babblerem

I had to smile when accompanying elderly/infirm parents (now deceased) to hospital appointments that a consultant would say to me - 'Take them out in the car - let them sit in the garden'.  I would reply, "What car?  What garden? When they dreaded going to a nursing home I had brought them from their council flat to live with me and my disabled son in the terraced house I had bought. It was all I could afford and had no space for a garden. I could drive but could no longer afford to buy or run a car.

Thank you Rachel. I am 88 and the sole carer for my disabled. autistic son. Back in the 1980s Carers U.K. asked me to write (and draw cartoons) to publish in their national magazine. I had never done it before, but soon got involved and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. That started me off writing to support other charities and I found it great fun. I am now too old to carry out any more physical charity work, but writing for magazines and organisations like The Oldie, Autism Speaks USA, TAAP Canada, newspapers and such makes life much more interesting and enjoyable.

I made the mistake of marrying for love. My husband was an educated, charming, popular ex-army officer working as an accountant. When I was 5 months pregnant with our son he left in a car he had not paid for. I did not know where he was and eventually divorced him by newspaper advertisement - desertion and neglect to maintain. I discovered he had left behind debts I knew nothing about and nothing to do with me. Over the years I managed to work and save to buy a home for my son and self. I learned my lesson and decided not to remarry though I received many proposals - even some of marriage!

I remember when there was no such thing as convenience foods. Mis-shapen vegetables were the norm and you had to cut away so much so there was a lot of waste. I prefer the veg one can buy today where there is practically no waste.

I am 88 and had a hip replacement operation. I had been active but needed an op. because of arthritis. Until then I used to walk everywhere and was very fit for my age. The operation was a success and I am grateful to the wonderful surgeon. However, the aftercare meant that my stay in the ward afterwards was purgatory and by the time I returned home my immune system was so low that I had to take antibiotics for viruses . My body clock was all over the place and it took me ages to get back to normal, both with sleeping and eating. While in hospital I found there was little or no pain from the op. so I was very lucky. I tried to keep a low profile and not be a nuisance, but that did not help. One night I needed to use the lavatory. I got up quietly and made my way there and back with a walking aid. However, on my return a nurse came charging out and said ‘Do YOU know what time it is? It’s 2 a.m.!' I did not reply, but wondered what was I supposed to do anyway? I never answered back as I realised I could not do such a difficult job. I think that a few of the nurses were so rushed that they were ‘burnt out’ and had not time to care, so it was not their fault. There was kindness, such as nurses bringing me extra blankets and tucking me in when I was cold. However, several times I got ‘ticked off’ by nurses for no reason, as though I was a naughty child. For instance, one kind health assistant loaned me a pillow slip to cover my eyes so I could get some sleep, but when another night I asked a senior nurse could I borrow one as I could not sleep, she snapped, ‘If you were really tired you could sleep’ – so no pillow slip – no sleep that night! Yet this was the nurse who, soon after my operation, kindly asked me ‘Would you like some stronger pain-killers?’ I was nauseous the whole time I was there (6 days) so although the meals provided were good I found it hard to face food or even a cup of coffee or tea. I managed a couple of bowls of soup and forced myself to eat a piece of toast and an occasional half a cup of milk. I needed to survive as I am the sole Carer of a loved one. I could not sleep because of the bright lights and the noise such as the beeps of patients pressing their buzzers for assistance. Even when returning home in the ambulance I was bilious and ill, but could not be sick as my stomach was empty. Ancillary staff, ambulance people, physiotherapists etc. were all outstanding and extremely helpful. I believe that any more cutbacks in nursing staff would prove disastrous. If you have to be admitted to hospital, remember to take a sleeping mask and ear-plugs with you – AND don’t be old!