The Proverbial Queen

The Proverbial Queen

My Gran was the Queen of proverbs,
But I did not have a clue what she meant.
She’d say things like, “One man’s meat is another man’s poison.”
Or, “You should always eat fish during Lent.”

“You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” She said,
“And you should never buy a pig in a poke.”
Since there were not any pigs in our neighbourhood,
I laughed it off, because I thought it was a joke.

I learned that: A watched pot never boils,
And that: A pot shouldn’t call a kettle black.
I had heard about singing kettles,
But knowledge of talking pots I lacked.

One day I was showing off on my roller skates,
When I fell over and grazed my right knee.
Gran said, “Pride comes before a fall you know my dear.”
So I dried my eyes and said, “Oh dear! Silly me.”

When I asked my Gran if she could keep a secret,
She said, “A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind horse.”
I smiled and gave her a conspiratorial wink,
Although I had no idea what she meant, of course.

Once I got angry and I yelled at my poor Nan,
She said, “A soft answer turneth away the wrath.”
So I bowed my head and apologised,
Then I whispered, “I’ll just go and lay the tablecloth.”

I bought a lottery ticket one day and I said, “Tomorrow we’re going to be rich.”
She smiled and said, “Don’t count your chickens until they are hatched.”
And I replied, “But we don’t have any chickens Nan,
We live in a two bedroomed cottage that’s thatched.”

I remember once she said, “I’ve got something important to tell you,
But please don’t let the cat out of the bag.”
I said, “But Nan, we don’t own a cat!”
So she sighed and said, “I’m going outside for a fag.”

One day my Mum said, “I’m sorry but your Gran’s kicked the bucket;
She’s snuffed it; she’s popped her clogs; she’s DEAD!
I was sad, but thanks to my Grandmother’s legacy,
Thousands of proverbs still remain in my head.