’s because of his missing half. He calls that his ‘gone’ half. According to Lefty he can still feel his missing half. Lefty reckons he can do more things with his ‘gone’ half than he ever thought possible. He can choose whether to speak to just one individual Biscuit or a whole tin at the same time. He also says he can see for great distances and even look through things to what lays beyond. Some times when he is in the tin and we are all plate-side he uses his gift to travel to places we couldn’t even begin to imagine. One day when we all returned to the tin he told us everything that had happened that day plate-side. It was the day we lost Digger. Digger was a digestive Biscuit. Lefty described how ‘The Five’ had taken Digger and how Digger had returned to the tin shortly afterwards. Only Lefty could see Digger by using his ‘gone’ half. Digger was all ‘gone’ but Lefty had seen him floating near the ‘Five Caves’ just after the ‘White Biscuits’ had taken him. Lefty couldn’t leave the tin because of his ‘solid’ half so he called to him. At first Digger couldn’t hear Lefty and he seemed to be fading away. Lefty tried really hard to make himself heard and eventually Digger started drifting towards the tin. Lefty says that Digger looked transparent, as if he was made from water. When Digger got to the tin he just drifted in, right through the wall box and the tin. The two of them had a long talk and then Digger left. Lefty won’t say what they talked about. He says that it’s private, just between Digger and him.

‘Thats the most unusual story I’ve ever heard.’ said Garry.

More was to come. The evening was taken up with Lefty telling the story of how he had lost his ‘gone’ half that Garry had heard from Choc and then another story about a Chocolate chip cookie called Charlie The Explorer. Charlie had been taken by ‘The Five’ but they had dropped him. He had landed on his side and rolled across the sea of white cloth coming to rest next to another plate much like our own. As he lay there feeling a bit dizzy he heard a strange deep voice say;

‘What have we here? A strange squashed up flat thing by the look of it.’

‘I am no such thing’ said Charlie ‘I’m a Biscuit and my name is Charlie.’

‘Well I am a cake and my name is Madeira.’ the deep voice answered.

After that the two of them chatted on for ages, Charlie learned all about cakes and Madeira was told all about Biscuits. When the table was cleared Charlie was returned to the tin. Life for the Biscuits continued in this way for many a day. Every day was a perilous ordeal plate-side followed by the joy of returning to the tin for more stories before falling asleep. Eventually Lefty got broken into so many pieces that he was poured into the jar of crumbs. Choc took over as senior Elder after he had seen Lefty’s watery ‘gone’ self leave the tin for the last time. As Lefty drifted up and away he called back to Choc ; ‘I guess you could say I’m Totally Gone now.’
Garry lived in the tin long enough to learn all that it had to teach him. On the day that ‘The Five’ took him he was very calm. When detached from his Biscuit body he found it easy to drift his ‘gone’ body back to the tin to say goodbye to Choc. Because Choc didn’t have a ‘gone’ half he couldn’t see Garry but he could hear him speak. As Garry left Choc, his old friend said ‘I always knew you were special, if you see Lefty tell him I’ll find you both again one day. Then we can share some more ‘Tin Stories’ and won’t ‘they’ be something.’

Garry went on to have many more adventures and he learnt many new things. He discovered that ‘The Five’ was really a hand and the five caves were a face. The ‘Cave of the White Biscuits’ was a mouth and the white Biscuits were teeth. Things just never turned out the way you thought they would and perhaps that’s just as well.

THE END