Mr and Mrs Steady

I hope this gives you a laugh as I had a ball writing it!

Happy New Year!

Mr and Mrs Steady

They’re Mr and Mrs Steady, conformist through and through,
never any different, impulsive wouldn’t do.
They always shop on Monday their habits are routine,
on Tuesday it’s the housework, they love a home that’s clean.

Risk adverse is what they are; they’d never push their luck,
they sometimes take a ramble, for that they have the pluck.
Their names are really tidy, Norman and Nora Neame.
they live in leafy Surrey, in a village close to Cheam.

Their hobbies are just perfect; it’s bowls three times a week.
Norman likes to play a round, with chaps from his small clique.
Norma’s passion’s cross-stitch, she’s completed forty-two,
they say her work’s outstanding, admired by quite a few.

They take the same newspaper just like their folks before,
Norman does the crossword and he knows each metaphor.
Norma likes the recipes especially any cakes,
she tries them out for W.I, along with her traybakes.

If they listen to the radio it’s classical all the way,
and they own a grand piano which neither of them can play.
All the carpets are most grandiose; it’s nothing but the best,
the parquet floor that adorns the hall is magnificent I attest.

But there is this little secret that no one’s meant to know,
It happens every Friday night, within their bungalow.
It involves a feather duster, and two huge pots of lard,
some extra long elastic, plus the hose that’s in the yard.

Some would raise an eyebrow, but still they’d be enthralled.
‘Party Poopers’ and ‘Stick-in-the–muds’ would certainly be appalled.
The temptation to reveal this is driving me insane,
discretion is the answer, such a good time to refrain!!!!

Teresa Harrison-Best
© Dec 2020
Revised