The Accursed Menopause

This is for the ladies of a certain age…. Always good to laugh.
 

The Accursed Menopause

I’m flashing like a beacon and sweating like a horse,
my words get in a muddle as I lose them in midcourse.
My moods are like a yo-yo, no telling what comes next,
annoyed with everybody and feeling rather vexed!
 
Bloated like pumpkin and feeling like a whale.
Oh, to be more flexible and faster than a snail
The night sweats are atrocious as I thrash around the bed,
flailing like a windmill as I clump my hubbies head.
 
I spend the night just wide-awake, I’m done with counting sheep
all I want is forty winks of good old fashioned sleep.
Next morning I’m exhausted as though I’ve gone ten rounds,
and in need of nice strong coffee to get me off the ground.
 
My bones are always aching and my nails have gone to pot,
I cry at every movie that has any kind of plot.
The chains that hold my mood swings are snapping one by one,
our dinners are al-dente or completely overdone.
 
My memory’s like a goldfish, ‘what was it, I just said’?
I think it’s all the cotton wool that’s stuffing my poor head.
My libido’s on vacation, perhaps it’s on a cruise,
or wafting in the ether disordered and confused.
 
Well, at least I have my sisters, who share this misery,
and we’re on this trip together to the final destiny.
So, we’ll share a drop of Chenin or a little Chardonnay.
Toasting cellulite and wrinkles as we stagger on our way!
 
It’s good to laugh!
 
Teresa Harrison-Best
© April 2021

About the author

Teresa H-B
3278 Up Votes
Teresa lives in Worthing with her husband Stuart and their three rescue cats. She has recently retired from a long career in the Health and Social care sector, and has taken up Mosaics, Pilates and walking cricket. Her love of writing has always been prevalent throughout her life, and she wrote Catawall, fluent in feline following major surgery as a form of therapy. Her love of rhyme and rhythm feature in Catawall and her subsequent children’s books featuring Mackerel a piratical cat who captures the heart of everyone, even the ships mice and rats! ‘Mackerel and The Jolly Daisy’, ‘Mackerel and the Treasure Map’ and ‘Mackerel Saves the Day’. Her latest project Doggee Longlegs enters young fiction aimed at older children. Doggee is about young dog who starts life in a rescue shelter, overlooked on the homing day. Teresa is a great advocate of all animals and feels passionately about animal welfare, both at home and abroad.

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