How to talk to older people about their relationship with alcohol
Experts advise on how to broach the topic if you’re worried about a friend or relative.
When you think about excessive drinking, the image of a tipsy teenager stumbling out of a pub on a Friday night might come to mind, but in reality it’s not just young people who are consuming unsafe levels of alcohol.
“From our work with the over-50s, we know that a third of older people with a drinking issue develop it for the first time in later life,” says Steph Keenan, operations manager at With You (wearewithyou.org.uk). Research from the charity reveals that 80% of this age group drink alone at home, which may be triggered by retirement or a bereavement.
“For some, suddenly being faced with long stretches at home with little purpose leads to them reaching for a bottle,” she adds. “We find that many older people don’t necessarily understand what constitutes ‘hazardous’ drinking levels, so don’t think twice about having four or five beers or three or four glasses of wine in a single session.”
The risks of excessive drinking
“Drinking at any age is harmful, but for older people it can be disastrous,” says Janey Lee Grace, author of Happy Healthy Sober and founder of The Sober Club (thesoberclub.com).
“Alcohol is linked to over 200 illnesses including cancer. It affects gut health in a detrimental way, and causes inflammation, it’s terrible for the heart and any chronic illness will be worsened by drinking regularly or binge drinking.”
Excessive alcohol consumption is particularly dangerous for older people for a number of reasons, firstly because our bodies find it harder to process alcohol as we age.
“One reason for this is having more body fat, which is less able to break down alcohol and the effects of alcohol can stay for longer in our systems,” Keenan explains.
It can also increase anxiety and depression: “Sometimes people can get caught in a cycle where they are drinking to alleviate these issues but only making them worse in the long run,” she adds.
Drinking to excess could increase the risk of accidents such as slips or falls, and can affect longevity, Lee Grace says: “Alcohol negatively impacts on ageing, and actually shortens Telomeres (the ageing markers),” according to Dr Anna Topiwala, the lead clinical researcher in a recent study published in Nature.com.
So what’s the best way to talk to a friend or family member if you’re worried about their drinking habits?
Find the right moment
While you may be tempted to raise the subject when a person is drinking (or even drunk) to prove a point, that tactic could backfire.
“The right moment is not when you’re having an argument or when the other person is feeling emotional or angry,” says Keenan. “Aim to have a quiet, face-to-face conversation in a private place where you won’t be interrupted.”
If the person becomes defensive or angry it’s best to back off and give them some space.
“This doesn’t mean you’ve failed,” Keenan adds. “Just say something like, ‘OK, that’s enough for today but please can we keep having these chats?’”
Focus on the positives
Instead of reeling off a list of the health risks, try to structure the conversation around the benefits of reducing one’s alcohol intake.
“If you go straight in with grave concern and try to get them to quit, it will probably make the situation worse,” says Lee Grace. “Try and suggest ways of support and focus on positive sobriety… and creating a life you don’t want to escape from.”
Try starting your sentences with ‘I’ instead of ‘you’, to emphasise that you’re not being judgmental, Keenan suggests. “Talk about how concerned you are, for example, ‘I feel really worried about you’. Avoid sentences that start with you, such a,s ‘You’re a mess’.”
And remember that quitting booze isn’t necessarily the end goal for everyone, she adds: “For some people success can be cutting down the amount they drink or stopping drinking alone. For others, it may be that sobriety works best for them.”
Be patient
It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to tackle the issue in one chat, and that’s OK.
“It will take a while for your loved one to process what you have told them,” Keenan says. “They may want to end the conversation and pick it up again when they’ve had a chance to gather their thoughts. It’s important to give them the time and space to do this.”
If the initial conversation is difficult or the person tells you they don’t want to talk about it again, you might want to write a letter or email to calmly convey your concerns.
Keenan says: “If communication has broken down between you and someone else, a letter can also be a good way to open up the conversation again.”
The Press Association
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