Senior Moments

Senior Moments

The other day I went to my workshop to search for a screw,
But by the time I arrived I’d forgotten what I had gone there to do.
After racking my brains for a while I went back inside.
I thought, ‘It looks like a few more of my brain cells have died.’

Later I remembered and I said out loud, “Of course, I need a screw.”
My wife looked up and said, “At this time of day? That’s not a bit like you?”
As we walked towards the bedroom door, my wife took me by the hand,
I said, “Hang on a minute dear, I don’t think you quite understand.”

Yesterday my workmate told me I was wearing two odd socks,
So I told him I had an identical pair stored at home in a box.
I also discovered that I’d put my underpants on back to front,
And when I went for a pee I was led on a right merry hunt.

My daughter bought me some spectacles that have frames of Carmine red,
But I can never find the damn things, because they’re always perched on my head.
I have a similar problem with my wretched car keys,
Yesterday I discovered them in the freezer on top of the frozen peas.

Sometimes I have lost things that I have recently bought,
And only last week I was at the station when I lost my train of thought.
At Tesco’s I went to pay and the checkout girl said, “Strip down facing me.”
I did as requested and I was arrested. She was referring to my credit card you see.

I like to make my own chicken soup from carcass and chicken bones,
From a recipe given to me by my dear next-door neighbour Mrs Jones.
The last time I made it I really did not think,
And I watched in amazement as I strained all my soup down the sink.

Of course, I don’t suffer from Senior Moments every single day,
I am really quite on the ball in every possible way.
In fact, my memory is ninety-nine-point-nine percent okay.
Just to prove it I… I… I… Oh dear, now what was I going to say?”