The ballad of the bath… and the aftermath.

The Ballad of The Bath — and the Aftermath

It all began  —  I well remember —
About the middle of December.
Tissues flew as Grandpa sneezed
Followed up as he coughed and wheezed.

I kept as clear as I could,
But then succumbed – as I knew I would.
We moaned and groaned in tuneful chorus,
With idle days laid out before us.

No people in, no visits out ..
‘Unclean, unclean’ we had to shout.
Christmas came, and Christmas went,
The quietest Christmas ever spent.

This boring time was hard to swallow
So up I went for a long, hot wallow
In our lovely deep avocado bath
Never dreaming of the aftermath —

For sad to say I could not get out!
And finally just had to shout
For help!!
I’ll draw the veil on what came next
Suffice to say it had us vexed,

As thoughts considered, long and slow.
But —–
That gorgeous bath just had to go!
So Adam came and worked his magic
To solve this situation tragic.

He stripped the room from wall to wall,
Everything new, nothing left at all
Of avocado old and boring,
New white and off-white, light restoring.

New bath, new basin, walls and floor,
Everything new from window to door.
But best of all, a walk-in-shower
With fold-down seat to idle an hour!

All old equipment in the skip
To wend its’ way to the nearest tip
So proving, as the saying shows,
A silver lining behind every cloud
Can actually make you very proud.

We LOVE our new bathroom!!!

Episode Two

Young Adam —  he of bathroom fame,
Has now acquired a different name
‘Sharp-eyed Lad’ is the phrase,
As he proved his worth with upward gaze.

‘You’ve got a leak in your bedroom ceiling’
This sent our senses fast a-reeling.
But sure enough a spreading stain
Portrayed the result of torrential rain.

And even worse, a hanging bubble
Showed, we really were in trouble.
A waterfall was guaranteed so
Grandpa’s bed was moved with speed.

Bowls were placed on plastic sheet –
Better there than Grandpa’s feet!
Again young Adam saved the day —
We eagerly heard what he had to say

“My Uncle Roy will mend your roof,
His order books are living proof
That he is expert at his trade’.
No sooner said than phone call made.

Uncle Roy appeared quick smart,
And double quick he made a start,
With tar and sheeting up he went.
Two useful hours up there he spent.

And then announced “I’ve patched and mended
Where it’s cracked, but when this rain has ended
I’ll come and do the entire roof
So you’ll again be waterproof.

Ah well, once more as the saying goes
It never rains but it pours;
One thing follows after another –
That’s Two Down —  What’s the other  —

There’s bound to be a Third!
But at least Grandpa’s feet will remain dry for the moment!!

And Number Three —

With Adam and Uncle packed and gone
We settled down to carry on,
Troubles One and Two both were done –
But Trouble Three had just begun!!

Two mornings later we felt quite cheated
To wake and find the house unheated!
No nice warm air to greet us rising,
The chilly blast was quite surprising.

In the garage, the boiler stood
Silent – not as a boiler should.
No flame, no nothing, a useless lump,
No pressure coursing through the pump.

A call to Adam – our surrogate son!–
With heartfelt cry ‘What’s to be done?’
‘Ah! My mate Carl is the one you need.
He’ll know just how you should proceed.’

Carl came. Carl saw and Carl inspected
But his verdict was unexpected.
‘Your pressure valve has gone berserk –
In layman’s terms, has ceased to work.

But as the boiler’s very old,
That spare part is no longer sold.
However, I will search around
To see if  anywhere one can be found.’

He did and fitted it straight away
And we’d have heat the very next day.
But oh dear no – t’was not to be.
That was not the remedy.

Back came Carl with more bad news,
‘Not a problem that I would choose,
But you have a leak in a pipe somewhere
Which may be difficult to repair.

Some magic gunge – just a little glob
May find the hole and do the job.’
It worked!  And now the boiler’s working well,
But future months we can’t foretell.

If it doesn’t work, we’ll say Goodbye
As it goes to the Scrapheap-in-the-Sky!
Everything goes in the threes they say
And we’ve had our share!

So here’s hoping …..