The Slow Cooker Versus Bubble Wrap

The Slow Cooker Versus Bubble Wrap

I’ll make no bones about it.
I don’t like anything new.
I’ve had my slow cooker for many years
And wanted to make a stew.

But as I took it off the shelf
I could see that I wouldn’t be able.
The wiring cover had come away.
Could it simply need a new cable?

‘No, it’s too far gone. We’ll need a new one’
Was the final verdict.
‘But you know I don’t like new stuff’ I whined.
‘I’ll never get used to it’.

Went to the shop with the permanent sale
I looked for SIMPLE and EASY.
He looked for the ones with buttons and choice.
I was starting to feel very queasy.

We got the thing home and, like a new toy
He marvelled at what it could do.
Searing and braising and steaming. Cook rice.
A ‘Yoghurt’ function, too. (What????)

But all I want is to turn it on low
And come back eight hours later.
As long as it cooks veggies and meat
And basic things, like a ‘tater.

The thing with ‘new’ is you have to switch off
Your ‘auto-pilot’ mode.
Do a bit of figuring out –
But my brain cell might explode.

‘You really are a Luddite’
He said with a withering look.
‘Pull yourself together
And read the instruction book’. (Yeah, right).

Three months later and it’s still unused
And taking up room on the shelf.
Gathering dust, unloved and forlorn.
I’ll own up – I blame myself.

I kept the box it came in
What joy when I pulled up a flap
And saw a long sheet of heavenly,
Plastic bubble wrap.

There’s nothing I like better
(On my list it’s right at the top)
Than switching off my brain cell
And going ‘pop, pop, pop, pop, pop’.

It’s very soporific
And should be done in bed.
No sleep meds required.
Use bubble wrap instead.

So which one is more useful?
Consider if you will…
The too-high-tech slow cooker
Or the bubble wrap sleeping pill.