What are the five love languages?
Knowing your partner's love language could strengthen your relationship
Maintaining emotional love and connection in a relationship can be hard.
Often, the problem is in the way you are communicating love to your partner, and vice versa. Have you ever demonstrated a gesture of affection, only to not have it appreciated? Does your partner ever say they don’t feel loved enough?
These conflicts happen because every person receives and experiences love differently.
The way you experience love dictates your love language
There are 5 love languages: Word of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Learning to speak your partner’s love language can help you understand how to make them feel loved. And learning your own love language helps you understand what makes you fulfilled in a relationship.
Knowing your partner’s love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman is a guide to understanding how to love your partner better and create a deeper emotional connection in your relationship. Gary Chapman describes how to use these love languages to show your partner you care for them in a way that speaks to their heart.
Once you and your partner know each other’s love language, you both can benefit. Speaking your partner’s love language can take a bit of effort and intention, though, especially if it is different from yours. Remember, healthy relationships aren’t born; they’re developed through attention and effort.
The Five Love Languages
Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” was first published in 1992. Before writing the book, Chapman began to notice patterns in couples he was counseling. He realised that the couples were misunderstanding each other’s needs.
That led him to come up with five love languages, or ways that people in relationships express love. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Words of Affirmation
“Words of affirmation” is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone’s primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement, uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person’s day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.
Quality Time
Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together. This means putting down the mobile phone, turning off the computer, making eye contact, and actively listening.
People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity.
Physical Touch
A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels love through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example.
This person’s idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partner physically.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are nice things you do for your partner that make them feel loved and appreciated, such as:
- Helping with the dishes
- Running errands
- Vacuuming
- Putting petrol in the car
If your partner’s main love language is acts of service, they’ll notice and appreciate little things you do for them. They tend to perform acts of service and kindness for others, too.
Receiving Gifts
For someone who uses and responds to this love language, gift-giving indicates love and affection. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.
People who enjoy receiving gifts as part of their primary love language do not necessarily expect large or expensive presents; it’s more the effort and thoughtfulness behind the gift that count.
When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.
How to Identify Your Love Language
In a relationship, do you feel more loved when your partner:
- Tells you, “I love you,” or praises something you did?
- Surprises you with a meaningful gift?
- Plans a trip for just the two of you?
- Runs the errands or does the laundry?
- Holds your hand while you’re walking?
Answering these questions could give you a hint as to what your love language might be. You could also try to recall the sorts of things you ask for in a relationship or consider how you express love to your partner. Chapman also offers an online 30-question quiz to help you determine your dominant love language.
The good news is that you can enhance your relationship by learning your partner’s love language and putting it into practice. And, if you both are committed to loving one another in the ways that speak to both of you, you will find yourself not only deeper in love, but also in a happy, fulfilling relationship.
