Love and Karma

What an eventful day in work, yet I wasn’t even there.  The story goes a bit like this…just a bit….!

One of my favourite colleagues, Smiley Sid, in fact, a favourite of the entire workplace,  arrived into our morning huddle sporting newly turned up work trousers, compliments of his lovely partner, Loving lily, another firm favourite, kind, wise and so special.  This wonderful woman is a dab hand with a sewing machine and has managed to save herself a bob or two by creating some fabulous, dresses, trousers, curtains, cushion covers and lots more.  I can only imagine it was with love and kindness that she decided to prevent her partner from tripping over himself in his generic all size fits, company breeches, by turning them up the night before. Taking out her trusty machine, she may or may not have taken his inside leg measurements or,  surmising to have a fair idea, may have just decided to go ahead and turn them up using her practised eye.

One can only imagine the pressure of doing this task albeit with love, having one year old twin boys interrupting her with new found words and abilities, or,  in the likely event that she took her machine out when her little darlings were tucked up in bed, tired eyes could have impaired Loving Lily’s vision and a tired mind may have miscalculated said inside leg measurements. Again, and this is only an assumption, Smiley Sid, may not have tried on his lovingly altered trousers that same evening, possibly dressing in haste after another sleepless night helping the boys adjust to the changes of daylight saving time.

It being a joint work day, for Smiley Sid and Loving Lily meant copious organisation of aforementioned gorgeous twin boys, so observing one another’s work attire was likely not on this exhausted young couple’s agenda, as they loaded their car with everything but the kitchen sink and drove to the nursery, to deposit their precious cargo, en route to work.

So, company fave, Smiley Sid, turned up for the huddle and was instantly ribbed senseless for the obvious one inch lack of material between the ends of his work trousers and the beginning of his shoes, with generic white socks in between. Being of a cheery disposition, Smiley Sid laughed it off, but had to continue laughing it off for the rest of the morning as one member of staff, Ribbing Rosie, having got the desired response from all and sundry at her initial ribbing of Smiley Sid, whose smile at this stage was very strained indeed,  continued to try to illicit the same response throughout the morning, with it eventually wearing thin.

Now, thin is the operative word here and the old proverb ‘People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones’ comes into play in this scenario.  Ribbing Rosie, in her own words, is fighting the battle of the bulge, like most of us mere mortals and knows that Smiley Sid is having struggles of his own, with his his love of goodies and grub and he therefore could not have pulled down the tight waist of his trousers, to enable the length of his inside leg to stretch a little further. However, her teasing was so incessant that KARMA was forced to intervene and wow, it did, throwing it’s full force right back at the voluptuous dame, to the point of public humiliation.

Ribbing Rosie was serving a regular, rather flirty gentleman of advanced years…prone to a bit of smut, with a penchant for ladies of bountiful boobies, which this woman has in abundance. In the process of recovering something for said gent, Leery Larry, the bountiful babe turned her back on his appreciating stare, which became even more responsive to her ample behind and, for want of a better description, bent over.   As her upper body leaned forward, this pleasantly plump lady felt and heard a loud ‘rrrrriiipppp’, as the zip on her horizontally challenged work skirt, suddenly and without warning, tore away from the seams and to the absolute delight of the appreciative customer, likely putting a strain on his own inside leg, gravity, karma and all their mates, worked together to loosen Ribbing Rosie’s writhing work skirt as it fell abruptly from her waist to her hips, giving all and sundry full view of undergarments and flesh combined.  However, the lusty gentleman, far from discovering Bridget Jones specials uncovered, was rewarded with the sight of Rosie’s favourite coloured knickers, a red and black lacy number and God himself only knows what he imagined in that moment might cover her bountiful boobies,

‘Jesus Mary and Joseph’  Ribbing Rosie shouted, grabbing the material of her skirt together as best she could and with cheeks the colour of the lacey material on her ample botty, rushed passed Loving Lily, who managed to cover Rosie’s embarrassment with her coat and while giving karma a sneaky wink, took the mortified Madam off to the ladies.

Meanwhile Leery Larry, in the wake of the unprompted striptease, felt the sweat break out on his brow and creep across his scalp.  Blissfully unaware that gravity was playing havoc with the toupee on his head the lusty gentleman graciously thanked Rosie’s colleague, who had completed his purchase and grinning gleefully from ear to ear, rose from his seat, hoisting the band of his trousers up around his ample waist.   Having left home in a hurry earlier that morning, Leery Larry had omitted to put a belt on his breeches only realising his faux pas as the front door had closed behind him. However, proud of his quick thinking, he had merely rolled over the waistband of the loose slacks in a bid to replicate the job of the belt and had proceeded to do his errands.

KARMA was now on overtime, or feeling a little mischievous at the very least. As the events of the previous five minutes had unfolded, there had likely been a strain on the material of this excited gent’s pants which had totally escaped his attention, such was the shock and delight that had impacted him.   Now, rising from the seat, he himself could feel the material slipping down his own waist as the fold had unfurled and walking towards the door, Leery Larry held on tightly to the top of his trousers. Suddenly the lusty gent felt his toupee slip slightly to the right and in a bid to prevent the big reveal up top,  the poor unfortunate forgot himself and instinctively, lifted both hands toward his head…..while gravity and karma joined forces to expose to Smiley Sid, Loving Lily, a freshly robed Ribbing Rosie, and all their colleagues and customers combined…..the obvious lack of another important item from Leery Larry’s attire….!!