Mr. Tickle

A few years ago, an M.P. in the House of Commons warned that ‘Tickling children against their will can set the child up for future instances of sexual harrasment, teaching them that their consent can be ignored by those more powerful than them’.  Here are my thoughts on that statement.

Mr. Tickle

I saw Mr. Tickle the other day,
He seemed but barely alive.
He was on his way to the dole queue,
Clutching a P45.

I asked him what the trouble was,
It was sad to see him so low.
He looked at me forlornly and said
‘Tickles are now a no-go.

‘For years I’ve used my long arms
To make folk squeal and giggle.
Such laughter, joy and breathless fun
With no more than a jiggle.

‘I thought that children loved me.
I thought that was my job.
A Mr. Man redundant?
It makes me want to sob.

‘For every tickle I’ve given
Was done in such a way
That I never meant to harm a soul.
Now I must ‘back-off’ they say.

He sloped away along the road
His long arms trailing behind.
A shadow of his former self, thinking
‘This M.P. I hate to say, must have a smutty mind.

He went through the doors of the D.S.S.
Feeling nothing but helpless shame
That it could ever come to this.
It was only a harmless game.

But there was more than one of the Mr. Men
In that long and winding queue.
He looked around and to his surprise
Saw Mr. Bump, round, white and blue.

He said ‘No child is allowed a bump anymore.
Accidents are now very few.
A graze on the knee and you can bet your life
Their parents will swiftly sue’.

Who will be the next to go?
Asked the perplexed and bewildered pair.
Mr. Topsy-Turvy? Mr. Rush?
It hardly seems that fair.

Mr. Noisy, Mr. Silly, Mr. Daydream?
Their jobs will all be gone.
As for innocent childhood?
The lunatics will have won.