Cheesed Off
This amusing poem is written by one of our members, Ken Blackwell.
Ken and his wife own a property in the Dordogne in France, and have kindly offered all Silverhairs members a 10% reduction off the rental in 2014! All you need to do is count up how many cheeses are mentioned in the poem and, anyone who emails them with the correct answer will qualify for the discount – Entires to: [email protected]
Cheesed Off!
The Field-Marshall would gorge on Cheddar
while watching a film Danish ‘blue’.
With a glass of port,
he’d splutter and snort
and curse if the dog spoilt his view.
His cheese fondness became an obsession,
Merchants his trade tried to foster
his name was renowned
in every cheese-making town,
Red Leicester, sage Derby, double Gloucester.
He’d shout for his tea, “Ritz crackers and Brie’
Roquefort, Blue Stilton and Gouda !”
His wife Rita fumed, as she brought him the tray
“Oh he’ll rue this day,
his behaviour just cannot be ruder”.
On her knees she’d pray to St Ivel
in the larder stacked with Emmental
and Wensleydale, and Lymeswold
and Mozzeralla and Cotswold
“Oh this man he’s driving me mental !”
The final cheese straw came one day
When she saw this military man
pick from a molar
Some old Gorgonzola
and sprinkle with fine parmesan.
Well known at the Cheese Shop in town
Caerphilly his wife choose the best
then to the Chemists she went, on murder intent
“I’ll take something for moles they’re making such holes,
signed the Poison’s Book Mrs L Bent.
Rita thought a ‘culture’ she’d grow
on a piece of old Camembert
it grew blue and hairy,
in fact looked quite scary.
And the smell left her gasping for air.
She served his cheese board that night
With Camembert, Munster, Gruyere
Sprinkled with ‘something for moles’,pickles, garlic bread rolls
And spoke for the first time in years
“You’ll like the old camembert”
Sam the dog, asleep by the fire
caught one whiff of the evening’s dish
Startled: he rose
Left, covering his nose,
has not been seen from that day to this.
The Field-Marshall came to, some days later
Found a note to his shirt-front, pinned
It read “I did once love you
now, I’m not ‘over fondue’.
So I’ve left and ‘Gone with the Wind’
The Field-Marshall read the message, munching
“I’ll really miss my old dog Sam,
but I’ve escaped with my life
when it comes to the wife
So……
Frankly my Dear.. I don’t give E’dam !.”
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