The Santa Claus Application

Is it too late to apply?

The Santa Claus Application

It was fast approaching Christmas and a Santa was the need.
The store put out an advert for the applicants to read.
Within the job description, they made it very clear,
that the attributes for Santa Claus would need to be sincere.

The Advert

Wanted, one fine Santa, rotund and full of fun,
complete with elves and reindeer, authentic, every one!
A charming rosy appearance and a kind and loving face,
with a jolly disposition and nature full of grace.

Your hair must be luxurious and white as driven snow,
with matching snowy whiskers and a friendly HO HO HO!
Shiny boots and deep red pants and a tunic edged with white,
As Santa you must look your best to give each child delight.

The closing date is very soon, so hurry to apply,
we hope to interview next week unless things go awry.
We hope your sleigh is in good nick and your permits still in date,
don’t forget to send C.V’s, and a letter would be great!

A response

I’ve seen your advert for Santa Claus, and I think I’d fit the bill,
although I look a little lean, it’s because I’ve been quite ill.
I haven’t got a natural paunch, so I’d use some stuffing there,
my curly locks are raven black, but I could dye my hair.

Although I haven’t reindeer here, I could use my faithful hound,
with antlers and a shiny nose, the resemblance would astound.
My cats could be the elves with some tweaking here and there,
the only thing they’d need for sure was some access to a chair.

Would a suit of purple do, as I haven’t red to hand?
It’s very smart and seasonal I think it’s very grand.
I have a three-wheeled cart right here, it could be my trusty sleigh,
there is tinsel tied around the edge which makes a fine display.

Further Response

Thank you for your interest shown and the photos of your pets,
the cats look lovely in their suits as elves and marionettes.
We are sorry that we must say no as your image is quite wrong,
Santa must be big and round not skinny with a thong.

The antlers on your mastiff dog are pink with leatherette,
cow horns on your three wheeled cart are crass we must regret.
Your application we must decline, we wish you all the luck,
perhaps you may suit something else where you can run amok.

Teresa Harrison-Best 2023