Claudia’s Secret

“Let’s go Darling” said Sir James Beresford, taking Claudia’s hand.  Although both in their sixties, she took it as a child would a father’s hand. He was her rock, she loved him, she had implicit trust in him.

Sir James, who really didn’t bother much about his title, lovingly looked at his gentle, elegant, charming wife thinking that she was, by nature, a Lady.

He picked up her suitcase, as she took one last vacant look around their beautiful, family home, and ushered her out to the car, handing the luggage to Timpson. Covering chauffeuring and maintenance Timpson, together with a cook, a housekeeper and a gardener, was greatly valued by the Beresfords. The “team” had always contributed to the smooth running of the estate, allowing Sir James and Lady Claudia to give their time to both commercial and charitable works.

Loaded, and doors closed, the old Bentley glided down the drive and out of the large, iron, crested gates that automatically closed silently behind them, on its way to Castleford Manor.

The summer sun was shining in the clear blue sky. Birds sang, bees hummed, and butterflies danced by in a swirl of colour. The gardens looked impressive with rose perfume already filling the air.  James hoped it was a good omen.

He reflected on how devastated they had been when, just before her 60^th birthday, Claudia had been diagnosed with Dementia. At the start she was able to understand its implications and began to put her affairs in order and gradually gave up her charity work.  She also gave up hosting Blinkley Hall’s Fetes, Gymkhanas, Bonfire Nights and Christmas Carol Concerts.

It started slowly with her being completely muddled trying to send out Christmas cards, and the following summer being totally unable to sort out her holiday clothes. She managed her memory loss by having copious notes pinned on a wall in the kitchen. But, eventually, she took no notice of them, becoming more withdrawn and less interested in what was going on around her. One sadly, funny instance he remembered was when they went to pick up the red convertible car she’d set her heart on. He drove them home from the garage, through the countryside, with the hood down and the wind blowing in their faces. Full of excitement at his purchase, he glanced at her, staring straight ahead, saying, “Look, no hood!”

She had answered as a matter of fact, “I don’t expect there’s much they could do about it.” No reaction, no happiness, no emotion. She didn’t even realise it was all for her. Just too late, thought James wryly. “Such a shame as she would have seen the funny side!”

Claudia now sat in silence, holding his hand to give herself strength and comfort, unaware that she was giving the same to him. He wondered what the future would hold for his dear wife, whilst she was losing concentration, hypnotised by the motion of the car.

The Beresfords were already involved with Castleford Manor, as Claudia’s mother had spent her last two years there. They were impressed with the treatment she received and, eventually, became involved with Guy and his team, giving financial backing to the Research Centre.

As Claudia’s quality of life became non-existent, Guy asked to see James. He couldn’t bear for this charming lady to be reduced to such a state, and knew it was also tearing James apart. He decided to help by offering Claudia a, hopefully, miraculous drug that was not yet ready to be launched. However, he felt that the success of the trials showed it to be a safe option. The only request Guy made was that they kept it to themselves until the drug was made public.

After discussing it at length, and feeling that anything was worth a try, James decided to go ahead, agreeing to the condition of secrecy with no hesitation.

Half an hour later the Bentley rolled to a stop on the large gravel driveway at Castleford Manor Care Home. Timpson helped Claudia from the car, as always concerned about her demeanour. No longer the elegant, confident Lady, but a frail, bewildered, distracted, even frightened looking woman. Forgetting the many times she had visited the Home, she looked apprehensively at the splendid Georgian mansion, as James took her arm guiding her up the imposing steps, to the even more imposing entrance.

The door swung open and Guy came out, extending his hand with a smile. James shook it warmly, following him inside saying, “Well we’ve made it, but in the time it took us I’m afraid Claudia has completely withdrawn into herself, and doesn’t know what’s happening”.

“That’s because you stopped the medication, as I asked. Don’t worry we’ll soon get her sorted.” Came the reply. “Come in and get her settled. I know you want to stay for a while, and that’s a good thing as you are her one constant at the moment.”

The building, a splendid example of its kind, still retained the feel of a magnificent country house, with wood panelling, high ceilings, big double doors and an impressive twin staircase leading from the spacious hall to the galleried landing above. Now it was a popular nursing home and day care centre, combined with a state-of-the-art research facility housed in its North wing.

The large walls were light and adorned with colourful, floral pictures. Potted plants were scattered around on various surfaces, with an enormous floral display on the reception desk – behind which sat a very pleasant and approachable looking young lady.

The atmosphere was anything but imposing. The spaciousness was light and airy, exuding a feeling of calm. The staff walked quietly, but purposefully about their duties, nurses wearing white uniforms whilst other female staff wore matching trousers and tops in various pastel colours.  Even the men wore matching shirts and trousers, in white, blue or grey. The innovative idea was to, hopefully, make the patients and clients feel less threatened, by seeing people in a “gentler” attire with which they might be more familiar and, in addition, help those patients, who could determine colour, associate staff names with the colour of their outfits.  Anything to try and improve the quality of life for those using the facilities was paramount. Though the first thing that crossed James’s mind, catching sight of a group of ladies walking to their break, was that they resembled the floral paintings on the walls – except that they were moving!

Guy led the way to Claudia’s room. Again, a beautiful room, on the ground floor with large French windows opening on to a well-manicured lawn and amazing flower beds. The colour and heady perfume created a feeling of nostalgia and summers past.

The furniture in this room was antique, almost in keeping with the house, and reminiscent of the interior in Claudia’s own home, a familiarity that might make her feel at ease, thought James, leading her to a large comfy chair to sit and enjoy the garden.

“What a lovely room and view,” he said conversationally to his bewildered wife. Don’t worry, my love, you’ll soon feel at home here and it’s only for a few days, and I’ll see you every day, as I’m staying at the local pub.”

Rose, obviously wearing pink, knocked and entered. Claudia, looking up in surprise, relaxed when she saw the tea tray being put on the small table beside her, allowing James to leave swiftly and quietly.

“Hello Claudia, I’m Rose.” She said cheerily, dropping the “Lady Beresford” title as instructed. What lovely weather you’ve brought with you.”  Claudia glanced at the window.

Looking tentatively at Rose, she answered in a small voice, “Thank you, yes, it’s lovely and sunny.”

Rose continued, “enjoy your tea, and have a little rest then I’ll take you down to meet the others. I’ll just put your clothes into the wardrobe before I go. Ok?”

Others? What others? Kept going through Claudia’s mind. She didn’t know where she was and why she was all alone. She missed James. She knew he was her loving husband, but she couldn’t remember how long she’d known him, where they’d met or even the life they’d had together. She stood and looked at the framed photographs he’d put on the bureau, recognising him and, as she glanced up at the mirror, herself.  She fingered the chain around her neck with a beautiful, blue, forget-me-not pendant. She felt it really meant something but couldn’t remember what. Still it was very pretty. There were, also, four younger people in the photos. They looked familiar but, try as she might, she couldn’t put names to them. Did she have children? Were they her children? She thought she had children but didn’t recognise these as hers, or did she? It was so confusing.

She drank her tea, then settled back in the chair, closing her eyes. Then the dreams started again. Horrible, vivid dreams that made no sense at all. It was like watching an old film that kept breaking down and jumping scenes. One minute she saw this young girl, knowing it was her at the beach playing with her parents; the next it jumped to her holding a baby that she didn’t know whether it was a boy or a girl, or even hers. She saw James and herself younger, very happy, diving from a stunning white yacht into a sparkling, warm, blue sea. Suddenly that changed to a gymkhana with horses jumping over white five barred gates, all this interspersed with flashes of hot air balloons, Christmas trees and fireworks.  So disturbing.

Meanwhile Guy and his team were monitoring her via the small hidden camera on the top shelf of the bookcase, as they kept a watchful eye on all the residents. They couldn’t see her flickering eyes darting here and there trying to keep up with the ever-changing pictures in her mind.

“Claudia looks quite settled,” they agreed, “but we’ll have to see how she is when she goes to dinner as her old medication will have worn off by then.

The top team consisted of Guy Thomas – Consultant neurologist specialising in dementia, Lesley Knights – psychiatrist, John Fielding – geriatrician and Dave Swan – clinical psychologist. Other professionals were also employed, covering various aspects of the care needed at the Home. All this ran alongside The Clinic that was researching into, and trialling, new drugs. Everything possible was being done to improve the lives of those with dementia by a dedicated group of people.

Rose knocked, entered the room and, seeing Claudia was awake asked. “Ready for dinner?”

Claudia looked taken aback. “Who are you?” she demanded, with an edge to her voice. You don’t work for me, what are you doing here?”

Rose came towards her with calm authority. “I’m Rose”, she smiled, “like my outfit, and I’m taking you to dinner with the other people staying here. You must be feeling hungry by now.”

“Yes I am hungry,” answered Claudia, getting up out of the chair and following Rose from the room and down the corridor, thinking what a lovely hotel it was, though not sure why she would be there without James.

They entered a splendid dining room, that did indeed look like part of a grand hotel. The theme of light and airiness continued with white tables, each with a small vase of flowers, together with pastel coloured chairs.  Similar floral pictures adorned the walls.

Claudia was completely taken aback by the room, the number of diners, even the quiet movement of the staff serving dinner. Anxiously she turned to leave. Rose gently blocked her way and, without touching her, carefully guided her to a vacant window table.

“There you are, my dear, “she said kindly. Claudia sat, her stress lessening, such that she was able to enjoy the dinner she was served.

Back in her strange room again, she was suddenly aware of a horse in the corner. Not just any horse, but her beloved Penny, with whom she had been inseparable in her childhood.   Now, unafraid, she went over, finding comfort by stroking it and resting her head against its neck.

“My beautiful Penny.” She murmured quietly, looking into the deep brown eyes of her cherished pony. I’m so glad you’re here with me.”

She sat in the chair and closed her eyes wondering where James was. Eventually Rose came in, helped her to get ready for bed and she settled down for the night.

She woke at three o’clock, in strange indistinguishable surroundings, despite the night light, and was petrified. Finding the door, she went out into the well-lit, but forgotten, corridor looking at the identical doors on each side in utter confusion.

A male member of staff appeared in front of her, her exit having been captured by the camera in her room. He approached carefully so as not to frighten her. Unfortunately, it was too late. Just as he reached her and was about to ask if he could help, she screamed

“Who are you? Stay away from me. Don’t come near or I’ll scream. Fuck off.” This was certainly no Lady Beresford!

“Sorry Claudia, I was just coming to see if you needed any help,” he answered quietly. The sound of her name calmed her somewhat as she answered, “I was looking for the kitchen as I need to get James his breakfast.”

“Ok, well I’ll take you, as you’re going in the wrong direction,” he said guiding her by the arm as she offered no resistance. Once back in the room, James’s breakfast forgotten, she allowed him to help her back into bed, nodded goodnight to Penny and settled down to sleep.

In the morning there was a knock, the door opened, and a different carer came in.

“Morning Claudia, we haven’t met yet but I’m Primrose and I’ll be helping you today”. Her uniform was, obviously, yellow and she even had blonde hair to complete the ensemble!

Claudia was not good this morning. She put up a fight as Primrose helped her to dress, but the trained expert won in the end and left a smartly dressed Claudia sitting back in the chair looking out of the window. However, the peace didn’t last long, as she started to shuffle round the room muttering to herself, opening cupboards and drawers, frantically searching for something.

At that moment James came in and, having been warned, asked “what’s up Claudia, have you lost something?” She spun round, but her face lit up at the sight of him.

“Somebody’s stolen my bag, I can’t find it. It must have been that silly woman in the ……..,” she couldn’t remember the colour. “Bugger,” she said, causing James to do a double take.

“She looked like sunshine and she had a silly name, but I don’t know what it was. “Anyway, that cow must have taken it because I had it earlier to pay the milkman”. He smiled at her saying, “it’s not missing, dear, you paid the milkman a few days ago and you haven’t got your bag here with you.” She stopped and looked at him saying, “oh I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”.

For two days she was so unhappy. A very angry, confused, irritated, aggressive woman. Swearing and cursing at anyone and everyone who came into her room.

“It’s time to put her out of her misery,” said Guy, picking up the hypodermic needle. The other members of the team all nodded in agreement.

This time they had to restrain her as he delivered the injection. She slowly relaxed and her eyes closed as she sank into oblivion.

She woke the next day to find herself lying in bed with sunshine streaming through the windows and James sitting by her side, holding her hand. He felt the movement as she stretched, and looking cautiously at her, asked with trepidation, “how are you feeling my love?”

She smiled at him, “I feel wonderful but not sure where I am.” He looked into her beautiful, sparkling eyes – knew he’d got her back.

“Well you’re in Castleford Manor as you’ve not been well, but you look great to me this morning.”

Whereupon a beaming Guy came in, felt Claudia’s pulse with one hand, whilst shining his torch in her eyes with the other.

“My dear Claudia, you look wonderful. Everything is looking so good that, after a few more tests, and some observation, you can go home in a couple of days.”

So, two days later, James stood with his arm round his wife’s waist, both turning to wave at Guy and his staff.

She was excited as James helped her into the passenger seat of the gleaming red convertible. “I’ve seen this before haven’t I?  Did you get it for me?” her grin showing it was a rhetorical question!   They pulled away.

“Yes, my love, it’s actually been yours for a while, but you didn’t know. There’s a lot for you to catch up on. But, as Guy’s new medication seems to be working, it won’t take long for you to get back to your old self. However, the drug is under wraps as it hasn’t been launched yet, so we must keep it to ourselves. Do you think you can keep the secret?”

Smiling as she passed by Penny, who was looking back at her over the hedge at the side of the drive, she answered conspiratorially, “Of course, mum’s the word!”