It’s Christmas

It’s Christmas

The days fast approaching
The present’s are wrapped
A fortune’s been spent
On overpriced crap

For turkey this year
we’re having a crown
It looks a bit funny
Like a cars knocked it down

There’s apple and stuffing
But where can it go?
Which bottom will take it
I don’t really know

The family will come
And eat all the food
Then slag it all off
Saying it’s not very good

I won’t burn the tatties
Or dry out the pork
If they don’t like the flavour
They can all take a walk

The sherry’s been hidden
From great auntie Anne
We’ve had all too many
Of her drunken can cans

Those special long bloomers
She keeps for her best
Match all her dresses
and knitted string vests

The cat’s tail is all bumpy
Where people have stood
When grandpa set fire
To festive plum pud

We’re giving fair warning
to the neighbours this year
In case flames from the brandy
sets fire to his hair

The trauma of past times
Still fresh in their minds
leaving smouldering eyebrows
and curtains behind

When the lunch has been eaten
and the family have gone
I’ll sit with my feet up
and listen to songs

While reflecting on all
the loud music and cheer
I’ll get pen and paper
to plan for next year