Alien Lover

First Impressions

I’ve always been dogged with guilt and lacking self confidence. I grew up in the shadow of my prettier, cleverer sisters, and was the least favourite of our mother, so, predictably, and for all the wrong reasons, I married too young.

Ted, was handsome, and comparatively ‘posh’. I felt secure and cared for with Ted, but ultimately he destroyed what little confidence I had. It was years before I realised this – I thought he was always right, and everyone – Mother especially – fuelled this belief by insisting with surprise, “You’ve done so well for yourself our Sue! You make sure you don’t throw it all away with your daft ideas about love and all that nonsense my girl.”

It was true; Ted was a good husband, and a great father to our boys, but, as I recognised much later, in an unhealthily controlling way. Whatever we planned or whenever a decision needed making  it was either Ted’s way or the highway.

When the boys left home in their late teens, (I suspect to escape from their father’s tyranny),  I began experiencing the most horrid  nightmares. There was always an element of guilt attached to these dreams so that when I woke up I was filled with dread, remorse and unhappiness. Not the nicest start to the day. Ted, although aware of my misery and irrational guilt,  typically, but perhaps understandably, became impatient. The more depressed I was, the more controlling and critical he became.

It was a wonderful surprise when the nightmares changed, and my nocturnal love affair began. My first impression of this strange apparition was, I have to admit, a bit scary. He was an ugly beggar, small, round and green, with fuzzy red hair. How I felt an attraction for him is as much of a mystery as anything else connected to the next few months.

He began by crooning unfamiliar tunes, and running his gnarled fingers through my hair. I felt mesmerised and woke up rested and content. It was wonderful. I counted the hours to bedtime.

Then the goal posts shifted and into my bed he gently slithered.. You’d have thought I’d have been alarmed, wouldn’t you? Well I wasn’t, and I’m not ashamed to say that either. His presence, along with the hypnotic lullabies were just wonderful. Music to my soul.

I never gave a thought to my husband as he snored quietly and contentedly, in the next room. Increasingly we’d mutually distanced ourselves from each other. Oh, we still cared, but in a brotherly/sisterly kind of a way, if you know what I mean. Having someone else in my bed didn’t seem like a betrayal. Hubby was happily oblivious and there was a smile on my face at breakfast instead of the tearful, depressed expression he’d grown accustomed to.

Realising the ‘affair’ was gaining momentum I thought my night-time attire needed updating and spent the following day, (and shed-loads of Ted’s dosh), on sexy nightwear, obscenely expensive perfume, and a variety of lubricants and oils in anticipation of what I hoped would follow. I wasn’t disappointed. As he slithered beside me I felt the change in tempo and, when his rough dry lips met mine, I thought I’d die with happiness. We had a wonderful night of love.

In the morning, as usual, my alien lover had gone but it didn’t matter, I knew he’d be back and I basked in the ecstasy of the previous night.

With this panacea for happiness I thought my prescription antidepressants were superfluous. Prozac, huh, who needs them? I was delirious with happiness, my days passed in a dream while I anticipated bedtime.  Ted thought all his birthdays had come at once. I was a new woman, hair combed coiffed and coloured,  lippy on my mouth and I even managed to laugh at some of  his unfunny jokes.

Then it changed. My alien lover still came but only slept beside me. Then he reverted to standing by the bed stroking my hair crooning robotically. Finally he left and my demons began their onslaught again bringing  nightmares that reached the very depths of hell.

Poor Ted was beside himself when he found me, he never understood, but now I’m at peace, and you know what? My alien lover comes every night. Without fail.