The Appointment

The Appointment

I have made a Doc’s appointment, I’ve got a sore big toe.
I didn’t want to bother, but my husband said just go.
It wasn’t very pleasant and it started oozing pus,
but I’m not the sort of person who likes to make a fuss.

I haven’t seen a Doctor since nineteen seventy three,
when I had been out climbing and fell out of a tree.
So I don’t think I’m a burden on the good old NHS,
but I’m off to get it sorted before it becomes a mess.

When I book in the appointment the woman’s very curt.
She asks me if it’s urgent and does it really hurt?
I tell her when my husband brushed against my toe in bed,
he was lucky I didn’t hit him and he’d have to go instead.

She tells me that she’ll squeeze me in on Friday after three,
between Mabel and her shingles and Bertie’s dodgy knee.
I hobble up the pathway and collide with the opening door.
It was set on automatic and knocked me to the floor.

I then enter all my details on a small computer screen
and walk past a screaming toddler and a spotty looking teen.
I settle down for waiting by a pile of books and mags,
next to all the leaflets of how to die by smoking fags.

And then I hear a voice shout “Hello, well how are you”?
And I heard myself responding that I felt as good as new!
It was my friend and neighbour who then tells me all about
how she is really suffering from piles and bouts of gout.

She tells me in great detail about their size and shape.
She asks me to imagine a bottom full of grapes.
I sit there very quietly and pick up a magazine,
called “Triathlons and Cycling for the very keen”.

Then finally they call out, but I forgot it was my name,
so I missed the first appointment which was a crying shame.
But then I get the call out and I shuffle past the Doc’.
I’ve been waiting for two hours and they close at six O’clock.

He says he wants to weigh me before he sees my toe,
now this was unexpected and was quite a bitter blow.
He said that my blood pressure was running a bit high
and I must cut out the alcohol, cheese and apple pie.

He asked about my lifestyle and did I exercise?
so I told him I went jogging and one or two more lies.
And when he saw my toe he said it really was a mess,
but it wasn’t really necessary to totally undress.

He prescribed antibiotics and put on a large white plaster
as I did up all my buttons, I couldn’t get out faster.
I limped out of the surgery and picked up my prescription.
whilst two little gits in hoodies laughed at my affliction.

And that is why I leave it until bits are falling off.
I won’t go to the doctors with just a cold or a bad cough.
And so until the next time I’ll try and stay away
and try eating up more apples to keep the Doc’ at bay.

Jan Millward©