Elaine

Elaine

I know a girl so popular, of that there is no doubt.
Her name’s Elaine and she’s a pain when she gets taken out.

Sally Traffic on Radio 2 would give the latest report.
And those affected would roll their eyes. ‘Oh not AGAIN!’ they’d retort.

It could last an hour, a day or even more than a week
Which would mean delays and diversions. Motorists so cross they can’t speak.

‘Elaine is out on the M6’, Sally would calmly say.
‘Due to an overturned lorry, Leyland to Standish way’.

‘Elaine is out on the M62 at Junction 21.
This is the Milnrow Interchange and roadworks have begun’.

At Maple Cross on the M25 people are cursing Elaine
Which has, yet again been taken out, this time for a broken-down crane.

‘On the M4 near Newbury, Elaine is out completely.
‘No word it its re-opening soon’, Sally tells us sweetly.

You can tell by the tone of her voice, Sally doesn’t like to give us bad news.
Someone has to do it but it’s not a job I’d choose.

One day Elaine might stay put and not be taken out again.
Until that day, come what may, it won’t be ‘If’ but ‘When’.

Next time you’re in a traffic jam heading for a roundabout,
Don’t shoot our Sal, the messenger, who begins ‘Elaine has been taken out…..’

What’s that you shout? ‘A LANE!! A LANE!!’
You must be joking in jest.

You mean that after all this time
I’m in need of a hearing test??