Rudolph the Mugger

Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas Eve
Aiming for her carrots I believe
There wasn’t any doubt,
That he didn’t want a sprout
And dreadful injuries she did receive

Oh Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas Eve
In Santa Claus we do not now believe
Was that fat old man dead drunk
Had old Rudolph done a bunk
Had he stuck antlers and goodwill up his sleeve

Yes Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas Eve
A reindeer fuelled with sherry can achieve
A nose that shines so bright
You can use it as a light
And a sled that don’t fly straight, but does a weave.

Yes Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas eve
Why the reindeer did it, can’t conceive
Bruises, broken wrist
A knee with nasty twist
Deserves a penal sentence, no reprieve.

Oh Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas eve
We never thought that she would ever leave
But he left her there quite dead
With a hoof print on her head
We guzzle our plum pudding as we grieve

Rudolph mugged our grannie Christmas Eve
What to do about the presents she’ll receive
An answer we don’t lack,
open ‘em up not send ‘em back
Cos if you think we’re doing that
you’re hopelessly mistaken and naive.