A Breath So Sweet

Ava cupped the now cold mug of black coffee tightly to her chest as she read the letter again.

Through her tears she read the name at the bottom of the pale blue sheet of paper for the fifth time. Neatly written in blue ink, fountain pen it seemed, was the name Ollie – a name she hadn’t dared to even think about, let alone see in front of her, after all this time.

Ollie – the last time she had seen him was over 20 years ago.  If she closed her eyes tightly she could still see the mop of unruly blond hair that fell to his shoulders, feel his sweet breath on her cheek as he kissed her goodbye. In the intervening years she had thought about him constantly.  Obviously birthdays and Christmas always featured in her thoughts, but other days, random days, would pop into her head.  Only yesterday she had thought of him when she went with her dog Max for one of their long walks along the beach.  She remembered being on the very same stretch of sand with Ollie, chasing each other and laughing in the summer sun, then sitting quietly, cuddling and eating ice cream cones seeing who could finish last – she always lost!

He wanted to see her. That’s what the letter had said. It had been too long.  He had never stopped thinking about her and had finally tracked her down after extensive searching via the Internet and letters sent to various organisations.  He had a family now and they knew all about her. He needed to tell them about Ava. About what had happened all those years ago to make them lose touch?  It was all her fault.  She had walked away from him when he had needed her the most. Whether he could forgive her for that remained to be seen.

Ava rose from the kitchen table, still clutching the letter.  She didn’t know what to do. Oh, she knew what she should do, but since when had she ever listened to herself and reason.  He had a family! That was going to be difficult for everyone concerned.  She would need to see him on his own first – they had a lot to say.  It would be hard to meet his new family though –   looking at her, judging her, but she needed to see him on his own first. Time to speak to them later. To explain.

Okay. She needed to reply to the letter.  Making her way over to the bureau she took out her writing pad and envelopes and carefully composed a letter to Ollie, explaining that although she wanted to see him, had he really thought it through?  Did his family mind meeting the woman who had ruined his life all those years ago? Did he really want to bring the past right slap bang into the present?

The letter was written and posted and now, three weeks later, Ava was sitting in the run down beach cafe on the promenade on a cold January afternoon, waiting to meet him again.  She had dressed carefully that morning.  Although she was a tired, 47 year old woman, she had had her mousy hair cut and highlighted so that it showed off her green eyes and had carefully applied her makeup so that it brightened her sallow skin.  She knew she looked different now. Prison did that to you.  It took away your soul and left you with a flatness that no amount of makeup or designer clothes could ever replace. In the 20 years she had been inside that awful place she had thought of seeing Ollie again every day. It had kept her going in many ways. She thought of the last time he had kissed her when he had said goodbye. She had thought of holding his hand and walking through the streets once she was released. She had deserved to be in there though. She had taken the life of a man. A man who was already married with a family. A man who had lied to her and then beaten her so viciously that not only had he broken bones, but he had also broken her spirit, and for that she would never forgive him.

Looking up from her mug of hot chocolate Ava glanced over to the door.  They had arranged to meet at 2.00pm. It was now 2.15pm.  Her heart sank as a solitary tear slipped down her cheek, making a trail in the makeup where it left a pale line all the way down to her lips. Of course he wasn’t going to come. Why would he want to see her, an old jail bird, after all this time. Why, she had been the one to leave him.  She had destroyed the family life they had built together.  It was no surprise that he had a new family now. He needed to be loved, to have someone who adored him the way she had. The way she still did. Why would they want to meet her now after everything she had put him through back then? Why would …she stopped in her tracks.  Ollie was outside the door of the cafe with his back to her but she would have known him anywhere. The hair was shorter now but still blonde and unruly. He was standing with a woman who was looking into his eyes with such love that Ava gasped involuntarily.  To his side was a young girl of around six years of age who was holding his hand, just like Ava used to, and holding the little girl’s other hand was a small boy, a miniature Ollie.  She shouldn’t have come.  Gathering her bag, Ava stood up ready to leave through the back exit, when the cafe door opened and Ollie walked in.  He walked over to where Ava was standing and for what seemed like an eternity they just looked at each other, then, taking his hands in hers Ava spoke first “Hello Ollie” she said. Ollie stood still just looking at her, tears forming in his eyes threatening to spill over at any time. After what seemed like hours but was really only seconds he bent to kiss her cheek softly, his breath still as sweet as she remembered from all those years ago, and simply said “Hello Mum”.