Throat Cancer Shock

2nd June

I had had a sore throat for some time. Covid 19 arrived & the Doctors did not want to see me. I thought I had picked up an infection from doing the Aqua gym class in the school indoor pool & was hoping for an antibiotic. When I eventually got to see a Doctor I was met by a guy in a Hazmat suit outside the Surgery. Taken into a tiny back room & my throat looked at. He referred me to the hospital.

First shock. The Surgeon telephoned me, saying at my age I was more likely to die of Corona Virus than cancer. He told me to take medication for my stomach! As it may be backing up my throat. I rang him again after the 2 weeks trial, saying I was no better & swallowing was harder. A week later I had an appointment with the ENT department. I was taken into his Examination room & had a painful Biopsy up my nose, down my throat etc. It showed a large lump at the back of my throat. He said he was very surprised at the findings & announced it was Cancer.

Shock horror as some of you will have experienced. I was told to come back for more tests, IT scan because I am claustrophobic & could not cope with the MRI scan. A week later I was called in to meet My Team, which sadly will resonate with some of you. I was to have 6 weeks of Radiation 5 days a week & have to have a mask/hood fitted on the IT bed. It would be bolted down. Imagine my fear being claustrophobic. So, I have had that awful experience of the carbon mask being fitted tightly to my face & neck. Then bolted down & pushed back & forth through the scanner. Not pleasant. I am terrified of the next sessions. Next is a stomach tube (Rig) to be fitted under anaesthetic, so they can feed me if I can’t swallow. Not something I want with summer here & wild swimming, farming, picnics etc on the itinerary. I have a start date of 2 weeks time for the Radiation. Joy of joy, I have very small veins, so taking blood is difficult for fitting the canula. I have been told I must keep the weight on as women tend to lose it from their faces & then the mask wouldn’t fit. So cream, clotted cream, full fat milk, cheese etc are all to be eaten. No hardship for me!

I find it all a horrifying nightmare from which I will wake up from. I am sure others experienced the same as it is sadly happening to so many of us.

I am lucky to have a partner & good daughters & son. I feel so sorry for people going through it alone as my Mother did in the 60’s with breast cancer when the big C was an unmentionable word.

Lucky too to have Silversurfers & the joy of everyone’s glorious photos & much more. From a hospital wimp I am going to have to be strong as I am sure you all have been.

6th June 

I have to say that the NHS and Macmillan are being wonderful, almost overwhelming with phone calls and almost too much info as to what will happen to me!  So this is an awful week ahead.  Bloods to be taken at Plymouth Argyll!  Covid test. An operation to put a stomach pump in (a Rig) they call it.  Because my throat will get too sore to swallow and I will have to pump in liquid food.  This is freaking out my partner who is younger than me!

The Dietician will come on the day after to show us, then not for 14 days!  Help!  The day after I have to have the Test run in the Radiation department. 30 minutes fitting with x rays etc as they have to get the right place on the throat and glands.  Being claustrophobic will not help with that ancient-looking hood on. Reminds me of that film with the masked prisoner.  Then I should start the 6 weeks daily treatment of Radiation.  There is no other choice.

I will be keenly looking at all your lovely photos, poems and blogs & hope to keep going myself.

8th June

Do others worry in the night before the radiation treatment starts? Will I need another anesthetic to get the stomach tube out?

It’s summer and I will miss my wild swimming! I was warned not to Google throat cancer. How right they were. There is a society for head neck & throat cancer. That is bad enough with others suffering such pain I. Their throats! Hence the stack of boxes of special food arrived! Plus a pump to pump it in. It’s all so putting off and I am so squeamish! I will just have to cope.

The Macmillan people are wonderful. One in particular called Jenny and we do a Zoom to try and relax me. Another thing I will have to perfect. My mind won’t stay on the matter! I almost think that when the Radiation treatment starts daily, it might be more settling.

12th June

Hi-tec operation room just like a TV soap Holby City or one of the others.

I was to have a Rig fitted, stomach tube for liquid feeding! I waited outside on a trolley. A novel experience for me. Then I was wheeled into this room full of young doctors and nurses. Derriford is a teaching hospital. One hour later I was wheeled out. It was a horrid experience for me.

6 hours nil by mouth while others on the ward were offered delicious-sounding sandwiches! Pity I can’t be a beach belle this summer with this obstructive tube! I will be slimmer at this rate.

This morning I have to be back in Derriford for the Radiation Test on the CT scan, with X Rays etc.

I just want to stay in bed!

14th June
Thank you all for your very helpful messages & good advice.

I thought having the Rig fitted was a horrible experience! And now I have a dangling attachment and my partner each morning has to clean around the wound and pump new freshly drawn water into the tube. He is terrified of doing something wrong. He also has to get up a bit earlier as I am an early bird having an early shower! Unfortunately, I have completely lost my appetite in one go. I can’t face the smoothies and drinks provided. We don’t learn about the feeding tube until day 10! When the Nurse comes round to show us how to pump it in slowly. Not so good for the impatient me! All this is not very romantic either!

Anyway, it’s a beautiful day and the roses have loved the rain.

My old cat seems to know something is up and lies by me. A naughty Pug dog puppy squeezed under her outdoor cat flap to chase her. Luckily I have the kids water pistol for imposters. Quite good for getting rid of some of my anger!

All I wanted to do yesterday was lie on my bed. I must try harder today. The sun is shining and it’s a new day.

Monday 15th – First day of Radiation Treatment

Very efficient service at Derriford. Kind friendly nurses but horrendous having the mask squashed down over face and neck. A form of torture for a claustrophobic. Also cold in the room, I guess it has to be. Somehow I survived. I did think, if I can’t breathe anymore are they going to notice. They vanish but say you are monitored.

More tomorrow and another blood test. It’s such beautiful weather. Oh to be out on the coast. Another 29 sessions to go.

Wednesday 17th June
27 Days to go.

Another Radiation treatment. No makeup allowed. My hair is too long and I come out with a diamond pattern on my face with the mask being pushed down SO hard. It is efficiently run but a solemn atmosphere pervades the place.

Raining today and I don’t mind because if it is lovely I would long to be on the coast. Also, the rivers are still low. It seems such a waste to run out to the sea.

I think of all the other people having Cancer treatment and know you are brave too.

Thank heavens for Silversurfers.

Friday 19th June

Wow! I have done the first week of Radiation. It is still hellish with the mask/hood bolted down SO tight. You can’t move a muscle. Then it was the Dietician talk & weigh-in. I have lost weight, probably due to giving up wine. No booze allowed on Radiation! I am trying to force myself to drink high-calorie drinks etc.

I had a nice Zoom session with a lovely lady called Jenny at Macmillan nurses. We did pressure points tapping. I will keep practising. It feels good.

Sunday 21st June

My Grandaughter has set up a Just Giving Page for Marie Curie running 5 k Every day for 5 days with her Collie dog Pip.

Monday 22nd June

Another Radiation under my belt. First day of week 2. It’s so cold in there. The team were good fixing me up with a Doctor to see tomorrow as I have been feeling sick & not eating since Friday. The tube in my stomach is hell too! Hooray, someone actually spoke to me in the waiting room!

It’s a lovely day. I can’t have any sun on my neck but I can just sit in the garden with a hot drink can’t I. Trying to get hubby to do some housework!

Hope you are all feeling good.