King John … my private life

Sealed, not signed,  June 1215, mostly fact but well poetic licence must not be ignored…

King John … my private life

Eleanor mother, Henry pater
Not first born, arrived much later
Therefore title wasn’t grand,
Nicknamed me as John Lackland

Stood five foot six in woolly socks
Complexion good, had ruddy locks
Temper fierce, did manners lack
Upset me, I’ll get you back!

Enjoyed reading, couldn’t write
Relished food, likewise a fight
When brothers and that Richard dead
They stuck the crown upon my head

It toppled off and t’ floor was hit
But not because it didn’t fit
I thought I’d show ’em who was boss
I threw a wobbler, I was cross

First marriage, had that one annulled
Soon another bride I pulled
Got sick of her, my crafty plans
Chuck her in jail and keep her lands

Taxed subjects hard, must take firm stance
To pay for all those wars in France
But I lost the lot, it’s sad to tell
Just had to look and view the swell

As boatman couldn’t row me over
My realm it ended, back in Dover
So 1215, fed up to the teeth
Barons had Fitzwalter for a chief

Made me agree to loads o’ rules
They thought I’d keep to ’em, the fools
Got someone to ink a quill
Told the Pope to quash the bill

He said just rip it up instead
Of pestering me ……. I’m still in bed
Returning home was not as planned
Me baggage got stuck in the sand

After I stayed at the abbey
I tell you now, I felt right crabby
Folk nearby, they all agree,
The cunning monks had poisoned me

For when I dwelt at their abode,
They spiked my drink with nasty toad
I state it wasn’t them who dunnit
Just  too many peaches from my punnet!

And even now I’m dead and gone
That ruddy charter lingers on!

GLENYS HALLIDAY