A Breath So Sweet – Part II

This is Part II of A Breath So Sweet … click here to read Part I first ←

Six weeks earlier

Ollie sipped at the mug of coffee in his right hand whilst rolling the pen in and out of the fingers of his left.  The letter was nearly finished but Ollie was struggling with it.  What do you say to a woman you haven’t seen for three quarters of your life; ‘Hi I’m the son you left behind when you went to prison for killing my Dad?’ … No, that was not the way forward. He chewed the pen thoughtfully, looking up to the picture of his family – partner Elise, daughter Maude and son Archie – hoping for inspiration.  He can’t believe he had actually found his mother, after years of searching. It should have been easy to find her. After all she was in prison but he what he didn’t know was that she had changed her name shortly after going to jail. She didn’t want Ollie to suffer at the hands of bullies in school when they realised his mother was Jane Akers, the murderer.  She had always liked Ava Gardner the actress and so took her first name as her own and used the surname Barnes, for no other reason than she picked it out of a book she was reading.  Finally Ollie had got the news he had been waiting for. He had been in the library one Saturday with Maude choosing her reading books for the week ahead, when someone spoke to him. “Excuse me interrupting you but I have to ask you – is your name Oliver Akers?”  Oliver looked up from Maude who was eagerly waving a book in front of him, and studied the man. Tall, bearded and with a distinguished air about him he looked vaguely familiar to Oliver.  “ I am – do I know you?” The man gestured to Oliver to sit on one of the many beanbags scattered around the children’s reading area and then sat down next to him.

“Maude, why don’t you go and find a book for your brother … a really funny one”, Oliver squeezed his daughters hand and pointed her in the direction of the younger reading area.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt your time with your daughter but I have seen you in here a few times now and today I decided to speak to you.  I knew your mother you see, and I happen to know you have been trying to find her”.  Oliver looked at the man. He was certain he knew his face but just could not place him.  As if reading his mind, the man continued.  “ You recognise me don’t you Oliver?” The library was bustling with people, but suddenly Oliver felt he was alone there with this man. Of course; he recognised him know. He was older, of course, but in an instant Oliver was transported back almost 20 years to the day his Mum was taken from him.  This man was the policeman who had held Oliver’s hand as his colleague had led his mother away. Oliver had been 6 and in that moment his world had come to an end.  He had only ever known life with his mum and now that was over.

“You are the policeman who took me from Mum!” said Oliver unaware he was speaking out loud.  “Sorry, I mean I do recognise you – when Mum was arrested you stayed with me”.  The man looked down at his hands. After what seemed like an age he spoke.

“Yes Oliver, I am.   I was PC Jim Falstaff then. Just Jim now though. Retired 5 years ago. But I never forgot you.  Broke my heart the day I had to come and arrest your Mum with Pete – he was my colleague by the way.   Didn’t seem right taking you from your Mum but it had to be done. She had been through hell herself and there we were about to take away the only thing she had left – you”. Jim looked up at Oliver and could see there were tears in his eyes.

“My old mum always said I was too soft to be a copper, but it was always the kiddies that upset me. You were only 6.  Had no idea what was going on. Your Mum did us all a favour if truth be told.  Dan Brinscombe was a piece of scum.  He may have been married but he had women all over the place and treated them all as punch bags.” Seeing the look of shock on Oliver’s face he quickly continued, “Sorry son, shouldn’t have said that”. Jim grasped Oliver’s hand with both of his.  “What I really wanted to tell you was that I know where your Mum is, if you want to contact her.”

“Daddy, I’ve got a book for Archie!” Maude was suddenly on front of Oliver waving ‘Guess how much I love you’ in his face.  “Daddy, why are you crying?” Then, turning to face Jim she said, “ Have you hurt my Daddy?”  Oliver suddenly laughed and turning to Jim said, “Takes after her Nan – fiery!”  Looking back at Maude he said, “No sweetheart, this man hasn’t hurt me – in fact quite the opposite. He has made me very happy”

“Then why are you crying?”

“These are happy tears darling – one day when you are older you will understand”.

Oliver stood up and, after asking Maude to choose two more books for herself, turned back to speak to Jim.

“ I have been searching for Mum for years but she changed her name I’m sure of it.  If you really know where she is please tell me”

“Even though I’m retired now I’ve always followed your Mum’s case.  Yes, she did change her name, but only to save you from being taunted and bullied at school.  She’s Ava Barnes now and she was released from prison three weeks ago.

I made it my business to find out her address.   There have to be some perks to being a retired copper!” Jim smiled. “Here’s my phone number” Jim pulled a pen from his jacket and, picking up a leaflet from the table nearby quickly scribbled his name and number on the back.  “Ring me when you have had a chance to digest all this information and I’ll tell you all you need to know”. He pressed the piece of paper into Ollie’s hand and again grasped it with both of his.  “ I just know she would love to see you” and with that he turned and walked out of the library, leaving Oliver wondering how it was that his life had suddenly changed in the space of fifteen minutes.

“ What do you think I should do Elise?”  Ollie was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher when his partner came down from putting the children to bed. Pouring them both of glass of wine, she sat at the kitchen table and looked at Ollie.

“I think you should ring this Jim and see what other information he has. You have searched for her for so long – this could be just the news you have been waiting for”  Ollie closed the dishwasher and sat down next to Elise.

“I know, but I can’t upset Clare and Robert.”

“They will understand – it’s not like your Mum abandoned you at birth. They know you have been wanting to find her – if anything they will support you in this”.

Clare and Robert Langley had taken Ollie in and fostered him after his Mum had gone to prison. He had lived with them until he met Elise and moved in with her at the aged of nineteen. He had never wanted for anything – they had treated him as if he was their own son and they already had three of those.

It was a big, noisy, loving home and Ollie had felt safe there although of course he there had been times that he missed his mum desperately. When he had felt like that though either Clare, Robert or one of the boys always sat with him and talked to him and held him when it all got too much.

Ollie took Elise’s hand.

“I’ve got to see her. I just need to see her and find out what happened all those years ago. She’s my Mum Elise – my Mum”.

He had spoken to Clare and Robert who, whilst hoping he would not get his heart broken, they were pleased he was finally getting a chance to have all his questions answered.  He had met again with Jim Falstaff over a long leisurely coffee in town and, whilst he had filled him in on some of the details of Ava’s past, thought it best if he spoke to his Mum directly.

“She is the one with all the answers son. Only Ava knows the details of what went on that day. I know Brinscombe was your father but he was a real scumbag.  He was good looking and flashed the cash but he had a real nasty streak, which got worse after a drink”.   Ollie had thanked Jim, taken the address that he gave him and went home.

Ollie made himself another coffee and got back to the letter. Elise had taken the children out for the afternoon to give him space.  He really was struggling as this was a letter to a woman who, although she was his mother, he didn’t know her. He had vague memories of walking dogs and eating ice cream on the beach but they were hazy and for all he knew he could have dreamt them.

Eventually, after two hours and half a rainforest later, he signed, sealed and stamped the letter, carefully writing the address that Jim had given him on the envelope.   Then, he put on his jacket, walked out of the door and after a short walk to the end of his street, he looked at the envelope once last time and posted it without further hesitation into the post box. Turning on his heel he strode back to his house feeling lighter than he had done in years.   This was it. He was really going to see his Mum again.

Written by: Linda Harris