My husband took me out for lunch

Here is another very amusing poem written by Tracey Curtis .. this will definitely have you giggling! 

My husband took me out for lunch

My husbands name is Jonathan
He’s such an understanding guy
He has the patience of a saint
And here’s one reason why

My hubby took me out for lunch
To the local public house
We sat down in the restaurant
And I swear I saw a mouse

I said to Johnny “What was that?”
As something ran across the floor
“I think I see a mouse” I said
over there sat by the door

First he looked across the room
Then he looked at me
He said “I can’t see anything
There’s nothing there to see”

So I sat back in the wooden chair
And put my bag down by my feet
As Johnny poured the wine out
I chose my food to eat

Johnny ordered steak and chips
And I went for the salmon,
But then I changed my mind again
And I settled for the gammon

The food was all delicious
So we thought we’d have a sweet,
We were just about to order
When something touched my feet

I moved so fast I caught my foot
Inside my handbag strap,
And as I lost my balance
I fell in some guys lap

His chair gave way with me on top
With my skirt above my head
The strap was still around my foot
And my face had gone bright red

The man shouts out, “WILL YOU GET OFF”
I think he was quite rude
And then I kicked the table leg
And down came all the food

My hubby came across to help
He helped us to our feet
The man said “what about our food?”
There’s nothing left to eat

My hubby said “we’re sorry bud”
Please, let me pay for more
Johnny gave him Fifty quid
Then the man walked out the door

We sat back down to start again
As the staff cleaned up the mess
I had spaghetti in my hair
And gravy down my dress

My hubby said “what’s wrong with you?,
You almost wrecked the house”
I said ” Well something touched my feet
And I think it was a mouse”

He said “Well if it was it’s gone now
So can we please just settle down”
I looked at him he looked at me
And he gave me such a frown

But then he smiled and said to me
“Would you like a glass of wine”?
“Would you like a bit more food “?
I said “No thanks I’m fine”

I said “I think I’ll have a cigarette
That can’t cause any harm”
As I reached to get my bag
The mouse ran up my arm

I jumped up fast and spun around
And then I started squealing
I sounded like a little pig
As I nearly hit the ceiling

I swung the bag around my head
And all around my seat
I swung it high and swung it low
And I swung it round my feet

I smacked my Johnny in the face
With my bag as I was swinging
I think I hit him with the phone
As my phone it started ringing

I climbed upon the table
As I knew the mouse was there
But then I slipped the table flipped
And the plates flew in the air

The food went left the drinks went right
Something caught the fire alarm
And all because that little mouse
Ran up my bloody arm

My Johnny’s eye was swollen
From the bag when he got lashed
Although he couldn’t see that well
He could see the room was trashed

He looked at me and then he said
“I thought I said stay calm!”
I said  “I tried my best it didn’t work
As the mouse ran up my arm”

He shook his head and hung it low
And put his hand into his pocket
Then I said “What are you doing ”
He said “I’m looking for my wallet”

I’m off to see the owner
keep your feet up off the floor
If you see the mouse again
Just walk out of the door

This day has cost a fortune
But I’m not about to shout
But let me make it clear to you
It’s the last time you come out!

© Written by me….. TRACEY CURTIS…26514