The Perfect Hostess

As Christmas day draws near, Teresa Harrison-Best shares with us an amusing poem which is based on a conversation she had with a dear friend about being the perfect hostess.

The Perfect Hostess

The guests arrived quite early
for a Christmas lunch repast.
She greeted them with a glass of fizz
but hoped their drinks would last.

With the table looking elegant,
a symmetry in style,
the centre- piece was like fine art
away from rank and file.

Replenished drinks and cherished hugs,
the guests sat down to chat.
She headed to the kitchen now
to recommence combat.

With sprouts on since September
and veg all prepped and washed,
she crammed the oven to the hilt,
every nook and cranny squashed.

Lunch was served with time to spare
the spread was like a feast.
Buttons and belts were loosened off,
not to say the least.

Back and forth for this and that
she felt her patience strain.
The smile was now through gritted teeth
with an orderly refrain.

Cheese and biscuits offered now
with coffee on the side.
The umpteenth visit to the fridge,
resentment hard to hide.

Dishes scrubbed and kitchen cleaned
she joined her jolly guests.
It wasn’t long before she heard
his jovial request.

A cup of tea would go down well
he uttered to his wife.
The other guests agreed with him
which added to her strife.

She staggered in with a groaning tray
and plonked it by the chair.
Her husband mentioned Christmas cake
he got a flashing stare.

Everyone was talking now
about the Queens fine speech.
For her it was the pots and pans
and cleaning sinks with bleach.

Her husband suggested silly games
and buffet snacks to eat.
Like thunder now she left the room
muttering words I can’t repeat!

A Crash, a bang, a thump, a thud
dissension from the cook.
Appearing hot and flustered now
a rattled, ruffled look.

At half past twelve her guests decamped,
replete from all the food.
The hostess smiles and bids farewell
in a more relaxed calm mood.

Her husband then admits to her
that the guests are back for brunch.
He never saw the upper cut
and the final left hook punch!

Written by: Teresa Harrison-Best